Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Che Guevara

The 11 Most Badass Last Words Ever Uttered

Ian Cheesman
Cracked.com
Tue, 10 Jun 2008 22:02 UTC
Everyone hopes to leave a legacy. To be remembered after our passing is the closest thing humans have to immortality, at least until cryogenics figures out how to reanimate Walt Disney's head.

Some people try to pull off immortality with a lifetime of achievements and noble acts. But why piss away all that energy on altruism when you can simply spout one badass quote before you take the dirt nap and live on through eternity known as a guy who needed a second casket for his balls?

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Beer

Man Gets DWI After Riding Motorized Cooler


kpho.com
Tue, 10 Jun 2008 13:55 UTC
One New York man's Memorial Day fun ended when police pulled him over while he was driving his motorized cooler.

Leslie J. "Bomber" Marr, 57, was charged with driving while intoxicated and aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle after the police saw him swerving onf the street and driving on the sidewalk in his "Cruzin Cooler," Whitehall Police Chief Richard LaChapelle told the Post Star newspaper.

Marr's electric-powered cooler was filled with 14 beers and has room for 24 cans and ice, Fox News reported.

Under New York state law, driving any motorized vehicle must be done without alcohol, including motorized coolers. In various states, other modes of transportation in which driving is prohibited while intoxicated include lawnmowers, boats, bicycles, golf carts, wheelchairs and horses.
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Display

Satire: 'Warcraft' Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing 'Warcraft'


The Onion
Tue, 10 Jun 2008 10:37 UTC
World Of World Of Warcraft's amazing level of detail makes players feel like they are actually in a cramped, dark apartment playing World Of Warcraft.

'Warcraft' Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing 'Warcraft'

Comment: There are some very serious negative effects of playing violent video games

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Magic Hat

Satire: Apple to fool public for 207th time


The Daily Mash
Tue, 10 Jun 2008 10:28 UTC
APPLE boss Steve Jobs last night unveiled the new iPhone, insisting there was 'no way' he would launch a better and cheaper version in three months time.

Jobs said the latest 3G iPhone could never be improved on, and definitely not this year, just before Christmas.

He added: "This is the final version. It's got everything on it, including a little apple symbol, so there's no way a better one will be in the shops by Thanksgiving at the latest for $100 less.

"Listen: the chances of an October launch of a 4G iPhone with double the storage, a better camera, and a keyboard you can actually use, at half the cost of this one are nil. Seriously.

"So if you want one, go out and buy one tomorrow, because we've only got a hundred, and when these run out, we're not making any more."
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Fish

SOTT Focus: Penn Guinn's French adventures

SOTT Focus
SOTT French troops
Tue, 10 Jun 2008 16:53 UTC
Continuing his whirlwind tour of the democracies of the world: Israel, Italy, and now France; Guinn has touched down in the land of frogs' legs, feasts and funky cheese.

Sarkozystan: the arrival; Our Man Guinn arrived in style, the $200,000-a-trip private jet being used by nameless French sub-ministers was unfortunately not available, luckily under the new regime, non-cronies of Sarkozy are provided with lush travel accommodation.

Image
©Unknown
After some breathing assistance, the man from Antarctica is back, ready for his French adventures.
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Cult

Spoof Doomsday Cult Prepares For 'Annual' Apocalypse In July 2008


BestSyndication
Thu, 05 Jun 2008 06:49 UTC
Cleveland, Ohio, June 5, 2008: The Church of the SubGenius has announced that the end of the world will take place in precisely thirty days, on X-Day: Saturday, July 5, 2008. In preparation for the fulfillment of this doomsday prophecy, the Church has issued a call to all of its members, to participate in a festival with rock concerts and blasphemous rituals taking place in upstate New York, during the final weekend before the arrival of the apocalypse.

The Church of the SubGenius is a popular organization often seen as a "parody" of religious cults, including Scientology, the Raelians, the Unification Church, and racist hate groups such as Christian Identity. The organization is widely seen as a satire that mocks organized religion, or as the church describes itself, "a cynisacreligion."
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Penis Pump

Antarctica base gets 16,500 condoms before darkness


Reuters
Mon, 09 Jun 2008 04:11 UTC
One of the last shipments to a US research base in Antarctica before the onset of winter darkness was a year's supply of condoms, a New Zealand newspaper has reported.

Bill Henriksen, the manager of the McMurdo base station, said nearly 16,500 condoms were delivered last month and would be made available, free of charge, to staff throughout the year to avoid the potential embarrassment of having to buy them.

The base only has a skeleton staff through the long winter.
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Bug

Bugs deliver more minerals and healthier fats than beef or pork

William Saletan
Slate Magazine
Wed, 04 Jun 2008 22:40 UTC
Pass the Land Shrimp

Here's something good you can do for your body and your planet: Eat more bugs.
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Smiley

Cubans guard glasses on Lennon statue after thefts

Will Weissert
Associated Press
Sat, 07 Jun 2008 22:44 UTC
HAVANA -- All he needs is love - and someone to keep an eye on his glasses.

Image
©AP Photo/Javier Galeano
Cuban watchman Juan Gonzalez, smoking a cigar, gestures next to John Lennon statue in Havana Tuesday, June 3, 2008. Ever since thieves twice nicked the round-rimmed wire spectacles from the nose of Havana's bronze John Lenon statue shortly after it was unveiled in 2000, four retirees have worked rotating, 12-hour day and night shifts to ensure they don't go missing again.

Ever since thieves twice swiped the iconic round-rimmed spectacles from Havana's John Lennon statue eight years ago, four retirees have rotated 12-hour, round-the-clock shifts to ensure they don't go missing again.

"You have to be here every day because the day you aren't, there the glasses go," said watchman Juan Gonzalez, an 89-year-old retired filing clerk who smokes up to seven cigars a day guarding the bronze statue from a nearby bench.

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Eye 2

Famous Exorcist: "The devil loves to take over those who hold political office"


Catholic News Agency
Sun, 08 Jun 2008 22:42 UTC
In an interview with the magazine Maria Mensajera, famous Italian exorcist Father Gabriele Amorth said, "Everybody is vulnerable to the work of Satan" and that "the devil loves to take over those who hold political office."
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