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Thu, 12 Dec 2019
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Wine n Glass

They call me Rocket: Drunken raccoon revels at Christmas market in Germany

raccoon
Everybody needs to relax sometimes and crack open a cold one with friends, but alcohol might be tricky for those who lack stamina or for those drinking for the first time.

A drunken raccoon entertained people at a Christmas market in the German city of Erfurt on Saturday. The poor animal apparently indulged in too much mulled wine, and was barely able to stand.

The raccoon was "obviously intoxicated", a police spokesperson said, "however, a breathalyzer test on the animal was not carried out".

The creature was not afraid of people at all, and the rescue services, who arrived at the site easily picked the poor guy up and put it in a cage, so the animal could sober up a bit. It tried to fight back, however, but was simply too inebriated to do something serious.


Question

Will Greta accept the offer?

Eeyore!!
Donkey Offer
© Notalotofpeopleknowthat
Donkey Offer Article
© Notalotofpeopleknowthat
Source - 20 Minutos Editora

Lemon

Visually a-peeling: Reaction split online as duct-taped bananas sell for $120 THOUSAND at Miami art gallery

duct taped banana
© Instagram / @sarahecascone @artnet @galerieperrotin @mauriziocattelan @artbasel
The art world is known for taking the mundane and turning it into something unique and beautiful, but netizens are struggling to justify the hefty $120,000 price tag placed on several bananas duct-taped to a wall.

The work 'Comedian' by the Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan is on display at Art Basel Miami in an exhibition run by contemporary art gallery Perrotin. According to Artnet, two of three editions have already been sold to two French collectors with the third now priced at $150,000, which will be sold to a museum.


Take 2

Tiger, Tiger? looking slight: Indian farmer paints dog like tiger to scare away monkeys

Indian farmer paints dog like tiger to scare monkeys
Indian farmer Srikanth Gowda has painted his pet dog Bulbul with black stripes and yellow color to make it look like a tiger in an effort to protect his coffee crop from the attack of monkeys.

The farmer told, "I now take Bulbul to the fields twice a day -- in the morning and evening. I have seen monkeys running away at the sight of the dog. The monkeys now refrain from entering my plantations."

Indian reports stated that Bulbul's stripes were painted on using hair dye.


Bullseye

How to discuss "climate change" with a 'woke' teenager

Greta
After our daughter of fifteen years of age was moved to tears by the speech of Greta Thunberg at the UN the other day, she became angry with our generation "who had been doing nothing for thirty years."

So, we decided to help her prevent what the girl on TV announced of "massive eradication and the disappearance of entire ecosystems."

We are now committed to give our daughter a future again, by doing our part to help cool the planet four degrees.

From now on she will go to school on a bicycle, because driving her by car costs fuel, and fuel puts emissions into the atmosphere. Of course it will be winter soon and then she will want to go by bus, but cycling through the freezing builds resilience.

Of course, she is now asking for an electric bicycle, but we have shown her the devastation caused to the areas of the planet as a result of mining for the extraction of Lithium and other minerals used to make batteries for electric bicycles, so she will be pedaling, or walking.

Which will not harm her, or the planet. We used to cycle and walk to school too.

Handcuffs

Smart cop: Indian police officer catches murder suspect by sending old photo, promising to marry him

indian police
© India Today
Balakishan Chaubey, who was accused of murder, was absconding.
A murder suspect on the run from the law has been caught, after a female police officer offered to marry the wanted criminal. Police were waiting when the man arrived at what he thought would be his wedding ceremony.

Police in Chhatarpur, northeast India, had been hunting a man wanted for murder and other crimes. While authorities found themselves unable to track him down, a source informed them that the suspect had been looking for a bride - a piece of intelligence that was used to hatch an ingenious scheme.

A female officer, identified in local media as Sub-Inspector Madhavi Agnihotri, reportedly forwarded an old photo of herself to the alleged killer. After several telephone conversations, she was able to convince the man that she was seeking a husband, and proposed that the pair marry.


Unbeknownst to the suspect, police were waiting at the temple where the wedding ceremony was to take place.

Comment: Rumor has it that this is the photo she sent him:
Justin Trudeau India



Hearts

Stray dog found keeping abandoned newborn kittens warm on side of freezing road

Serenity dog saves kittens
© Pet and Wildlife Rescue
The protective pooch was found on a freezing night by a passing driver who saw her lying on the side of the road.

A stray dog is earning praise as a hero and has become one of North America's most adored canines after she was discovered protecting a litter of 5-week-old kittens left abandoned in the frigid Canadian snow.

The protective pooch named Serenity was discovered on a freezing night by a passing driver who saw the dog lying on the side of the road. Upon closer inspection, the driver found that Serenity had wrapped herself around the orphaned black kittens.

In a post to Facebook that has since gone viral, the Pet and Wildlife Rescue center in Chatham-Kent, Ontario, shared photos of Serenity while telling the story of the unconventional family.

In the post's caption, the shelter wrote:
"Our stray sweetheart is keeping her 'babies' safe at the shelter tonight!"

Eye 2

Shape-shifting reptilian overlords distance themselves from Prince Andrew

reptilian overlord prince andrew
Inter-dimensional shape-shifting reptilian overlords the Anunnaki have announced they will not renew their sponsorship of the Duke of York.

The Anunnaki join accountancy and audit firm KPMG which also ended sponsorship of the prince's entrepreneurship initiative, Pitch@Palace.

The controversy over the prince's ties to the convicted sex offender Jeffery Epstein is understood to have been a key reason behind the reptilian's decision.

Comment: It seems quite likely Prince Andrew has done a lot more than fail to tip a waiter to cause human suffering, given his dodgy association with Epstein. It's still funny, though.


TV

Impeachment inquiry cancelled after five episodes due to dismal ratings

impeachment
The exciting new TV show Impeachment Inquiry was poised to take the ratings by storm, promising to eclipse all the other shows in its time slot. But the show will be canceled after one season, like a lot of bad TV shows and also Firefly.

After just five rocky episodes that failed to deliver any major plot twists, producers pulled the plug on the impeachment inquiry due to lack of viewers.

"The showrunners promised all these big bombshells, shocking twists, and startling revelations, but they weren't able to deliver," said one reviewer writing in Hollywood Reporter. "When there are so many better options out there---rewatching The Office, checking out The Good Place, staring at paint as it slowly dries---why would people tune into this tepid, uninspired mess?"

Smiley

"But I still get paid, right?" asked Prince Andrew

Queen & Andrew
© Waterford Whispers News
"So I step down from whatever it is I'm meant to be doing, but I still get paid?" Prince Andrew asked the Queen, frantically checking his bank account balance on his £12,000 gold-plated Apple watch, "like, I can still keep all this money and piss off to Thailand... Ma'am?"

With the reality of his situation closing in, the 'party' Prince's eyes gleamed in anticipation at the fruits of his lack of labour.

"Okay, there must be a catch; I don't have to speak to the FBI or anything, do I?" Andrew asked again, now wondering if his own mother was setting him up for something bad, like the time that girl had the terrible accident, "so, I can still keep my £270k yearly allowance from the taxpayer, the £13million Swiss chalet with 6 staff, the house in Windsor I just did up for £7.5mill, and all I have to do is 'not work', as in, continue not doing what I was not doing anyway?"