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Sat, 19 Jan 2019
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Fire

Emmanuel Macron criticizes climate change tax protesters for not using carbon-neutral rioting methods

macron yellow vest protest
Finally addressing the rising unrest over climate change taxes and other cost of living issues, French President Emmanuel Macron criticized the protesters for not using carbon-neutral rioting methods.

Macron blasted the movement for callously burning cars on the streets and setting fires that would contribute to global warming.

"These protesters are burning entire cars when a strongly worded letter would suffice," he said. "Preferrably on recycled paper." He also suggested blowing bubbles and speaking words of encouragement to one another in the streets. "This is a much more powerful demonstration than using fire and violence."

Snakes in Suits

Nigerian president denies dying and being replaced by a clone

Muhammadu Buhari

Not a clone.
Nigeria's President Muhammadu Buhari has denied claims that he had died and was replaced by a Sudanese impostor, breaking his silence on a rumour that has circulated on social media for months.

Buhari, who is running for re-election in February, spent five months in Britain last year being treated for an undisclosed illness. One theory widely aired on social media - and by some political opponents - was that he had been replaced by a lookalike from Sudan called Jubril.

No evidence has been presented, but videos making the claim have been viewed thousands of times on YouTube and Facebook.

"It's the real me, I assure you. I will soon celebrate my 76th birthday and I will still go strong," Buhari told Nigerians in a town hall session in Poland on Sunday, where he was attending a conference, when asked about Jubril.

Comment: Glad that's finally settled.


Smiley

RT's Redacted Tonight takes on cell phones and cancer: 'Worse than Pokemon Go'

Redacted Tonight
© RT / Redacted Tonight
This week, host Lee Camp has some sad news for selfie addicts and chatterboxes everywhere: cellphones do, in fact, cause cancer. A $25 million study this year confirmed the link, by testing rats exposed to cellphone radiation.

"The effect was not high scores on Pokemon Go," Lee explained. "The effect was cancer, which is, like, worse than Pokemon Go."

Another decades-old scientific study found that these ubiquitous devices can cause rare neuro-epithelial tumors and "functional genetic damage" to users. So did the wireless industry address these concerns? Nope. The industry buried the results and pressed on with development of 5G networks, coming soon, and described as having a potential "weapons grade" effect on public health.

Lee then talks about the weedkiller company Monsanto which also worked hard to cover up their products' cancer-causing side effects. "By now you're seeing a trend," Lee said. "It seems like Monsanto has known for years that Roundup causes cancer. And yet they did everything they could to cover up the studies.

Smiley

G20 leaders send strong message to Saudi Prince by not laughing at all his jokes

G20 Leaders
© NewsThump
The democracies in the G20 took a strong stance against the blatant murder of the journalist Jamal Khashoggi on the orders of Saudi prince Mohammad bin Salman by refusing to guffaw at his bad jokes with some leaders even daring to look mildly bored when he spoke.

Emmanuel Macron was the first leader to signal to the Saudi Prince that the casual murder of journalists was unacceptable when he shook Ben Salman's hand and put on a slight frown before saying he was worried.

Bomb

Obama blasts Trump's inhuman use of tear gas on foreigners: Drone strike would have done a better job!

Obamer
© Babylon Bee
Washington, D.C.-Addressing a crowd at a lucrative speaking engagement Tuesday evening, former president Barack Obama slammed President Trump for his "inhumane" use of tear gas at the border earlier this week, pointing out that a drone strike would have done the job much more effectively.

Obama ripped into Trump for using tear gas when a simple deadly drone strike would have sufficed.

Smiley

Primary cause of global warming finally discovered

Cause of Global Warming
© Babylon Bee
Grants Pass, OR - Scientists have finally discovered the primary cause of global warming: local kid Oliver Paulson, who left the front door wide open dozens of times while the heater was on this past weekend.

Every time the boy runs inside from playing, he leaves the front door open, and it looks like we're all going to pay the price from his carelessness.

Smiley

MBS - "I've had thousands of people murdered - What's your point?"

MBS and Late Jamal
© Waterford Whispers News
"Woah! Wait. Hold on a second here, guys. You're suddenly pissed that I killed one measly journalist? Seriously?" Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia Mohammed bin Salman addressed the world's press last night in an eye opening speech calling out the CIA and his critics accusing him of being a 'red line'.

"Fucking red line? I'll give you a red line: we're literally starving 10 million people in Yemen and you're getting on our case over having some bad mouthed hack, hacked to death? Please, even my moral compass points to hypocrisy here," bin Salman continued.

Megaphone

Subway: Mysterious voices speak to everyone and MTA has no idea where they are coming from

Subway door
© Unknown
Clarifying that none of their trains feature intercom systems, the Metropolitan Transportation Authority revealed Monday they have no clue where the disembodied voice speaking to everyone on the subway was originating.
"The MTA has never at any point hired a speaker to tell passengers 'Stand clear of the closing doors' or 'We are delayed because of train traffic ahead,' so we urge anyone who hears one of these disturbing notices to contact us immediately,"
said acting chairman Fernando Ferrer, adding that the individual reportedly likes to repeat these phrases tens of thousands of times a day and is, thus, clearly unstable and probably dangerous.
"Our aim has, of course, always been to give riders a silent experience, so the fact that a mysterious woman is apparently shouting the names of each station, telling people to beware the platform edge, and listing all available transfers is deeply, deeply troubling to us. There's not a single transit car the violators have missed, so we're encouraging all New Yorkers to be especially vigilant until we apprehend these obviously unhinged people."
Ferrer added that commuters should disregard any and all posted advertisements, which have never been allowed in New York City subway cars.

Doberman

Animal rights activist wants to abolish guide dogs because they don't consent to work

woman ban guide dogs
© Good Morning Britain/ITV
An animal rights activist wants to replace guide dogs with technology because the animals don't give their consent to work.

Campaigner Wendy Turner Webster appeared on ITV's Good Morning Britain to express her controversial opinion, where she argued working dogs, including guide dogs, sniffer dogs, police dogs and working sheep dogs, are used for the benefit of humans without consent.

Webster admitted she doesn't think the dogs are unhappy, or that putting them to work is 'cruel', but that many working animals are put in dangerous situations on the job.

Comment: This woman is an idiot. She probably just wanted to get on TV.


Wolf

What the fox? Russian woman rides Moscow metro with unusual furry friend

Friendly fox
A Russian woman with a pet fox nonchalantly perched on her shoulder raised more than a few eyebrows on a recent Moscow metro ride. Both her fellow commuters and social media users were fascinated by the strange sight.

Video footage of the bizarre occurrence shows a woman calmly waiting for a train with a very large pet fox perched on her shoulders.

Commuters on the busy platform are seen giving the fox strange looks as they wait for the train. Once it arrives, the woman and her fox stroll onto the busy carriage as more people give sideways glances.

The video appears to have been first shared on Instagram by Valerasupertrener on Wednesday. It has since spread across social media and has been watched hundreds of thousands of times.