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Sun, 22 Oct 2017
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Unpatriotic to offer irrefutable video evidence that a General lied says press secretary

© Brendan Smialowski /AFP/Getty
Washington (The Borowitz Report) - In a stirring defense of Donald Trump's chief of staff, General John Kelly, the White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, said on Friday that it was "unpatriotic in the extreme" to offer irrefutable video proof that a four-star general lied.

"It is unpatriotic enough to accuse a four-star general of lying," Sanders told the White House press corps.

"But to make available a video that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that that general lied is unpatriotic bordering on treasonous."

Star

Putin laughs uncontrollably at minister's suggestion that Russia sell its pork to a Muslim nation


Vladimir Putin burst out laughing at the suggestion Russia export pork to Indonesia
Vladimir Putin had to cover his face as he burst out laughing uncontrollably at the suggestion that Russia should export pork to Muslim-majority Indonesia.

The usually stern-faced Russian President was overcome with a rare fit of the giggles when Russia's Minister of Agriculture suggested the move to Putin during a meeting last week as a way to increase overseas trade.

While comparing Russia's exporting figures to those of Germany, Mr Tkachov said: "They (Germany) send half their pork to export.


Comment: At least Putin has a little to laugh at these days. Reminds us of another time the Russian President just had to laugh at someone's ignorance...




Fire

California: Nurse flees wildfires, shoves pony in the back of her car

© Time Magazine
A nurse fleeing California's raging wildfires said "neigh" to leaving her pony behind.

Lauren Mesaros decided to drive away from the Tubbs Fire flames Monday with her pony, Stardust, in the backseat, after realizing the trailer she had could only fit two of her three horses, SF Gate reported.

"He actually walked right into the car like a dog would," Mesaros said.

The quick-acting woman lured her steed in the back of her 2001 Honda Accord, with the help of friend Carol Spears, whom she called "a horse whisperer."
© pixabay
Stardust
Her sister-in-law posted a Facebook photo of the pony filling up the backseat, his snout fogging up the window, with the caption: "When.. Lauren has to evacuate her pony from Santa Rosa but no transport is available-you do what you have to do."

All three horses were taken to Wind Horse Ranch in Sebastopol to wait out the blaze.

Monday's shifting winds spared Mesaros' property of significant damage but she said her car wasn't as lucky.

"My car will never smell the same again," she said.
© SFGate

Hiliter

Oops! CIA realizes it's been using black highlighters all these years


CIA Director Porter Goss.
A report released Tuesday by the CIA's Office of the Inspector General revealed that the CIA has mistakenly obscured hundreds of thousands of pages of critical intelligence information with black highlighters.

According to the report, sections of the documents- "almost invariably the most crucial passages"-are marred by an indelible black ink that renders the lines impossible to read, due to a top-secret highlighting policy that began at the agency's inception in 1947.

CIA Director Porter Goss has ordered further internal investigation.

Beer

Drunk Wyoming man arrested, claims he traveled back in time to warn of aliens

Police say a central Wyoming man they arrested for public intoxication claimed he had traveled back in time to warn of an alien invasion.

Casper police say the man they encountered at 10:30 p.m. Monday claimed he was from the year 2048.

KTWO-AM in Casper reports that the man told police that he wanted to warn the people of Casper that aliens will arrive next year, and that they should leave as soon as possible. He asked to speak to the president of the town, about 170 miles northwest of Cheyenne.

Comment: This guy gets a solid B+ for creativity!


Attention

Swansea University, Wales, is renaming its law school after Killary

© CBS Boston
Swansea University...WTF happened???
Swansea University in Wales is renaming its law school after Hillary Clinton and will honor the two-time presidential candidate and former secretary of state with an honorary degree. Clinton is being honored for her "commitment to promoting the rights of families and children around the world," and will receive the degree on October 14

Swansea University is proud to announce that Hillary Rodham Clinton is to be conferred with an honorary doctorate at a ceremony at the University's Bay Campus on Saturday 14 October.

The award is being made in recognition of her commitment to promoting the rights of families and children around the world, a commitment that is shared by Swansea University's Observatory on the Human Rights of Children and Young People.

Additionally, there will be a ceremony unveiling a stone that will change the name of Swansea's law school from College of Law to the Hillary Rodham Clinton School of Law. Clinton is of partial Welsh heritage.

On Facebook, some Swansea students were less than thrilled about Clinton receiving these honors, and pointed out that she hasn't always had the best record on promoting human rights around the world.

I mean, Swansea University is free to do what it wants, but out of everyone in the world to name a law school after...they landed on Hillary Clinton?

Alrighty.

See below for the comments in the tweet:

Comment: If they do their legal homework, this renaming shan't last long (unless of course, she is using blackmail!)


Pumpkin

Life is too short not to get the last laugh: 25 hilarious headstones


Straight to the point.
I hate to break it to you, but we're all going to kick the bucket one day. These people were aware of that fact and decided to get the last laugh and have it carved in stone (or marble, but let's not get picky). Life is too short for that.

Smiley

Russia's foreign ministry trolls CIA recruitment drive for Russian speakers - offers 'expert assistance and recommendations'

© Global Look Press
Russian Foreign Ministry has come up with a tongue-in-cheek response to the Central Intelligence Agency's tweet calling on Russian language specialists to help "unveil the truth." The ministry mocked the effort by offering its own experts and advice.

The CIA's tweet addressed to Russian speakers included a picture asking in Russian: "Do you know what you can do as a CIA linguist?" It then cryptically promised would-be spies a place on a noble mission to "unveil the truth."

Comment: Gotta love that Russian sense of humor!


Star

RT rates the top 10 Kremlin critics & their hilarious hater campaigns against Russia

© Reuters
Russophobia has been resurrected. Paranoia and political agendas have paved the way for a culture of fear and mistrust of Moscow.

The 'knee-jerk Russophobia' is being propelled by a furious few, some of them making a very good living from it, thank you very much.

Simultaneously denouncing 'misinformation' - and making up their own stories - underqualified and overzealous Kremlin critics are bringing back decades-old suspicions and stereotypes.

From announcing the 'new' Cold War, to celebrity endorsements... RT rates the top 10 Russophobes.

1. John McCain: The life-long Russophobe
© Aaron P. Bernstein / Reuters
Lifetime award
First place is also a lifetime achievement award for services to Russophobia. John McCain is a veteran, and failed presidential candidate, and boy does he have it in for Moscow.

Islamic State (IS, formerly ISIS/ISIL) terrorists have murdered, maimed, raped and abused tens of thousands. But, according to McCain, President Vladimir Putin is more dangerous.

McCain spends much of his energy these days pushing for as many sanctions against Russia as Congress can stomach. We're not saying he's obsessed, but way back in 2005 he was trying to get Russia chucked out of the G8 when everyone else was still friends.

Comment: Well that didn't take long:
Russophobes react: RT's top 10 Kremlin critics celebrate validation of their existence

RT's list of top 10 Russophobes has been greeted with joy on social media by the lucky few who made the cut, most seeing it as proof that at least someone has taken notice of their years of relentless, baseless Russia-bashing.

Number 1 on RT's list was Senator John McCain. Who else? The veteran Russophobe and former presidential candidate certainly knows what losing feels like, so he was very happy to find he'd bagged the much-coveted top spot.


No tweet from NATO, which came second, but the alliance is still stuck in the Cold War era so is probably not quite as Twitter-savvy as the rest.


Louise Mensch popped her head over the parapet of paranoia to say thanks for the validation. She even pinned the list at the top of her page.


Silence from Hillary Clinton. She may have written something, possibly on the wrong server.


Ed Lucas and Anne Applebaum were 5 and 6 on our list. Lucas seemed pretty happy about his inclusion and was kind enough to point out a factual error, so thanks for that. He was clearly content that everything else was true though.


We've heard nothing from Morgan Freeman and Rob Reiner. They're most likely waiting for the script to tell them what to say.

BuzzFeed tweeted this.


We're not able to confirm whether it is a coded response to their ninth place on the list.

But most heartwarming of all is analyst Molly McKew. She was so over the moon that her rantings have been recognized, her timeline consists of no fewer than eight tweets or retweets linked to her 10th place. We can expect her to be working hard to move up that list.


Apologies go to the hardcore Russophobes who failed to make the cut. There's always next year. You know who you are!





USA

Comedian sets out to insult the flag of every country on Twitter

© Joe Raedle/Getty Images
Vexillology is the study of the history and symbolism of flags, or just an interest in flags in general - so, if you're a Vexillologist I recommend you look away now.

Award winning comedian Ken Cheng has recently taken on the rather mammoth task of disrespecting every flag, from every country, one by one.

He's doing it on Twitter and it's going down very well indeed.