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Sat, 01 Oct 2016
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Not satire: Kadyrov aide to be recruited through Chechen reality TV show

© Sputnik
Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov will recruit a new aide through an Apprentice-style reality television show, state channel Rossiya-1 announced on June 30.

Rossiya said candidates for The Team show must be ready and willing to work 24 hours a day and have ideas for developing the Caucasus republic, which endured two brutal separatist wars with Russia.

Contestants will face challenges such as climbing mountains as well as "experiencing Chechen hospitality and traditions to the full degree," the broadcaster said.

An introductory episode on June 30 showed a young man with an eager look on his face gasping for breath after laboring through an obstacle course used for training Chechen police.

Kadyrov will select the winning candidate himself with the help of a jury and give him or her a job as head of the Strategic Development Agency, Rossiya said.

Comment: If there's one thing to say about Kadyrov, he's always entertaining!

Given the popularity of TV shows like American Idol in the States, the U.S. might be better served by replacing their electoral system with a reality show. It would certainly be more entertaining than the primaries...

Penis Pump

Ted Cruz: "I will endorse Donald Trump for President if he makes masturbation illegal"

U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) sent shockwaves through the Republican Party today when he announced that he would endorse Donald Trump for President, but only if the GOP nominee would be willing to publicly support a ban on masturbation. The Senator called this 'The single most important issue facing the country today' and that without 'swift action by the next President the country was doomed to slide down a slippery slope of debauchery and self-satisfaction'.

"Self-love is a silent killer in this country. This needless act of hedonistic indulgence is leading our children down a dark and destructive path. It starts innocently enough with a JC Penney catalogue tucked under your mattress, but it quickly spirals out of control, and before you know it, your mother has to call the coroner because you've died from auto-erotic asphyxiation. I'm not saying that we should lock up these one armed bandits and throw away the key; what we need is a compassionate approach that helps these deviants reform and become productive members of society. That is why I believe a prison sentence of three to five years will help motivate these heathens to change their evil ways and stay off the Devil's playground for good," Cruz said. "I'm asking Mr. Trump to acknowledge the severity of this problem, and commit to finding real solutions. If he does that, I will do whatever it takes to help him secure the White House in November. Should Mr. Trump decline, I think it's safe to say that all options, including a third party run, are out on the table."

Donald Trump told ABC News that he was open to the idea, though he refused to take a clear stand.

"Look, do I think Senator Cruz is right about this? You know, maybe he is. To be honest, I don't know a lot about taking care of your own business down there. I don't need to. I'm an amazing lover, the best lover, and I literally have women lined up around the block to be with me. I could have any woman I wanted, so there is no need to for me to be grabbing at very large and not at all inadequate straws. But I do think this business about playing with your own business could have national security implications. My people are going to sit down and look hard and this situation and find a great answer for it, the best answer there is."

Comment: One has to wonder, if this ban was ever (in a insane world) passed, how exactly would this be policed?


John Oliver: Brexit update

© YouTube/Last Week Tonight (screen capture)
The United Kingdom voted to leave the European Union, and it looks like it may not be an especially smooth transition.


SweePee Rambo awarded the title of World's Ugliest Dog

© Alvin Jornada/The Press Democrat
First place winner, SweePee Rambo.
The third time was the charm for SweePee Rambo, who took home the title of top dog at Petaluma's World's Ugliest Dog contest Friday night.

Her blonde mohawk glistening in the sun, legs bowed out like a frog, SweePee was a crowd favorite at the Sonoma-Marin Fairgrounds, where 16 malformed pooches paraded for the annual, infamous honor in front of an audience that peaked at about 100.

Judge Neal Gottlieb seemed particularly impressed with a sore on SweePee's leg, noting dogs get extra points for ooze.


British refugees make the journey across the Irish Sea by the thousands

© Waterford Whispers News
The Irish coast guard has today issued a nationwide warning for the East Coast as hundreds of thousands of British refugees risk their lives to cross the Irish sea in an attempt to flee the impoverished and unstable nation.

Dinghies overflowing with desperate migrants are so far half way through their journey, many with women and children aboard, wishing to make a new start on the Emerald Isle.

"We have rescued hundreds of people from crafts due to overcrowding," winchman Derek Ryan of Rescue 117 told WWN today.

"It's a terrible situation as many of these people are only hoping for a better quality of life in the EU".

Taoiseach Enda Kenny has called an emergency meeting in the Dáil this afternoon to help find a solution to the influx of British refugees.

It is expected many of those landing on the Irish coast will have to be quarantined, as they are not a part of the European Union.

"Emergency prefabs will be erected to help cope and house these poor unfortunate people," Mr. Kenny stated. "I urge everyone to do what they can to help support the migrants in anyway, whether that be waiting with hots cups of tea on the shoreline, to giving them fresh clothes to wear".

An estimated 450,000 people have already fled the UK mainland to neighbouring EU countries.

Gold Seal

Ireland's 'Green Army' fans amid Euro 2016 football violence (VIDEOS)

Ireland may have been disappointed to draw their opening Euro 2016 group match against Sweden, but football fans from the "Emerald Isle" can be proud of moving ahead in the game of hearts and minds in France.

Four years ago at Euro 2012, Irish fans put in a performance from the stands that belied their team's dismal display on the field in Poland.

The full voice of the "Green Army" and their exemplary behavior during the tournament saw UEFA present a special fans' award to the Football Association of Ireland, after the nation had watched its side crash out with no points.

Piggy Bank

Japanese Trump commercial nails the acid trip nature of his surreal authoritarian campaign

Millions have watched this ingenious video.

Could YouTuber and meme creator Mike Diva's Japanese-inspired Trump commercial be any more over the top?

The video starts with a young Harajuku-style girl laying in her bedroom, the walls decorated with pictures of the GOP candidate. After Trump is elected "world president," the fan girl ventures on an acid trip complete with Trump trees, explosions and...a Trump pony.

Well, we think it's a pony. A barrage of symbols from hearts to swastikas follow. Trump eventually turns into a transformer robot who destroys earth, but hey it was fun for a minute or so.

Comment: Oh do make a video on Hillary, Mike - Pleeeeeease.

Mr. Potato

Release the measurements! Group demands Trump's hand dimensions

© trofire
Americans Against Insecure Billionaires with Tiny Hands PAC is an enormous movement of volunteers committed to keeping the presidency out of Donald Trump's grubby little paws. They have been covered by Time Magazine, USA Today, the Hill, and many others.


Sun's giant 'heart' sunspot

© NASA/Solar Dynamics Observatory
The sun has a giant heart-shaped sunspot called Active Region 2529 that is currently facing Earth, as seen in this image from NASA's Solar Dynamics Observatory
The sun gives us life, and it might even love us, too.

A huge, heart-shaped sunspot known as active region (AR) 2529 has rotated around to face Earth. AR 2529 is currently several times larger than our planet — big enough to be spotted by amateur astronomers here on Earth.

Quenelle - Golden

Jonathan Pie News Report: 'How Big Business is voting in Britain's EU referendum'

Jonathan Pie's latest episode focuses on big business and he asks how they sleep at night in "comfy mattresses stuffed with my taxes, probably".