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Sat, 22 Oct 2016
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Mysterious 1,600-year-old Mayan tablet of 'Eye Padro' discovered In ancient Guatemalan ruins

© Shutterstock
A 1,600-year-old tablet describing the reign of a mysterious ancient king Eye Padro has been unearthed in the ancient ruins of a temple in Guatemala. It describes the king's 15-year rule during a period of unrest in Mayan history.

Covered in human fingerprints and debris, archeologists took several days to carefully brush away the surrounding earth after discovering the 12″ tablet two feet below the surface last week while digging for artifacts from the Mayan site.

"It's a pretty significant find," said Professor Theodore C. Bestor, an anthropologist at Harvard University, "When we charged up the device, we found a treasure trove of information contained on the tablet, including a gallery of ancient pictures and selfies taken by tribes men and women who lived and worked in the region.

"We believe the owner of the tablet was a high priest king, who went by the name Eye Padro who lived somewhere between 400 BC and 550 AD".

However, since discovering the tablet last week, the archaeologist team behind the find have had to wait for further information to be released from the device, as there are 'thousands' of updates for it to go through before it functions normally again.

"It is painfully slow, but is working. When we open it, it notifies us of 3,476 new updates, which unfortunately we will have to wait through," explained Bestor. "It should be up-to-speed by December 2017, and then we can start looking into its contents in more detail".

Of the information given so far, the tablet details how the great king Eye Padro ruled the Mayan people for almost 20 years, before being murdered by a rival tribe under the rule of king Saim Sung. The tablet, primitive in design, has no earphone jack, as expected with such an ancient tablet.


Latest 'update' gives Hillary 3 more human expressions

© Waterford Whispers News
The latest system update for synthetic humanoid robot the Clinton 2016 has been well received in tech circles with praise being set aside for the new addition of 3 life like, almost human expressions.

The Clinton 2016, fondly referred to by its operators as Hillary Clinton, can now address humans and react to words, pictures and sounds with almost double the number of expressions that were contained in a previous update.

"Oh, we're delighted, The Hillbot, can now express mild appreciation, stern joy and effortless awkwardness," chief operator of the robot Robby Mook explained, "while humanoid robots are a relatively new technology, we firmly believe that if someone who had particularly poor eyesight saw this model they'd almost believe it was human".

The robot, designed in America and assembled in a Chinese kindergarten, had previously had a software patch fitted which allowed it to quickly respond to questions and sycophantically agree with whatever opinion was expressed in order to become well liked by a human.

Not everyone is impressed with the latest update however, as many people report feeling ill at ease with seeing a robot attempt to take on human characteristics, becoming nauseous at the sight.

"I just don't trust it, it's a bit uncanny valley for me. And worst of all, you get the weird feeling it doesn't even know it's a robot," shared tech sceptic and Florida native Will Orphen.


Mmm, the smell of chocolate!

© YouTube/Shinmaywa
The new technology has been developed to help mask unpleasant odours.

Four Osaka-based companies recently got together to develop a new technology to help mask unpleasant odours emanating from vacuum trucks, which are commonly used to collect sewage from homes. On 29 September, the companies jointly announced that the foul-smelling trucks will now be able to emit a sweet, chocolate-like fragrance instead.
© RocketNews24
And nobody is happier about the announcement than the truck drivers themselves.
Yamamoto Fragrance and Shikibo, a manufacturer of industrial products, created a pleasant-smelling "Deo Magic" deodoriser back in 2011, which has since been widely used in diapers and pet products.


New Star Wars films to be released every twenty minutes says Disney's CEO

© News Thump
The Walt Disney Corporation has confirmed their Star Wars release schedule to 2020, with a new film booked for release every 20 minutes for the next four years.

Disney said the new schedule 'fills the gaps' in releases because Star Wars episodes 8 & 9 and a Han Solo film just aren't enough to pay for that new beach condo in the Bahamas satisfy fans.

The schedule is set to kick off with Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, followed within the hour by Mace Windu: Champion of the Force, Bossk - A Bounty Hunter's Tale and a romantic comedy called TK-421, Trooper in Love.

"Casting Jim Carrey as Trooper TK-421 in a series of hilarious romantic misadventures is likely to be the most popular move we've made in Star Wars since the introduction of Jar-Jar Binks," we were told.

"We had asked Adam Sandler but he said he was too busy, which is a first."

The studio has confirmed films about everyone you can think of, including Yoda, an origin story for the Wampa monster, and a tragic tale of family conflict seen through the eyes of that droid that does nothing but waddle around going "Doink".

Disney CEO Kathleen Kennedy told reporters that her objective was to support fans in their love of Star Wars and hoped they'd take the new additions to the universe to their hearts, although she was interrupted by Scrooge McDuck skiing past her on the gigantic pile of money.

Evil Rays

Miracle teenager survives alone for almost 6 hours with no Wi-Fi

© n/a
In what has been hailed as 'a miracle', one Waterford teenager has reportedly survived in his home with no connection to the internet for almost 6 whole hours.

Answering to the name 'David Gowan', the 16-year-old was found in a distressed state yesterday evening, walking through a Dungarvan neighbourhood holding his Samsung Galaxy above his head looking for a signal and muttering incoherently.

The emergency services were notified and David was brought to a nearby Starbucks and hooked up to their Wi-Fi immediately. It remains unclear as to how the teen was left without internet for such a long period of time, and a search has begun to find David's parents, with fears that they may have other kids without even a single bar of coverage.


Plane passenger finds herself sitting next to creepy doll with its own ticket - for two flights

Sara Novic detailed the strange scene on Twitter after she ended up plonked next to the toy

AN airline passenger had the creepiest flight of her life - after being forced to sit next to a bizarre life-like doll

Sara Novic detailed the strange scene on Twitter after she ended up plonked next to the fellow fliers' toy.

And just when she thought the strange episode was over, she ended up sitting next to the doll AGAIN on the second leg of her journey from Cincinnati to New York.

The story got even stranger when Sara revealed the seat had been bought for the doll using fake passport details.

The ticket had been bought under the name Barbara and flight attendants rushed around to find out who the missing passenger was.

Wedding Rings

Putin weaponizes mid-life crisis, uses Russian hookers to hack into Brad Pitt's pants - causes break up of American institution Brangelina

Russia destroys America's most cherished institution: Brangelina. Never forgive. Never forget.

Brangelina is no more.

As Americans across the nation hold candlelight vigils and ritual mass suicides, one painful, lingering question remains: How could this happen?

Russian hookers, that's how:
"The atmosphere [off-set] was full of hard drugs and Russian hookers, and Angie was told Brad got caught up in it,'' the source said. "He's in the throes of some insane midlife crisis, and Angie is fed up."

Comment: Now its getting serious! But see what else Putin has been responsible for... Mistreating walruses too?! When will Putin's acts of aggression ever end?!

Quenelle - Golden

Jonathan Pie: 'Unelectable' Jeremy Corbyn elected again!

British reporter Jonathan Pie obliterates the notion that victorious Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn is "unelectable"... after he gets elected... again.

Pie is horrified that the media, once again, cannot come to terms with fact that Jeremy Corbyn is... The Leader of The British Labour Party.

Warning: contains strong language

For more hilariously, tragically, true news reports, check out Pie's Facebook page and his YouTube channel.


Juice Rap News: 2016 USA Election

© YouTube/the juice media (screen capture)
Hello world. RAP NEWS is back for a special episode on the 2016 USA Election mayhem, feat. Hillary Clinton vs Donald Trump + a touch of Jill Stein & Gary Johnson. This one's dedicated to all the Rap News fans out there!

Comment: The hacked US elections: The dismal reality of having no real electoral choices


Oops! Chinese and Russian radar can still see the $4.4 Billion "invisible" USS Zumwalt

© Stuart Rankin/Flicker
The DDG 1000, also known as the USS Zumwalt, is the Pentagon’s $3 billion guided-missile destroyer.
The 'invisible' American Zumwalt broke down after water got into the lubrication system. In addition, this giant, created as invisible, couldn't evade Russian and Chinese radar.

The newest U.S. Navy destroyer Zumwalt was not only one of the most expensive in history, but also the most inefficient. New faults were found in its design, reports USNI News. The lubrication system is not working, responsible for the maintenance of the propeller shaft of the ship. It has taken in water, when the destroyer went to sea at the naval base in Norfolk during the current stage of testing. Repairs are expected to take no less than two weeks.

Zumwalt was launched in 2013. Its construction cost the U.S. tax payers $4.4 billion dollars. The 'highlight' of the project is that almost all the ship's systems are driven by electricity, and internal combustion engines are only needed to produce the current. That is, any leak becomes mortally dangerous, both for the ship and crew.

Because of the unusual shape and the use of radio-silencing material the USS Zumwalt is able to be invisible to radar. However, this invisibility has played a cruel joke with the Americans. As soon as the ship first went to sea, complaints from alarmed merchant ships poured in. Their radar saw "just a fishing boat," and when the destroyer was in sight, they were forced to urgently scramble to change course.

And one more detail: the destroyer was invisible for everyone, except for the Russian and Chinese radars. They operate on a different frequency and can see Zumwalt very clearly, even despite the fact that it cost $4.4 billion.

The Navy has not yet received the ship officially. The transfer is expected in 2016, apparently, only the problems are fixed.

Via Tsargrad.tv- Translated from Russian by Kristina Kharlova

Comment: U.S. tax dollars at work.