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Thu, 17 Oct 2019
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Breakthrough Science! Researchers Find That Nicking Ships May Have Consequences

stena impero
A new study from the University of the Blindingly Obvious has found that if one country nicks another country's ship, the country whose ship has been nicked may be likely to respond by nicking a ship belonging to the country that nicked theirs. According to the authors of the report, the reason for this may be down to something called "the way the world works," or what is often known as tit-for-tat.
"We began by giving toy ships to children of nursery school age," said a spokeswoman for the research team, "but with one child being instructed to take a ship belonging to another child, while leaving their own unguarded. What we then observed was fascinating. The child who had had his or her toy ship stolen would then wait for an opportunity to take one from the child who had taken from them. We were gobsmacked. We really didn't think the world worked like that. But apparently it does."
In further experiments, researchers wanted to find out what happened when Child A — the one who took the first ship — protested against Child B taking theirs. Again, the results took the researchers by surprise:
"We fully expected that when Child A raised a hue and cry about having their ship snatched, Child B's conscience would smite them, and they would return the ship that did not belong to them, but letting Child A keep theirs. Yet to our amazement, no matter how much Child A spoke indignantly about the illegality of Child B's actions, Child B continued to maintain that they would only return the ship if theirs was returned to them at the same time."


'Clever pooch': Mongrel unties & kidnaps pedigree dog left outside shop

© Instagram / natasha_nvrs
A brazen kidnapping attempt was captured on video in southern Russia, where a stray dog untied and tried to draw away a pedigree pit-bull who was waiting for his master outside a grocery store.

The motivation of the fluffy perpetrator from the city of Novorossiysk on the Black Sea is still unclear, but the street-wise mutt acted with great determination and dexterity.


Moon Landing, 50th Anniversary of the Biggest Lie Ever Told?

GTFOH Show with Comedian Matt Billon takes an in-depth look into the Moon Landing. Watch and laugh at just how ridiculous the thought of man going to the moon in the 60's.actually is. Could man travel 240.000 miles away in 1969 ?



New study confirms all your opinions, world views, beliefs, are correct

Correct Opinions and Beliefs
© Babylon Bee
U.S. — A fascinating new study released today from a very reliable source confirmed that all your opinions are correct, there are no flaws in your worldview, beliefs, or hot takes, and that everything you say is more or less absolutely correct.

The study researched everything you believe and found that it is true, all of it. From your opinions on religion to your takes on politics, the extremely reputable study found that you are 100% correct both in your high-level assertions and in all the supporting details of your claims.


Lobstergate scandal! Israeli embassy caught in laughable kosher cover-up

Israel Brazil Yossi Shelley Bolsonaro
© Twitter / @IsraelinBrazil
Israel’s envoy to Brazil Yossi Shelley chowing down on a decidedly non-kosher lobster.
Israel's envoy to Brazil Yossi Shelley has found himself in hot water after his embassy shared an image of him eating lobster with Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro despite the Torah prohibiting jews from eating shellfish.

The embassy tried to conceal the fact that he was chowing down on non-kosher food with a bizarrely archaic and lackluster attempt at obscuring the offending crustaceans from view. The two shared lunch before attending the Brazil-Peru final of the Copa America soccer tournament at the Maracana stadium.


Lunatic stage: The first Democratic debate, summarized and translated

Democratic debate June 2019

Lester Holt:
Hello and welcome to the Democratic Party presidential debates, where tonight ten people will pretend to be much further to the left than they actually are so that normal human beings will like them.

Savannah Guthrie: Our first question is for Senator Elizabeth Warren. Senator Warren, you have many plans for America. Many, many plans. Is this correct?

Elizabeth Warren: Yes that is correct. I have many plans to make things better, and Americans must come together and work together as Americans to make America America.

Savannah Guthrie: Thank you. Congressman O'Rourke, how do you feel about taxing the wealthy?

Beto O'Rourke: Me gustaría informar a todos que puedo hablar español.

Savannah Guthrie: Uhh... Okay?

Cory Booker: Hey I can speak Spanish too!

Savannah Guthrie: Yes, yes you both can speak Spanish. This next question is for Senator Warren. Senator, you have many plans for America. Do you think rich people should be allowed to feast on the flesh of poor people?

Elizabeth Warren: No. We should stop allowing rich people to eat poor people because there are laws against this and my plan is to enforce those laws.

Comment: As Tucker Carlson commented, 'Democrats have officially gone insane':


California town accidentally misspells stop sign

stop sign misspelled
No, this was not a prank by teenagers with nothing better to do. The mistake was made by a paid contractor.

But without government, who would misspell the road signs?

Images of a California stop sign painted on the pavement at a four-way intersection in the town of Lemon Grove have gone viral.

Why? Because the "word" 'STPO' was painted in tall white lettering across the asphalt. As you might expect, it was actually supposed to read 'STOP'. Yes, that very same word you learned how to spell in the first grade.

Directly to the right of the typo-mere feet from where a grown adult misspelled the basic 4-letter-word-stands a bright red octagon sign with the word STOP spelled correctly on it.


War looms between unstable, warmongering, rogue nation and Iran

US/Iran Flag
© Babylon Bee
World-A potentially deadly conflict appears to be looming between an unstable, rogue, warmongering nation and Iran.

The nation that seems to be teetering on the brink of war with Iran is the only one on the planet that has nuclear weapons and has used them on civilians. The country has aggressively intervened in foreign conflicts for decades and seems not to respect the sovereignty of any nation.


A nervous Obama personally thanks Trump for taking the blame for pesky photos of immigrant children in cages

© beta.dotmar.com
Former president Barack Obama called the White House today to personally thank Donald Trump for taking the blame for a recently circulated set of photos of immigrant children detained at the border that actually depicted the consequences of immigration policies in place during Obama's tenure.

Obama was concerned that people on Twitter, Facebook, and other social media platforms might make the connection that many of the photos, facts, and figures people were upset about were from the years when he was president.

"I was really nervous the lid was gonna blow off that whole thing," Obama admitted. When Obama realized that he was in the clear, and that Trump would be receiving the full brunt of the online outrage and blame for policies that had gone completely ignored during his own presidency, the former leader of the free world decided some thanks were in order.

The friendly phone call was a few minutes long, and consisted of light banter and finally an expression of deep gratitude on Obama's part, as he could continue being a shining star for the media and still pretend to have had "zero scandals" during his presidency.

Comment: See also: Fake News: 'Caged migrant children' picture taken under Obama, not Trump


John Bolton urges military action against the Sun after uncovering evidence it has nuclear capabilities

john bolton
Amid escalating tensions with the hostile celestial object, National Security Adviser John Bolton argued for military action against the Sun Monday after being presented with evidence it has nuclear capabilities. "Newly collected intelligence shows the Sun, day after day, generating extreme levels of nuclear energy, and America simply cannot stand idly by any longer," said Bolton, adding that the United States will soon be forced to consider a preemptive attack on the Sun, such as deploying troops to the Sun's surface or a targeted strike to swiftly take out the Sun. "We know the Sun is harboring dangerous amounts of nuclear power in what we are referring to as its 'Core,' a site where the Sun appears to be fusing over 600 million metric tons of hydrogen every second. This is, needless to say, an extremely powerful, aggressive star that threatens the American way of life, and, frankly, I question the utility of negotiating with such an unreasonable orb." Bolton added that the United States would likely consider military action after giving the Sun a chance to comply with a nuclear accord.