Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Propaganda

Mattis' presentation of US policy in Syria becomes a little clearer with some word substitution

Mattis
The point of satire is to look at things in a new way, and the easiest way to "write" satire is to take the actual text, and replace relevant words. The easy assumption in Washington is that we somehow have the right to be in Syria, and that depends on whose ox is gored. To read the original, click here.

Russian Defense Secretary Sergey Shoygu said on Friday that he expected to see a larger Russian civilian presence in the US, including contractors and diplomats, as the fight against hate groups nears its end and the focus turns toward rebuilding and ensuring the militants do not return.

Russia has about 2,000 troops in the US fighting the hate groups. Shoygu's comments are likely to anger US President Donald Trump, who has previously called Russian troops "illegal invader" forces.

Camcorder

Bodycam footage of The Ruthless Squirrel of Brockport finally released by police

squirrel attack
© Brockport Police Department / Facebook
Two New York police officers were assaulted as they responded to reports of a break-in at a home in Brockport. The vicious attack was captured by one of their bodycams, the footage of which has now been released by police.

Officers Sime and Dawson responded to a call Friday that an unwanted guest had broken into the kitchen of a local residence and was pilfering the pantry. Upon entering the home, they heard a commotion coming from the kitchen. When they went to investigate they were ruthlessly assaulted... by a cornered squirrel.

Smiley

'Meddling ain't easy': Lavrov riffs on Russophobia during late-night talk show

Sergei Lavrov
© Ramil Sitdikov / SputnikRussian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov
Russia's FM has lightheartedly shared Moscow's 'international achievements' with the host of a Russian satirical show. With many elections to interfere in, only the Japanese emperor managed to buy more time in power, Lavrov said.

Recalling the elections in France, the Catalonia independence referendum and the Brexit vote, the seasoned diplomat, known for his sense of humor, was asked to share Moscow's foreign policy plans for next year.

"You haven't mentioned all we've done. What about Sweden, Denmark, Montenegro, Macedonia and Austria? We've worked hard, [meddling] isn't that easy," Lavrov joked on NTV channel's 'Mezhdunarodnaya Pilorama' ('International Sawmill') show.

Music

Guinness record: Russian orchestra plays all 9 Beethoven symphonies in one concert

Sergey Stadler
© Ruslan Shamukov/TASS
A concert where the St. Petersburg Symphony Orchestra under the baton of Sergey Stadler performed all the nine symphonies by Beethoven in one day has entered the Guinness World Records. The city's concert association, Peterburg-Kontsert, which the St Petersburg Symphony Orchestra reports to, received a written notification from Guinness World Records Russia.

"Following a recommendation from the Guinness World Records Russia expert department, a decision was made to recognize the application as an official record scored in Russia," the letter said. "The editorial board congratulates you on the recognition of your achievement that profiles the Russians as a creative nation and, on top of that, shows the creative mentality and an offbeat approach to the presentation of classics."

The music marathon that carried on for 8 hours and 3 minutes has gone down in history as "the longest philharmonic concert with a program consisting of the works of just one composer in the rendition of a single orchestra under the baton of one conductor."

The event took place on November 26, 2017, at the stage of the St. Petersburg State Academic Capella. Guinness emphasized in the letter that the participants of the record marathon have the opportunity to send applications to the CIS Records Book, the Book of Records of Europe and the Guinness Book of Records.

Comment: "Symphonies are the best representation of my true self. I always seem to hear within me the sounds of a great orchestra." --Beethoven

Take a break today and appreciate the master in all his glory:






Smiley

Priceless! Tucker Carlson lists 100 ridiculous things libtards deem racist

Tucker Carlson
Fox News' Tucker Carlson tweeted out a hilarious list of 100 things people have deemed "racist" this year.

The Fox News host and Daily Caller founder told his followers that "we live in revolutionary times" and that some "wild things" happened in the past year.
We live in revolutionary times. Wild things happened in 2017, and they'll keep happening next year. In these dangerous political times, it's important you know what is and is not racist. So, we made a list for you. Let us begin. #100RacistThings

- Tucker Carlson (@TuckerCarlson) December 22, 2017

Cross

Why not? Body building Russian priest is training both mind and body

russian priest body builder
© svetlana_rashevskaja / Instagram
A head priest at a church in Russia's Belgorod Region has been making headlines, losing his long priestly robes to flaunt his well toned muscles after service.

Priest Maksim Pastukhov has been serving at a local church in the Ivanovka village in south-western Russia for several years. Admired by elder church-goers as a kind and wise spiritual guide, the man also courts fans among other audiences.


Photographs of Father Maksim recently appeared in Russian media, and nothing but briefs covered the priest's not-so-chaste body. Showcasing his muscles, he took part at a regional bodybuilding championship, gaining third prize. The all-action priest also has a black belt in martial arts.

Comment: Why stick to one when you can do both? When it comes to Russian priests, they're not ones to be messed with!


Question

Bitcoin: Is it nothing but monkey business?

Monkey
© Unknown
A long long time ago, there was this bustling village, on a beautiful Caribbean island, called Dopeyville.

Sure it was far away from the mainlands, away from most of the action, but it still had decent burger joints, coffee cafes not owned by global chains, and you could get tasty homebrew beers in its rough-and-tumble bars. In short, life in Dopeyville was simple, yet great.

What's more, it's got one big claim to fame: The place was well-known for its boatloads of monkeys. Enough monkeys to make them a commodity as common as wheat.

One day, a merchant came to the village. He found an abandoned building - it would take capital to fix, but the walls were firm and the roof only needed a patch. Gutted and redone it, he made it his place.

Music

Beluga Whales Respond To Man's Beluga Song

beluga whale
Arctic Beluga whales are called sea canaries due to their ability to 'sing', which includes clicks, whistles, clangs and high-pitched squeaks, as is shown in the following video.

One man started singing to Beluga whales while kayaking with others, and the whales curiously approached him. He then decided to go underwater and continued to sing to them. The whales responded by 'singing back':


Black Cat 2

The chief construction supervisor of bridge connecting Russia to Crimea is a cat

Mostik the cat
© cat the most / instagram
Mostik, the honorary 'chief supervisor' of the construction of the Kerch Strait Bridge from mainland Russia to Crimea, plans to be among the first to cross the bridge to the peninsula to take in the local sights, according to the Crimean Bridge Information Center.

Bridge engineers are on schedule to connect Crimea to the Russian mainland by the end of the month, making it possible for workers to walk across the 19 km-long bridge on foot.

Mostik, the unofficial cat mascot of the ambitious bridge project, plans to be among the first to do so. Mostik's name is a play on 'most', the Russian word for bridge.

"I'm building the Kerch Strait Bridge to be the first to make a selfie on it and to visit all the sights of Crimea," Mostik tells his social media followers.

Comment: Cats are awesome.


Ornaments

Granny accidentally decorates family Christmas tree with...panties?

christmas tree balls
© CC0
Much to the Internet's users' amusement, the elderly lady didn't know what was inside those pretty purple baubles she bought in a local shop.

With Christmas just around the corner, everyone is excitedly getting ready for the celebration and doing their best to make it unforgettable. For Alex Bermingham's family, this year's holiday will surely be remembered for years due to her 74-year-old granny's brilliant mishap.

The elderly woman bought several Christmas baubles and put them on her tree; however, on closer inspection it turned out that the decoration was not what it seemed - there were sparkly g-strings inside those balls.