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Average age of first time buyer now 92

Irish House
© Public Domain
A NEW CSO study has found that the average age of a first-time buyer in Ireland has risen to 92, up from the Celtic Tiger peak of 17 years old.

The report found people will need to seriously look after their health if they expect to ever get on the property ladder, as saving enough for a deposit, paying a mortgage, and basically staying alive long enough to do both becomes increasingly difficult.

"We're looking into cryogenic freezing," local couple Trish and David Williams told WWN. Now in their mid-forties, the pair believe science is their best shot at homeownership. "If Trish freezes herself now for twenty years, and then I freeze myself when she thaws, we might just make it."

Cow

Cow has weird dream about milking farmer again

Cow in Pasture
© Waterford Whispers News
A MEMBER of a local dairy herd has awoken this morning with fresh thoughts of a recurring dream in which they find themselves milking their owner, dairy farmer Tim Hogan.

"It was weird, it was this milking shed but it didn't look anything like it does, if that makes sense. Mad stuff, he had these full udders, I think the chickens were there too," explained the cow, known by the yellow ear tag number '43108', to her fellow milk producing bovines.

"And I know some say your dreams are your deep unconscious desires brought to life and they're right, that prick needs to be milked dry," added 43108, who has produced 30 litres a day to farmer Hogan's total of zero litres of milk in exchange.

Smiley

White House launches 'Nobler Peace Prize'

Donald J. Trump
© Waterford Whispers News
THE WHITE HOUSE has confirmed that sitting US President Donald J. Trump is the first ever winner of a prestigious new world peace award called 'The Nobler Peace Prize'.

Launched this morning in Washington DC, the prize has been described as 'the most noblest of peace prizes there is' and 'the best prize in the world' when it comes to peace, with the winner already announced just hours after it was created.

"We cannot emphasise enough how noble this prize is, and who better to award it to than the leader responsible for stopping eight global conflicts in just ten short months in office," chairman of the new Nobler organisation Donald Trump Junior told reporters as a ten-foot gold peace trophy was wheeled in and presented to his visibly emotional father.

Smiley

Clown world: Amazon deletes guns from every single James Bond film poster

amazon james bond posters no gun
There seems to be something missing . . .
Amazon Prime has excited spy movie fans by relaunching all James Bond's films, but fans have also noticed an odd thing about the poster Amazon is using to celebrate the actors who have starred in the franchise. All their guns are mysteriously missing.

To hail the return of the 007 catalog of films, Amazon put out a graphic featuring a thumbnail image of every Bond film and the actor starring in them. But some fans noticed that there is something off about some of the photos.

It turns out that a few of the photos originally showed the actor holding his trusty semi-automatic pistol or some other firearm in his hand, but in the Amazon poster, the guns have been removed from the image, leaving 007's hand posed in an odd position. Or in some cases, such as in the image for Spectre, Amazon just cropped the pistol out of the photo entirely.

The next film in the decades-old franchise is currently set to be directed by Denis Villeneuve from a screenplay to be penned by Peaky Blinders creator Steven Knight. And with Amazon's merger with MGM, that also means Amazon is part of the studio piloting the film. Amazon gobbled up MGM in 2021 in a reported $8.45 billion acquisition deal.

Smiley

Donald Trump replaces Joe Biden White House portrait with picture of autopen

biden white house portrait autopen trump
© The White House/XA photo of former President Biden's autopen signature (C) on the new White House Presidential Wall of Fame on Sept. 26, 2025.
The US President has taken another swipe at his predecessor, this time in the addition of a Presidential Walk of Fame at the White House.

Donald Trump has added a "Presidential Walk of Fame" to the exterior of the White House, but used the opportunity to mock predecessor Joe Biden.

In the latest attack on his presidential predecessor, Trump unveiled a wall featuring a timeline of images of former leaders, with Mr Biden's image replaced by an image of an autopen.

The jibe is a reference to Mr Trump's claim that at the end of his presidency Mr Biden was not well enough to carry out his duties.

Smiley

Thug slug: Doorbell prankster that tormented residents of German apartments turned out to be a gastropod

slug
© Dpa Picture Alliance Archive/AlamyFile photo of a slug.
Inhabitants of an apartment block in Bavaria, southern Germany, who called police to investigate the relentless buzzing of their doorbells late at night were surprised to find the culprit was not a teenage prankster as they had suspected, but a slug.

The slug had been sliding up and down the bell plate, creating havoc in the building and tearing angry residents out of their beds long after midnight when they could not sleep for the noise.

At first they had suspected the so-called klingelstreich (bell prank), a sometimes popular pastime among German youths. Ding dong ditch, knock-a-door run, or knock-down-ginger as it is variously referred to in English, it typically involves children or youths ringing on a doorbell then running away before they are caught.

Smiley

British refugees travel to North Korea in search of freedom

British Refugees
© The Babylon Bee
PYONGYANG — A group of oppressed people arrived in a new land in hopes of making a better life for themselves, as a boat filled with British refugees traveled to North Korea in search of freedom.

Witnesses said that the poor, huddled mass of humanity emerged from the vessel battered and downtrodden, hoping to experience a new life of liberty by migrating to the less-totalitarian regime of Kim Jong Un's North Korea.

"I already feel less oppressed," said Reginald Hardington, a native of London who set off for North Korea to create a better life for his family. "From what I've heard, if you're being assaulted in North Korea, you're allowed to defend yourself! Can you believe that? And hardly anyone gets stabbed here. What a great place to live!"

Smiley

Man who made clothes you can't afford dies

GIORGIO ARMANI
© Waterford Whispers News
GIORGIO ARMANI, famous the world over with people who have never been able to afford his extortionately priced clothes, has died aged 91.

"Wow, he leaves quite the legacy," confirmed one member of the public who would be followed intensely by shop security were they to ever linger in one of the shops stocking the clothes that bare the name of the late Italian designer.

"His creations were divine, what a loss," added another admirer, who after a period of intense saving was able to afford the cheap knock offs of one the handbags that carries the Armani logo but actually has no resemblance to any official product.

Fish

Clumsy eagle gifts man with "biggest bass I ever caught!"

falling fish truck grill eagle
© Albert CutlerThe dropped bass lodged in the grill of Albert Cutler's trick
Talk about a crazy fishing story.

Often times when an angler reels in a fish, there's a story attached to it. Fishermen have to have plenty of "it was this big" and "the thing jumped this high out of the water" stories to tell to their friends, because isn't that what fishing is all about? You've got to have some sort of memorable anecdote to recount to one up your other fishing friend's story.

This Lake Country, Wisconsin, man will forever have an easy one-upper story in his back pocket thanks to a wild incident that took place this past weekend. Albert Cutler was driving back from from church with his family on July 27 when they all witnessed something that will be story-worthy for years to come. What story will the Cutlers be able to cue up whenever they are in need of a fishing story?

The sky was falling.

Smiley

"Oh that Epstein!" Trump thought files were on Beatles manager Brian Epstein

Donald Trump
© Waterford Whispers News
SLAPPING his forehead over his latest faux pas, US President Donal Trump said he thought the 'Epstein Files' mentioning his name was actually The Beatles manager, Brian Epstein, WWN reports.

"I know Brian is a big fan of me and I assumed he was just chatting about my love of The Beatles in a podcast and I didn't really pay much attention to what Pam was saying as I was too busy making America great again," Trump explained at a White House presser earlier.

Several journalists gently pointed out that Brian Epstein has been dead for 58 years, to which Trump replied:

"You think he's dead. But is he? There's a lot of things you people don't know. Obama committed treason - did you know that? Didn't think so. Be careful what you believe."