Animals
S


Smiley

Pigeon poops on Biden after mistaking him for a statue

No Respect for Demented
© Babylon Bee
MENLO, IA — A local pigeon made a terrible mistake by pooping on the President of the United States today, after mistaking him for an old statue.

"I'm sorry, I meant no disrespect," said Mr. Flappy, the pigeon responsible for the error. "I was just in the air doing my pigeon thing when I saw this old, rickety, ancient-looking statue just standing there, with a blank, statue-like expression on his face. It looked like a perfect target!"


Doberman

Stray dogs maul 11-year-old girl to death in Rajasthan, India

dog attack
An 11-year-old girl, who went out to defecate in the morning, was attacked by a pack of stray dogs and killed in the Niwai subdivision of Tonk, Rajasthan.

The girl named Anisha had gone to the forest to defecate around 6 AM in the morning when she was brutally attacked and killed by some wild stray dogs.

When she did not return for almost an hour, the family members went out to search in the forest.

Shockingly, they saw around six to seven stray dogs nudging the girl's body. Hearing the voices of the family members, many other villagers also reached the spot and pelted stones at the dogs.

Attention

Bird Flu: Another phony 'pandemic'...this time for chickens

Bird Flu
© Off-Guardian
The bird flu outbreak is not real.

That should be everyone's starting point - with everything, really - assume the media is lying and wait for them to prove they're not.

Always doubt the press.

Always.

Especially when the fates seem to converge and every single item in the "news" herds public opinion in the same direction and serves the same agenda

...which bird flu definitely does.

Food shortages. Soaring poverty. Rationing. The cost of living crisis. They're all part of the Great Reset agenda.

In pursuit of that agenda, over the last two years, they destroyed small businesses and wrecked the economy, they have driven truckers out of work and broken supply lines, they have started a war between two of the biggest exporters of wheat in the world and driven up the price of petrol and natural gas.

Bird flu fits this pattern perfectly. The price of poultry and eggs is set to skyrocket...and just days before Easter.

We know they just faked a pandemic in humans. You think they can't - or won't - do the same for chickens?

Now, maybe some of you still have faith in the headlines, maybe you haven't developed that spidey sense that lets you just know when something is total bollocks. And maybe we should make an argument, lest we fall victim to the "fact-checkers".

So, let's talk evidence for a quick minute.

Question

Thousands of scallops wash up on Satellite Beach in Florida, leading many to ask: 'what's happening?'

Thousands of calico scallops are washing up on the beach in Satellite Beach in clusters.
Thousands of calico scallops are washing up on the beach in Satellite Beach in clusters.
Countless calico scallops washed ashore Friday, scattering a mystery over a mile-long stretch of Satellite Beach.

Local beachgoers say they've never seen anything like it, while state biologists — as they investigate the matter — speculate wind and waves brought them in.

Others aren't so sure.

"Our Fish and Wildlife Health staff have samples and are currently investigating further," Carly Jones, a spokeswoman with the state's Fish and Wildlife Research Institute, said Friday. "It is most likely that a combination of wind and/or wave swells washed them ashore."

Kevin Johnson, a professor of Ocean Engineering and Marine Sciences at the Florida Institute of Technology, doubts that's the case.

"Their typical habitat is 30-40 meters deep," Johnson said Friday. "I don't think we've had winds that could do that without some help. I believe something weakened or killed them ahead of washing ashore."

Question

Seabirds are dying by the hundreds in western Newfoundland, Canada

Wildlife authorities are investigating the cause of the mass die-off.
© Troy Turner/CBCWildlife authorities are investigating the cause of the mass die-off.
Residents speculating about cause of the die-off, with similar reports in Labrador

Dead seabirds are showing up by the hundreds on the ice and on shore near the town of Hampden in western Newfoundland, leaving residents and biologists stumped and searching for the reason why.

Longtime resident and murre hunter Gary Gale told CBC News on Friday he has never seen an event of this magnitude before. He said birds began to fly into the bay about a week ago — and within a few days they began to die.

"[It's] unbelievable," Gale said. "Several years ago it was common to see seabirds that would pick up oil if you had an oil spill and die from picking up the oil, but I did make a check on some of the birds close to shore and I didn't see any oil in the feathers."

Gale said residents believe the birds — which so far seem to be entirely murres — are dying of starvation.

Arrow Down

Rat colony beneath D.C. disgusted to find city infested with politicians

Rat in DC
© Babylon Bee
RAT LAND — A rat colony underneath Washington, D.C. recently became aware of a surface world with blue skies, warm sunlight, and abundant garbage. The colony, ruled by a council of noble volunteers, was planning a great move to the "land of plenty" until it was discovered to be infested with hundreds of politicians.

"Ewww! No wonder our ancestors made their home in the bowels of the earth," said Whisker Nosewrangle in ancient Sumerian, the language all rats speak. "Disgusting!"

"Rats, it is hereby forbidden to breach the surface," said a representative of the rat council. "The way is shut! We cannot allow the infestation to corrupt our minarchist utopia."

Surface rats who previously had no knowledge of the subterranean rat colony promptly abandoned their homes in favor of a more just and dignified society.

Doberman

Woman dies following dog attack in Loudon County, Tennessee

dog attack
Officials with the Loudon County Sheriff's Office were on scene of a death of a woman who may have been killed by her own dog. according to LCSO Spokesperson Matt Fagiana.

Witnesses called 911 saying that they saw a dog attack a human and when deputies arrived they saw a large black dog standing over a body, according to Fagiana.

"Deputies were unable to approach the victim due to the potential attack from the dog and a LCSO Deputy was forced to shoot and kill the animal," Fagiana said. "The victim, later identified as a local Tellico Village woman, was pronounced deceased at the scene by Priority EMS Paramedics. Her identity is being withheld pending notification of family."

Fagiana said the dog was a shepherd breed that was trained as a personal protection dog.

Doberman

7-year-old dies after attack from stray dog in Madaba, Jordan

dog attack
Wednesday, a 7-year-old boy died after he was attacked by a stray dog in Madaba.

A security source told Roya that the child died due to severe injuries after being bitten by the stray dog.

The source pointed out that the child died of his injuries after arriving at the hospital.

Doberman

Two-year-old boy dies in Worcestershire, UK two days after being attacked by dog

dog attack
Three dogs have been removed from the property where the boy, yet to be identified, was attacked

A two-year-old Worcestershire boy has died in hospital two days after being attacked by a dog.

The boy, who is yet to be identified, was rushed to hospital after the attack in Egdon, Worcestershire on Monday. The dog is not believed to be a breed banned under the Dangerous Dogs Act.

West Mercia Police Superintendent Rebecca Love confirmed that he "has sadly passed away" in a Birmingham hospital.


Doberman

Meskwaki Settlement woman killed by pack of dogs, the sixth fatal dog attack in Iowa since 2010

dog attack
A pack of feral dogs attacked and killed a woman from the Meskwaki Settlement in Tama County on Monday, according to the chief of the Meskwaki Nation Police Department.

"More than five" dogs mauled the woman near her home on Monday afternoon, chief Jacob Molitor said. A Facebook post from the department described the incident as a "vicious dog attack" that took place near Springs Road, a short roadway that connects with Meskwaki Road near the settlement's tribal center.

Authorities had not released the age or identity of the woman as of Tuesday afternoon.

"It's horrific." said Molitor, who declined to name the breeds involved but said the dogs were located and destroyed Monday. "Everybody at the police department knew this woman."