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"I don't feel your pain": Bill Clinton refuses to give balloon to little girl

© Lucy Nicholson / Reuters
Thousands of star-spangled balloons falling from the rafters are to be expected at the end of a US political convention, but Bill Clinton's refusal to give one up shocked one little girl. Now an aide of the former president is trying to clear things up.

At the conclusion of Hillary Clinton's nomination acceptance speech on the final night of the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia, the tradition lived on. Untold numbers of balloons drifted to the floor, where ecstatic Democrats volleyed the symbols of joy in celebration of the historic moment. Thousands were clearly overjoyed, but former President Bill Clinton was rhapsodic.

Video, photos, and GIFs of the 42nd commander-in-chief quickly made the rounds online, but one clip stood out above all. Somewhere in the backstage area, along with Hillary, Huma Abedin, and other staffers and supporters, Bill Clinton carried off his prized balloon - a blue one covered in stars. A little girl in a matching patriotic dress took notice and, assuming that Bill was handing it to her, attempted to take the balloon. The 69-year-old man from Hope, Arkansas yanked it back immediately, leaving the girl with a look of, "Well then."



Russia confirms Hillary's emails mostly cat gifs and Harry Potter fan novel

Vladimir Putin has confirmed that Hillary Clinton's 30,000 private emails are mostly just animated cat pictures and Harry Potter fan fiction.

Putin, who was asked by Donald trump to hack Clinton's server, released tens of thousands of mails this morning, more than 65% of which featured vines of fluffy animals falling off furniture, acting vaguely like people, or what she simply called 'Random cutes!!1 xoxox'.

The remainder of the emails appear to be a work-in-progress Harry Potter fan novel titled Harry Potter and the White House of Power", in which a previously ignored middle-aged woman suddenly discovers she has incredible powers and ends up ruling the world.

A spokesman for Mrs Clinton said the novel was 'just nothing' and denied it was autobiographical, despite a scene where the Death-Eaters build a giant wall to keep mudbloods out of Hogwarts.

"Thirty thousand is a lot of emails for someone who is supposed to be really busy in meetings and security briefings and getting shot at by snipers in Bosnia," conspiracy theorist Chuck Williams told us.

"We figured that most of them would be one-liners - 'let's invade somewhere', that sort of thing - so I'm a bit disappointed that an email titled 'Terror attack!' was just a shot of cat leaping away from a cucumber.

"No, I don't see anything wrong in asking a hostile foreign power to engage in cyber warfare against my home country, why do you ask?"

When asked to comment, Sarah Palin confirmed she could see Russia hacking emails from her house.


Donald Trump's mom gets trolled hard on Twitter: Bad hair day?

Twitter may have just uncovered the most damning insight into what makes Donald Trump "The Donald": His mother Mary and her iconic quiff.

A screenshot of Mary Trump from 1997 has gone viral for so many reasons.


Telegraph wins the Internet: Two walruses die at Putin-backed oceanarium! - not satire

Just the latest mammals to die at Vladivostok oceanarium in the Kremlin's brutal crackdown on walrus dissidents.
Ladies and gentlemen. We give you the latest Russia outrage keenly spotted by the tireless western mainstream media:


John Kerry - Air conditioners as big a threat as ISIS

You know it makes sense — air conditioners are as dangerous as suicide bombers. They must be stopped. Next up, refrigerators...
© JoNova
Here's a petition you can support: Do it for the children, for the future.
WHEREAS, Secretary of State John F. Kerry has suggested that air conditioners are as big a threat as ISIS, and

WHEREAS, it is the duty of our elected and appointed government officials to lead by example,

THEREFORE, we call upon the U.S. Department of State to remove air conditioning from all property that the Department owns, rents, or otherwise employs, including but not limited to embassies, consulates, office buildings, etc., all vehicles owned and/or operated by the Department, and any other property, real or movable, owned, rented, or otherwise employed by the Department.
Hopalong Ginsberg started this petition, and 2,500 people have spoken up already. To sign the petition go to Change.org...

This could help in so many ways.

Gold Seal

John Oliver on the unsurprisingly surprising Republican National Convention

© Via YouTube/LastWeekTonight
John Oliver discusses last week's unsurprisingly surprising Republican convention.


Bored and sober: Washington man leads police on hour-long, 49-mile high-speed chase; no one hurt

© Via Facebook
A Thurston County man led multiple police agencies in a sometimes dangerous pursuit that spanned two counties and 49 miles on Saturday evening because he was bored, the county sheriff's office said.

Sgt. Dave Odegaard with the Thurston County Sheriff's Office said David B. McNalley, 30, had no warrants, no prior convictions and a valid driver's license when he tore off through an intersection at Henderson Boulevard SE and 53rd Avenue SE in Tumwater at 4:38 p.m. Saturday. Burning rubber, he attracted the attention of a sheriff's deputy, who tried to pull him over.

"He took off," Odegaard said of McNalley, who was driving a 1994 Mercury Sable. "The deputy felt like he basically instigated this pursuit. It went from the Tumwater area into the Olympia city limits and then onto I-5."

The pursuit went on for more than an hour, crossing into Pierce County and circling back around into Olympia. A handful of patrol agencies were involved.

McNalley "was passing cars on the shoulder of the road down near Nisqually," Odegaard said. Sometimes reaching 85 miles per hour, the pursuit "was discontinued three times due to speed and public safety."

McNalley circled back into Olympia. The Thurston County Sheriff's Department set up spike strips in the area of 36th Avenue NE and Libby Road NE. In trying to avoid them, McNalley lost control and drove onto a farm, hitting a fence at about 5:45 p.m. There was minor damage to the fence, Odegaard said, but no one was hurt.

Comment: And he wasn't body-slammed, punched, maced, beaten, tased, choked or shot?!

Mr. Potato

Views from the twitterverse: 5 really dumb tweets on IOC's decision not to ban Russia

Twitter is full of idiots...and after the IOC decision to not ban all of team Russia from the games, we find out just how ill-informed so many twitter users really are.

We are sure that all these social justice warriors sounding off in disgust at the correct decision made by the IOC, would have no problem if:
  1. They were pronounced guilty before innocent
  2. Were convicted of a crime their uncle committed
  3. Were convicted of a crime without being allowed to defend themselves
  4. Witnesses used to convict them were known criminals, dopers and drug dealers
Here are the top 5 dumbest tweets about the IOC decision not to ban team Russia from Rio.

5. Ah yes, because only Russian athletes dope...Justin Gatlin, Tyson Gay, Marion Jones

Eye 1

Presenting 'Putin's useful idiots': Anyone who disagrees with the establishment

This weekend we once again got confirmation that any time the generic narrative spectacularly falls apart, and the "establishment" is caught with its pants down (or, in the case of the DNC, engaging in borderline election fraud leading to what the FT just described as "Democrats in turmoil") what does it do? Why blame Putin of course, and more specifically his "useful idiots", and hope the whole thing blows over quickly.

Not convinced? Here is the proof.


Extremely chilled out manatee makes friends with paddleboarder in Florida

The manatee was happy to chill out with Celine and her friend, floating with the pair for a moment before he swam away
Two Florida girls got a sweet summer surprise when they went out paddleboarding - and made a new friend.

Celine Chasteen couldn't believe it when a manatee swam right up to her and put his flippers on her board.

At first Celine had thought the manatee was a rock in the distance as she paddled through the waters of Jupiter.

'But then they started moving,' she told The Dodo.

'The next thing I know, there's a manatee putting his flippers on my board.'

The manatee was happy to chill out with Celine and her friend, floating with the pair for a moment before he swam away.

'It was so cool,' Celine said. 'I've never experienced anything like that before.'

'I thought he was really cute. He was really nice. I hope he drops by again.'