
© APEnvironMENTALists being removed from a road block by police (eventually) after a controlled 'rebellion' in the City of London, April 2019.
A pandemic is sweeping across the globe. It affects people of all societies, regardless of gender, religion, age and number of social media likes. Those of the vegan or vegetarian persuasion tend to be more susceptible to it, but the culprit is an equal-opportunity virus so it also afflicts all who identify as 'progressive' lefties - from soy-fuelled Social Justice Warriors to latté-infused politicians to career journalists.
The disease is called environMENTALism. A person (male/female/gender fluid, or partially solid) who catches this takes on the persona of an environMENTAList.
How to identify an environMENTAList?Those displaying advanced symptoms often gather in large groups, drink soy-shakes, bang drums out of tune and repeat various illogical mantras, such as "
climate change is real", "
stop cows farting", "
rebel for life" and - occasionally, paradoxically - "
don't have children... save the planet for future generations!"