Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Bush and Cheney Answer Critics: 'Majority of Americans are un-American'

Political cartoon.

Click link to chuckle.


Cruise Buys Sonogram Machine for Katie

NEW YORK - Tom Cruise has made an unusual purchase for his fiancee Katie Holmes one that will let them see the development of their baby. "I bought a sonogram machine," Cruise says on ABC's "Barbara Walters Presents: The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2005," to air Nov. 29 (10 p.m. EST). Excerpts of the interview are published in the latest issue of People magazine, on newsstands Friday.

Comment: Apparently, Scientology does not teach one how to be romantic.


World's Ugliest Dog Dies at 14

Sam SANTA BARBARA, Calif. - Sam, the tiny dog whose hairless body and crooked teeth earned him a reputation as the World's Ugliest Dog, has died.

The pooch died Friday, just short of his 15th birthday, his owner said.

"I don't think there'll ever be another Sam," Susie Lockheed said, adding: "Some people would think that's a good thing."

Comment: May he rest in peace.


Raelians want to establish ET embassy in Jerusalem

It is, Drori admits, not a movement "for everyone", though he feels it is easier to talk to Jewish people, because they generally have some knowledge of the Bible, from which the Raelians have picked out a large part of their supporting material. Indeed, the Jewish people, says Drori, have a very special part to play in the aims of the Raelian movement.

Comment: Yeah, the space brothers are just asking for an invite. "Please save us from ourselves! Please! Please!"

Unfortunately, there is no out. We must save ourselves or suffer the consequences. There is no one who is going to come and hand us salvation on a platter. It must be earned, worked for, by the sweat of our brow.

We know that this is not a popular idea among certain members of the post-modern New Age movement. "If the universe is limitless, then we should all have what we need. We aren't wishing hard enough!!!" They would have us believe that the notion of work, of sweat equity in our salvation, is a holdover from the Protestant work ethic.

We think, on the other hand, that there is no such thing as a free lunch. If you believe there is, then you'll be lunch.

It is a choice each of us must make for ourselves. If someone chooses to be lunch rather than to earn it, that's fine for him or her.

We have made our choice.


Woman dials 911 over cold onion rings

THIBODAUX, La., -- A diner upset because her onion rings were cold dialed 911 and summoned police to a Thibodaux, La., restaurant.


Ark's Quantum Quirks for 18 November 2005 - Part 2



Ashes of 'Star Trek' actor grounded by dud rocket

In life, James Doohan was the "Star Trek" engineer who worked miracles on the Enterprise, but a rocket meant to blast his remains into space had engine trouble.

Comment: The lead engineer stated, "I cannot do it, Captain. I dunnot have the power!"

Monkey Wrench

Changes to the Signs Page that will never be implemented. #96

Change #96

Monkey Wrench

Changes to the Signs Page that will never be implemented. #114

Change #114

Comment: Whatduhyamean "changed to"? I thought that was the theme song!


World's oldest animal turns 175

She was born when slavery was still legal in Britain, and was an adult by the time of the American Civil War. She witnessed the invention of the bicycle and Morse Code, and helped Charles Darwin to formulate his theory of evolution. Her name is Harriet, and next week she celebrates her 175th birthday, the oldest creature on Earth.

Comment: Happy Birthday, Harriet!