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Thu, 25 Apr 2019
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'No English' says AOC when asked for details of Green New deal

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
© Babylon Bee
WASHINGTON, D.C.-The controversial Green New Deal ran into trouble early on when an FAQ of the details was placed on Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's website and then pulled down after it received scrutiny. For a while her people claimed the FAQ never existed, and when directly asked about it, Ocasio-Cortez has not answered questions, claiming not to speak English.

"No English," a wide-eyed Ocasio-Cortez told reporters who asked why the FAQ appeared and why it was removed from her website.

"Why did the original FAQ say the Green New Deal would provide economic security for those 'unwilling to work'?" persisted one reporter. "What does that have to do with the environment?"

Sherlock

Watch out for snoops! EU diplomats warned to stay out of pubs & cafes to avoid Russian & Chinese 'spies'

Belgian beer
© Eric Vidal / Reuters
Brussels is flooded with hundreds of Russian and Chinese agents, the EU security services warned diplomats, saying they must watch where they go for meals and pastimes, German media reported.

There are "around 250 Chinese and 200 Russian spies" snooping around in the EU's unofficial capital, Brussels, diplomats told German paper Welt am Sonntag, citing a warning they got from the European External Action Service (EEAS).

The same notice was also sent out to EU military officials. In order to avoid being targeted by Moscow or Beijing, the diplomats were strongly advised to stay out of certain parts of Brussels' European Quarter where the majority of the key EU institutions are based, the paper wrote.

The 'no-go' places included a "popular" steakhouse and a cafe close to the Berlaymont building, which hosts the European Commission, and the EEAS HQ nearby.

Snowflake

Snowed-in Russian driver rescued by camel in unusual road video

Camel
© YouTube / ИА Версия-Саратов
A bizarre video showing a camel towing a car stuck on a snow-covered Russian road is making the rounds on social media.

When your 4x4 off-road vehicle fails you in the fierce Russian winter, and even a tractor can't pull you out, you may still hope for a miracle to happen - at least if you're in Saratov, where this viral video was shot.

Uploaded to social media, the footage shows a camel trying to pull the car out of snow on a dual-carriage road. The animal, controlled by its cameleer, succeeds at the third attempt as cheering voices are heard in the background. At the end of the video a tractor is seen on the roadside standing still - apparently after failing to dig out the car.

Smiley

The vegan lobby - Meat-free diet for everyone

Vegans
© Waterford Whispers News
IT has never been a more dangerous time in human history to be a meat eater AKA someone who doesn't have their head in the feckin' clouds.

Meat eaters run the daily risk of being attacked by savage, feral vegans who will stop at nothing until every single one of us is dead, or worse, converted to veganism.

Now is the time to stay vigilant as the Big-Vegan lobby, hellbent on ruining your dinner with thoughts of how it got to your table, find ever more disgusting ways to plot a meat-free diet for everyone.

Bomb

Bomb de terre: WW1 grenade found in French potato shipment to Hong Kong

WW1 grenade found
© Hong Kong Police Force
A German World War I hand grenade was found among a shipment of French potatoes imported for a Hong Kong crisp factory, police said Sunday.

The device was safely detonated after it was discovered at the Calbee snacks factory Saturday.

"The grenade was in an unstable condition because it has been previously discharged but failed to detonate," Superintendent Wilfred Wong Ho-hon told reporters.

Police detonated it on site, Wong said, with a police video showing bomb disposal officers packing the grenade in a drainage channel at the factory before blowing it up.

Sun

Groundhog Day: Phil forecasts an early spring despite chilling polar vortex!

Groundhog Club co-handler Al Dereume
© Gene J. Puskar/AP
Groundhog Club co-handler Al Dereume, second from right, holds Punxsutawney Phil, the weather prognosticating groundhog, during the 133rd celebration of Groundhog Day on Gobbler’s Knob in Punxsutawney, Pa. on Feb. 2, 2019. Phil’s handlers said that the groundhog has forecast an early spring.
It may be hard to believe as a large swath of the U.S. thaws out from a bitter polar vortex, but spring is coming early, according to handlers for some of the country's most famous prognosticating groundhogs.

Just before 7:30 a.m. Saturday, Punxsutawney (puhnk-suh-TAW'-nee) Phil emerged from his burrow in Pennsylvania at sunrise and didn't see his shadow. Nearly the same series of events unfolded about 300 miles (483 kilometers) to the east, where Staten Island Chuck's handlers also revealed the same prediction.

The festivities have their origin in a German legend that says if a furry rodent casts a shadow on Feb. 2, winter continues. If not, spring comes early.

USA

Complete agreement from both sides: Endless foreign wars

Sen Mitch McConnell
© Babylon Bee
Washington, D.C.-The Senate advanced a measure this week to rebuke President Trump for withdrawing troops from Syria and Afghanistan in a bipartisan effort to defend the only thing the left and the right still agree on: endless foreign wars.

While the left and the right barely ever manage to eke out a bipartisan bill anymore, their response to the slightest deescalation in an occupied foreign country was swift from both sides of the aisle.

Arrow Down

Delegates at Davos confirm we are all peasants!

Peasants
© NewsThump
The World Economic Forum concluded on Friday, with delegates unanimously passing a resolution confirming that all you people are all f**king peasants and if you go anywhere near them, they'll set the dogs on you.

The World Economic Forum is a collection of business leaders and other bastards who gather together in the Swiss resort of Davos once a year to congratulate each other on how fabulously wealthy they are.

This year, the key theme of the conference was being better than everyone else, and the resolution was the culmination of a week of seminars and lectures about how ghastly you people are.

Clipboard

Snopes to debut a 'factually inaccurate but morally right' fact checking system

Snopes
Popular fact-checking site Snopes.com confirmed Wednesday they are debuting a new "Factually inaccurate but morally right" fact check result for claims they don't want to debunk because they coincide with Snopes editors' worldview.

The fact-checking website will now label inaccurate claims that they deem "morally right" with the new label, giving public figures whose hearts are in the right place a pass.

"We were often running into situations were a truth claim was absolutely absurd, but it supported progressive causes," said one Snopes editor. "So sometimes we just called it a 'Mixture,' but then people might get the idea that our favorite politicians are being slightly dishonest sometimes."

Russian Flag

The lighter side: Petrov & Boshirov's European adventures turned into board game in Russia

skripal russian board game
© Screenshot Ruptly
For less than $2 you can now relive the experience of fitness instructors-cum-alleged GRU agents Ruslan Boshirov and Aleksandr Petrov, as they set off from Moscow to the English cathedral city.

The makers of the new novelty board game, Our Men in Salisbury, say they were inspired to take a lighter tone by the media fallout and British "Russophobia" that followed the Novichok incident in March last year.

"We decided to make our humorous answer for our Western neighbors by creating a board game, where our compatriots walk freely in Europe and explore the sights," Mikhail Bober, development manager at game maker Igroland, told Ruptly.