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Thu, 17 Oct 2019
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Biden says he was at Mount Doom 3,000 years ago when Isildur took the Ring and the strength of men failed

Joe Biden at Mount Doom

"I was there 3,000 years ago... when Isildur took the Ring. I was there the day the strength of men failed."
At a New Hampshire campaign stop, presidential candidate Joe Biden claimed he was at Mount Doom 3,000 years ago when Isildur decided to take the Ring instead of destroying it.

"I was there," he said, his voice trailing off as some long-forgotten memory flashed before his eyes. "I was there 3,000 years ago... when Isildur took the Ring. I was there the day the strength of men failed." Biden said that "the time of white men is over" and that "the time for us to listen to minority voices instead has come," though he was quick to clarify that he should still be the one to wield the Ring of Power.

Biden seemed not to have a very strong recollection of the events, however, claiming that Harry Potter then flew in on a broom and took the ring in order to drop it in an exhaust port on the Death Star to stop the Borg.

Comment: Gaffes? Biden has bigger problems


Mr. Potato

Epic trolling: 'Error' page on Trump's website shows Hillary Clinton as President

screen shot trump website
© Screenshot/https://www.donaldjtrump.com/error
President Donald Trump's campaign is trolling vanquished Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton with an 'error' page that shows Clinton holding a microphone behind the presidential seal.

The website's 'error' page gloats over the results of the 2016 election, where Trump defeated Clinton with 306 electoral college votes.

"Oops!," the page says. "This is awkward. You're looking for something that doesn't exist..."

Doberman

In the doghouse: Canine car crash culprit caught behind the wheel

Dog in car
A dog's ruff ride has gone viral after he crashed his owner's car into a wall after being left unattended inside the vehicle, and was pictured behind the wheel at the scene of the crime.

Duke the dog was left alone in his owner's Mercedes in Aptos, San Francisco, and managed to get his leash stuck on the gear shift. As the canine moved around in the front of the vehicle, the leash pulled the car into neutral, sending it rolling backwards down the street, where it came to a stop after smashing into a retaining wall, taking out a mailbox and some trash cans on its way.

Chart Pie

Ocasio-Cortez proposes counting white people's ballots as three-fifths of a vote

aoc ocasio-cortez
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez came out hard against the Electoral College, slamming the institution as a racist scam that makes white people's votes count for "like, a lot more" than other people's votes.

But she then thought of a good solution: "What if we count all white people as three-fifths of a person instead of a full person? Then, good votes would count more than bad, racist votes. Like, four or five times more or something, because 3/5ths is only like 10% of a real vote."

She then paused as she counted on her fingers and double-checked her math on her toes. "Yeah, it adds up. Case closed. This makes the program contain 247% fewer racisms."

It was pointed out to her that this was racist, but she said that when you fight racism with other racism, it makes less racism. "1 bad racism plus 1 good racism equals zero racisms," she said confidently.

At publishing time, Ocasio-Cortez had slammed the Electoral College as sexist after learning it doesn't even have a gender studies program.

Mr. Potato

Strip down, saddle up: Naked bikers hit Philadelphia streets

Naked bike riders
Hundreds of bicyclists have been caught with their pants down — and their shirts and underwear off, too.

The cyclists gathered in a Philadelphia park on Saturday to disrobe before saddling up and setting off on the annual Philly Naked Bike Ride.

About 3,000 riders pedal a 10-mile (16-kilometer) course around the City of Brotherly Love while taking in sights including Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell, organizers say. Some riders wear their birthday suits while others flaunt their underwear or sport just a splash of body paint and glitter.

Melanie and James O'Connor, who painted each other's nude body in multiple colors, were riding for the seventh time.

NPC

Reality under fire for not clearly distinguishing itself from satire

satire, fake news

"It makes it really hard for satire sites to do their job effectively when all this reality is out there muddying the details of satire."
Reality has come under fire for not more clearly distinguishing itself from satire.

Fact-checkers and fake news watchdogs have called on reality to label itself after real news stories insisted on sounding like satire.

Experts proposed forcing real news stories to include labels like [REAL NEWS] in the headline. They could also include parentheticals throughout that read things like "(Just as a reminder, this actually happened and is not satire)." Then, the article could conclude with a notice saying, "What you just read was an actual thing that actually happened."

"The problem with all these real news sites is they're reporting things that would have been satirical just six months ago," said a representative for one popular joke-checking website. "It makes it really hard for satire sites to do their job effectively when all this reality is out there muddying the details of satire."

Shoe

Tom Cruise 2020 - Run Tom Run (Presidential Campaign Announcement)

run Tom run
We at Sott.net could not be happier to see that Tom Cruise has decided to enter his name and run in the 2020 US presidential election. The following is the first (in hopefully a long line of videos) that explains why he is eminently capable and qualifies to lead the United States.

Run Tom Run!


Chart Pie

Concerning survey finds too many people believe Snopes is a legitimate fact-checking website

snopes graph
A troubling new survey released by The Babylon Bee confirmed Wednesday that too many people think Snopes is a real fact-checking website.

The survey found that over 60% of people believe Snopes is a real website, while only 25% understand that it's satire. The remaining minority thinks that Snopes is the name of a gangsta rapper from California, "one of those guys who makes the hip-hop about the devil's lettuce and shooting people."

In the study, we went to a Walmart and grabbed random people by the arm and started shouting at them: "HEY, DO YOU THINK SNOPES IS REAL!?" The ones who didn't run away screaming or call for security responded, and of those few dozen people, we got our results. Most said, "Sure, yeah, whatever, please just leave me alone and don't hurt me!" while others said they thought it was satire site. A few people said, "Snopes Dogg? I loved his album, Straight Outta Compton."

Smiley

Troll Trump promises not to build Trump Tower in Greenland if he buys it

greenland
© Reuters / Lucas Jackson
US President apparently hasn't given up on buying Greenland, promising the island's residents they won't end up with a giant gleaming Trump Tower in their backyard... and posting a photo of how that might have looked like.

Trump tweeted a magnificently garish rendering of Trump Tower Greenland on Monday afternoon, promising the reluctant Danes that if he owned their massive island, it would certainly not look like that. (Presumably, the building would be black with gold accents, instead of solid gold, and several stories higher, with a golf course). Twitter exploded.


"Make Greenland Great Again!!!" one supporter tweeted. "All in favor of invading Greenland?" another followed up.

Comment: Memes do it best:






Cupcake Pink

A raccoon was 'living his best life' in a school's snack machine. Then came the cops

raccoon vending machine
© Volusia County Sheriff's Office/Facebook
Raccoon in vending machine.
Deputies from the Volusia County Sheriff's Office were called to a Deltona, Florida, high school on Wednesday over an issue that had nothing to do with the student body.

It had to do with the vending machine. Rather, something that had crawled inside of it.

Apparently, a raccoon had managed to make its way into the machine, located on the premises of the Pine Ridge High School.