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Tue, 21 Aug 2018
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Traces of ministry-grade swerve agent "Govichock" in Boris Johnson's statements discovered by experts

humpty boris johnson
Experts at the Department for Sifting Truth from Lies (DSTL) at Porkie Down in Wiltshire, have been analysing Boris Johnson's statements made during an interview with Deutsche Welle on 20th March, to see whether they may contain any traces of truth. In answer to a question about how scientists were able to identify Russia as the source of the substance allegedly used to poison Sergei and Yulia Skripal, and whether the laboratory possesses samples, Mr Johnson replied:
"They do. And they were absolutely categorical and I asked the guy myself, I said, 'Are you sure?' And he said there's no doubt. We have very little alternative but to take the action that we have taken."
Social media users were quick to point out that his claims appear to be at odds with those subsequently made by Gary Aitkenhead, Chief Executive of Porton Down (not to be confused with Porkie Down), who said in an interview with Sky News that his laboratory had been unable to identify the origin of the substance.

Samples of Mr Johnson's statement were sent for analysis, and according to initial reports coming from the Porkie Down facility, experts have been unable to discern any traces of truth, but believe that they may have found traces of a substance known as "Govichock" - the name of a secretive Government programme aimed at confusing the public by cramming their official narratives "chock" full of inconsistencies and obfuscations.

Snowflake Cold

Hot springs lower stress in Japan's bathing monkeys

snow monkeys
© New York Times
For the famed snow monkeys, a troop of Japanese macaques that live near Nagano, soaking in hot springs eases the stress of cold winters. But how did they come to adopt this habit?
The snow monkeys of Japan are famous, as monkeys go. This troop of Japanese macaques lives in the north, near Nagano, the mountainous, snowy site of the 1998 Winter Olympics.

Others of their species live even farther north, farther than any other nonhuman primate, so they are able to adapt to winter weather.

But the source of this troop's fame is an adaptation that only they exhibit: soaking in hot spring bathing pools. Their habitat is full of natural hot springs that tend to be over 140 degrees Fahrenheit, a temperature that is apparently uncomfortable for the monkeys.

Alarm Clock

Invasion of the time travelers

time traveler

They’ve come from the future for two reasons: 1) To save us from ourselves; and 2) to make YouTube confessionals
In the year 2000, a time traveler reportedly walked among us. He was from the year 2038, but he drove a 1967 Chevy Corvette. His sweet time ride disrupted gravity using a twin singularity system. This time traveler arrived in present day to stop a civil war in the U.S. He did so by contacting the U.S. intelligence community and convincing them to let 9/11 happen. And it worked. The civil war of 2008 was averted, and the history of the world hopped onto a different timeline.

This isn't the plot of a bad movie. At least, not yet. However, it's probably the most popular internet legend you've never heard of. Not to mention, it's definitely one of the strangest 9/11 conspiracy theories you'll ever come across.

But most of all, it's just the tip of a very weird internet iceberg: The Invasion of the Time Traveler.

In late 2000, in the forums for Coast to Coast AM, a late-night radio program dedicated to the paranormal, a man named John Titor began to post about how he was a time traveler. He claimed he was originally sent back to 1975 to pick up an IBM 5100 computer. His situation was a lot like the Bruce Willis character from 12 Monkeys. Instead of locating a virus, however, he was sent back to find a very specific early IBM portable, one that his grandfather had helped program and assemble. It was vitally important Titor retrieve it so government scientists from the future could use it to fight a legacy computer bug nicknamed "the year 2038 problem." (Which, by the way, is a real thing.)


'Get over it' says Netanyahu after the most recent killing of Palestinians

© Waterford Whispers News
In an effort to better explain the killings of at least 18 Palestinians attending a mass protest at the Gaza-Israel border, Israeli leader Benjamin Netanyahu reminded everyone about how they got over the fact Israeli forces killed some children playing on a beach four years ago.

"Guys, honestly there's no reason to get so worked up about the slaughter of innocent people. Just look how we all moved on from a targeted airstrike on some kids playing on a Gaza beach. Let's save ourselves some time and energy and just skip to the 'getting over it' part," Netanyahu confirmed.

Although Netanyahu was visibly relieved to be taking a break from accusations of corruption and bribery, he also appeared vexed by the insistence in some quarters that Palestinian lives carry value that is on par with other, non-Palestinian human beings.


Story about an office lunch thief told in Tweets

working man
© YouTube screenshot
A working man posted a story about an office lunch thief to Twitter — and it has since gone mega-viral.
There's nothing worse than opening the refrigerator to find the food that had occupied your mind all day is no longer there. What's worse is when it happens at the office.

But one man's story about an office lunch thief has gone mega-viral - and it's absolutely hilarious. The story was so popular, in fact, that it garnered the attention of actors and play directors.

Here's the story:


Here we go again....Passage in the Bible predicts the world will end in 2018!

Horseman of the Apocalypse
© YouTube
Christian sects have been predicting the end of the world for millennia, continuing all the way up to the present day. It's humiliating when those predictions inevitably fall flat, especially when the prophets head back to the drawing board and cook up more bizarre calculations to find a new calendar date for Armageddon. For all that Bible-reading, they always seem to ignore Matthew 24:36: "But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone."

In January, someone named Mathieu Jean-Marc Joseph Rodrigue told The Daily Star that the world is going to end on June 24, 2018.

According to him, the date comes from a passage in the Book of Revelations that reads "And a mouth was given to [the Beast], speaking great things and blasphemy, and it was given authority to act forty and two months."

Combining the "42 months" number with the traditionally recognized number of the Beast, 666, as well as the "crop harvest and price" (it's still unclear what that means), he ended up with June 24, 2018.


Smoking elephant captured on camera lighting up jungle cigarette

Smoking elelphant
© Wildlife Conservation Society / YouTube
Footage purporting to show an elephant smoking is perplexing viewers online. While some domesticated animals have been known to mimic such human behavior, researchers are baffled as to how the pachyderm learned to light up.

In 2016, a group of researchers was visiting and assessing camera-traps in Nagaharole National Park in India when they stumbled across the footage, which was published only recently online.

"In India, the Forest Department burns fire lines to create fire breaks that can help control forest fires," Vinay Kumar, assistant director of the WCSs India Program told Live Science. "And this effort leaves behind wood charcoal on the forest floor." RT.com has contacted Kumar for additional comment.

Mr. Potato

'#HimToo': Jesus Christ was a victim of sexual abuse when he was stripped to be crucified - university academic

The MeToo movement has been supported by Hollywood actors, who wore black to support it, and attacked by feminist Germaine Greer (pictured) as 'ballyhoo'

The MeToo movement has been supported by Hollywood actors, who wore black to support it, and attacked by feminist Germaine Greer (pictured) as 'ballyhoo'
An unlikely figurehead has been co-opted into Hollywood's Me Too movement - Jesus Christ.

An academic from the University of Sheffield has claimed the son of God was also a victim of sexual abuse, when he was stripped to be crucified.

Writing in advance of Easter, on website The Conversation, Dr Katie Edwards says this was a 'powerful display of humiliation and gender-based violence.'

In an article headlined with the words '#Him Too', written with an academic from the University of Otago in New Zealand, she wrote: 'This is not just a matter of correcting the historical record.

'If Jesus is named as a victim of sexual abuse it could make a huge difference to how the churches engage with movements like #MeToo, and how they promote change in wider society.'


"Respect my privacy" pleads Zuckerberg

© NewsThump
After a week of intensive reporting, Mark Zuckerberg has asked people to respect his privacy during this difficult time.

Facebook CEO Zuckerberg, who has been splashed all over front pages and news bulletins for the last week, issued a media statement saying that using him to sell papers and gather clicks was unreasonably intrusive and he hoped that his wishes to be left alone would be understood and respected.

His statement read, "I'm sure you all realise that this has been a very difficult week for both me and my company.

"In order to get on with my life, I'm asking news and media organisations to refrain from using the information they have about me simply to advance their commercial interests.

Mr. Potato

Object of affection: Meet the people 'married' to bizarre things

Married to a wall
© Barcroft / Getty Images
Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer with the Berlin Wall before she was married to it in June 1978.
One woman's inanimate object is another's one true love. At least that's the case for the growing number of objectum sexuals, i.e. people who fall in love with and often marry what most deem to be an insignificant other.

People who fall in love with objects identify as "objectum sexuals" or objectophiles and believe their love is reciprocated by telepathic communication. Objects can range from the tiny to the monstrous and "relationships" can vary from innocent to...intimate.

The original object lover

Many OS people view Swedish-born Eija-Riitta as a pioneer for their people after she married the Berlin Wall in 1979 and officially changed her name to Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer. She is also credited with naming the sexuality, according to an online group set up to connect people who identify as OS.

Comment: 20 years ago these people would be put in mental asylums..now they call it ' Libtardism '.

See also: Social Justin Warrior Trudeau corrects woman saying "mankind" - makes her say "peoplekind" instead (VIDEO)