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Mon, 23 Oct 2017
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'Yar argoin tew farst': Village updates road signs so locals can understand them

Villages across Norfolk have been forced to spend a small fortune on new road signs so that locals can understand them.

The road signs are written in the backward local language so that Norfolk people can tell if they are going too fast.

They are cropping up all over the county, but one visiting motorist, who was risking life and limb by crossing over the border from Suffolk, found three in the same village of Old Buckenham, near Attleborough.

"It's rare to see three in the same place," the motorist, who asked not to be named for safety reasons, said.

"The local language is quite quaint, to be fair," he added. "But it does rather add to Norfolk's reputation of being a medieval throwback."

Black Cat 2

Cats busy celebrating Human Slave Day!

© Ground Zero Web
Cats across the country are today celebrating the hairless monkeys that cater to their every whim.

In parks and gardens from the South coast to Scotland, cats are entertaining each other with stories of their lumbering slaves and the lengths they will go to in order to please them.

Cat Ginger Williams told us, "I have a couple of the big ones that I allow to live with me; They're a bit of a nuisance most of the time, but I'm happy to take this one day out of my busy schedule to recognise their contribution to my ongoing satisfaction.

"They will clean up after me on demand, and will often remain still if I need somewhere warm to rest and the floor is too cold to sit on.

"Like any slaves, they need a bit of managing and are a bit slow on the uptake, but I have them pretty well trained by now. I only have to raise an eyebrow and they bring me food or a toy.

"If they behave well, I will sometimes reward them by letting them stroke me. Sometimes."

When told that in reality he actually 'belongs' to the hairless monkeys, Williams said, "You actually believe that? Hilarious."

Newspaper

Save the universe from alien infection! NASA seeks Planetary Protection Officer


NASA wants you!
Nasa is hiring someone who can defend Earth from alien contamination.

The full-time role of "planetary protection officer" will involve ensuring that humans in space do not contaminate planets and moons, as well as ensuring that alien matter does not infect Earth.

The pay is a six-figure salary: as much as $187,000 (£141,000) a year plus benefits.

The job post reads: "Planetary protection is concerned with the avoidance of organic-constituent and biological contamination in human and robotic space exploration."

"Nasa maintains policies for planetary protection, applicable to all space flight missions that may intentionally or unintentionally carry Earth organisms and organic constituents to the planets or other solar system bodies, and any mission employing spacecraft, which are intended to return to Earth and its biosphere with samples from extraterrestrial targets of exploration."

Smiley

Leaked photos link Corbyn to known international terrorist

© Waterford Whispers News
Damining photos which show Labour party leader Jeremy Corbyn talking to a notorious international terrorist have been found online, reinforcing calls in Westminster for the traitor to step down.

The photos, which span over the last 20 years, show Corbyn discussing matters of state with former Prime Minister Tony Blair, whose decision to commit British troops to a war in Iraq in 2003 based on false information has catapulted him to the top of the international terrorist list.

Blair, who many believe acted in full knowledge that the intelligence surrounding Iraq's weapons of mass destruction was falsified, is held responsible for the deaths of thousands of soldiers and innocent civilians, with a recent attempt to privately prosecute him for his actions being narrowly defeated in the UK high court.

Smiley

Put a lid on it! Curious cockatoo shuts cheeky cat inside basket after she takes a swipe at her


Peekaboo! Footage from Nagoya, Japan, shows the bird, named Karin, using her beak to prize open a wicker basket - revealing Koume the cat
A cat and a cockatoo have become an unlikely comic duo after a hilarious standoff between the pair went viral.

Footage from Nagoya, Japan, shows the parrot, named Karin, using her beak to prize open a wicker basket - revealing Koume the cat.

Perhaps in an attempt to coax the cat out, Karin playfully pecks at the sides of the box.

But Koume won't take any nonsense and promptly takes a swipe at Karin with her paw.

Not to be outdone, the cheeky cockatoo slams the lid down over the cat's head, prompting chuckles from the person filming the altercation.


Book

Fifty Shades of Cray? Twitterverse suggests more appropriate titles for Hillary's new memoir

Hillary Clinton is set to release a tell-all memoir about the 2016 election, and the title has a few people scratching their heads and/or laughing. Titled "What Happened," it will be an inside look at the 2016 election from Clinton's point of view. Clinton described the book as "the most personal" that she's written, and said that it will give readers perspective on what it's like to run for president as a woman. She said that she "let her guard down" when writing this book.

So this is...something. It should be noted that the book's title is stylized as "What Happened," and not as "What Happened?" or "What Happened?!," both of which would be equally appropriate titles for a book covering her utter disaster of a campaign. Clinton's collapse in the lead-up to Election Day is the stuff of legends, and probably will be studied for the next hundreds of years to pinpoint where exactly she went wrong. While Clinton hinted that she's going to focus on the Russian "hacking" throughout the book, it'll be interesting to see if she owns up to how she completely neglected the midwestern part of the country.


Gold Seal

This is for Boaty: Swedish railway company accepts public vote to name new train 'Trainy McTrainface'

© Herbert Meier/MTR Express
One of MTR Express’s six Stadler FLIRT units will be named 'Trainy McTrainface'.
It's happened again. A public vote to name four trains running between the Swedish cities of Stockholm and Gothenburg has resulted in one of the four being called Trainy McTrainface in an echo of the name chosen by the British public for the new polar research vessel.

Trainy McTrainface received 49% of the votes in a poll, jointly run by Swedish rail company MTR Express and Swedish newspaper Metro.

That placed it well ahead the other three options: Hakan, Miriam and Poseidon.

The other trains have already been named by the public: one is named Estelle, after the five-year-old daughter of Sweden's Princess Victoria, the next in line to the Swedish throne.

Smiley

'Robot drowned': Twitter baffled by robot 'suicide' (PHOTOS)

© seedinvest.com/knightscope
In another example of internet madness, the 'death' of a security robot in a Washington DC office fountain is making waves online.

On Monday, news that a Knightscope security robot had fallen into a fountain was relayed on Twitter by Bilal Farooqui.

"Our DC office building got a security robot. It drowned itself. We were promised flying cars, instead we got suicidal robots," Farooqui said.

Hearts

Golden retriever rescues drowning fawn off Long Island beach

© Mark Freeley/Facebook
A golden retriever leaped into the waters off Long Island during a morning walk over the weekend and, after a furious swim, returned with a drowning fawn in its mouth, its owner says.

Owner Mark Freeley said he had been walking Storm along the sand at PJ Harbor after 8 a.m. Sunday when the dog jumped into the water and started swimming after something.

Freeley captured video of the pup swimming back to shore, clutching something large in its mouth, and once Storm got close enough to stand, Freeley could see the "something" was a fawn.

The video shows the heroic Storm toss the deer onto the sand; the deer moves, struggling to stand up, and Storm grabs it in his mouth and bounds up on the rocky shore.


Bizarro Earth

New NATO flag to better capture its diverse values?

© Russia Insider
LGBT+SS
The Rainbow Totenkopf combines NATO's appreciation for the LGBT community with its appreciation for SS veterans

As we reported, in May NATO marked the "International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia" with a special NATO/LGBT flag. But then the other day it valorized Latvia's anti-Soviet 'Forest Brothers' guerrillas, who by and large were veterans of the Waffen SS.

Seeing NATO is able to get behind such a wide variety of causes, it is probably time it dumped its bland blue flag—which as far as we are aware does not stand for anything—and adopted symbols which better represent its diverse values.

Comment: Seems legit.