Don't Panic! Lighten Up!
Russians are extremely useful because they can be accused of absolutely anything, in fact, there is almost no end to things you can blame on a Russian. Lost an election? Blame a Russian.
Need to win an election? Well, a Russian armed with a single Twitter account can persuade entire nations to vote for you.
Perhaps you just need to scare the taxpayer into spending more on the military. Then, you guessed it, just get yourself a Russian.
© AP Photo/Alexander Zemlianichenko, pool
Vladimir Putin has been accused of 'undue influence' in Russian elections after they were won by his preferred candidate, himself.
The extent of Russian influence in Russia's election is already under scrutiny, with experts suggesting that a large proportion of the votes may have been cast by Russians.
"It's a concern that Russia keeps cropping up in elections; Brexit, Trump, now even in Russia itself. Everywhere you look Putin is involved," said election analyst Simon Williams.
"We're looking into the possibility that people close to the Kremlin, such as the population of Moscow, may have aided Putin in his attempts to swing the elections in his favour - largely by voting for him.
© RT
"For those lucky enough to be able to afford the quarter-million-dollar cost of attending our prestigious school, we are offering a comprehensive program that will prepare you for a lifetime of convincing yourself that you are a perpetual victim and nothing that happens in your life is your own fault," Harvard president Drew Faust announced in an afternoon press conference.
"It doesn't matter who you are, where you're from, what your background is, whether or not you're by far the most privileged people in the history of our planet - you should feel oppressed, and we will prove it to you."
© Waterford Whispers News
Tillerson was axed from the administration this morning following President Trump's decision to replace him with someone less likely to bring Russia's involvement with a nerve agent attack in the UK into disrepute, after Tillerson failed to tow the White House line that anything Vlad wants to do is probably justified and 100% okay with the US.
© Alexander Galperin / Sputnik
Achilles' day job is guarding precious paintings at the world-famous Hermitage Museum in St. Petersburg but was selected to pick the traditional pre-match predictions for last summer's Confed Cup.
Maria Halttunen, press secretary for Hermitage cats, said Achilles was chosen for the role due to his "ability to choose and analyze," as well as the fact that he's not easily distracted because of his deafness.
The clairvoyant cat will even be given his very own Fan ID, also known as a fan passport, which will allow supporters access to stadiums. In the lead-up to the tournament, the cat will visit children's hospitals and homes for the elderly.
© Waterford Whispers News
After accepting that they share more common ground than differences, the Catholic Church and the Church of Scientology will merge to form the Church of Catholic Scientology, seamlessly weaving the two belief systems into one wild and crazy story about how Jesus came to Earth on a stray asteroid before giving up his life on the cross at the hands of the evil intergalactic warlord Kornok.
The two churches will still keep their long-held traditions of odd ceremonies, for-profit business models and oppression of women and homosexuals, but will seek to add 'loads more new shit' to help drum up new subscribers, sorry, followers, to help them survive through what is being described as 'a tricky fiscal period'.
© Apex TV / Youtube
Noah Novak, who claims to be from 2030, talks with what is claimed to be a future version of himself
Noah Novak, who claims to be from 2030, talks with what is claimed to be a future version of himself
In the bizarre interview with Apex TV the 2030 version of Noah Novak said the other version of him had provided enough information to "prove" they were one and the same person.
However he added that some of the information provided some of the information given was "classified" to prevent the government does not get to him.
But he declined which government - the current US one or one in the future - this referred to.
Noah said the version from 2070 had given him details of his life as proof they were the same person.
The 2030 version said: "He showed a bunch of personal information, he said a bunch of things about what I did, he said all the sequence of events and stuff since I came back from 2017.
Comment: If an obscure channel in Youtube says so, it must be true!
© Unknown
Comment: Why yes, yes they do. They are also offering as an elective a course on Feeling Offended. Sign up while you can! Spots are filling up fast.