'I've been shot!' AOC shrieks as Ted Cruz greets her with set of friendly finger guns

The Babylon Bee
Fri, 29 Jan 2021 21:28 UTC

Sources at the Capitol confirmed today that a significant brouhaha broke out between Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Senator Ted Cruz.

The incident occurred as Ocasio-Cortez was walking out of the Capitol Building and passed by Cruz, who smiled and shot her a set of cool-guy finger guns. "Howdy, AOC! How's my favorite socialist rep? Haha, just playin' with ya, kid."

"Help! I've been shot in a violent attack!" she screamed as Ted Cruz gave her the customary Texas greeting of finger guns. She flopped to the ground and began going into convulsions. "The violence! The horror! He's trying to have me murdered! ATTEMPTED MURDER! I AM IN NO WAY EXAGGERATING THIS SITUATION FOR ATTENTION!"

"COME AND SEE THE VIOLENCE INHERENT IN THE SYSTEM!" Ocasio-Cortez then exploded a ketchup packet she keeps on hand for these occasions, screaming, "THE BLOOD! SO MUCH BLOOD! GOODBYE, CRUEL WORLD FILLED WITH COUNTLESS SYSTEMIC OPPRESSIONS!"

Capitol security rushed over and caught Cruz red-handed holding the finger guns. After a brief struggle and lots of sawing, they were able to disarm him. Ocasio-Cortez then popped up and walked into the building, whistling John Lennon's "Imagine."

At publishing time, Mitch McConnell had held the door open for Ocasio-Cortez, prompting her to scream that she was being sexually assaulted.

Reader Comments

Animanarchy · 2021-01-29T22:07:00Z

Reminds me of a clip from Dumb and Dumber that starts at 39 seconds here: [Link]

Bezel Bub · 2021-01-30T18:59:42Z

"Help! I've been shot in a violent attack!"

If only....

Rowan Cocoan · 2021-02-04T00:58:25Z

"One evening coming in with a candle I was startled to hear him say a little tremulously, 'I am lying here in the dark waiting for death.' The light was within a foot of his eyes. I forced myself to murmur, 'Oh, nonsense!' and stood over him as if transfixed.

"Anything approaching the change that came over his features I have never seen before, and hope never to see again. Oh, I wasn't touched. I was fascinated. It was as though a veil had been rent. I saw on that ivory face the expression of somber pride, of ruthless power, of craven terror--of an intense and hopeless despair. Did he live his life again in every detail of desire, temptation, and surrender during that supreme moment of complete knowledge? He cried in a whisper at some image, at some vision,--he cried out twice, a cry that was no more than a breath--

"'The horror! The horror!'

"I blew the candle out and left the cabin. The pilgrims were dining in the mess-room, and I took my place opposite the manager, who lifted his eyes to give me a questioning glance, which I successfully ignored. He leaned back, serene, with that peculiar smile of his sealing the unexpressed depths of his meanness. A continuous shower of small flies streamed upon the lamp, upon the cloth, upon our hands and faces. Suddenly the manager's boy put his insolent black head in the doorway, and said in a tone of scathing contempt--

"'Mistah Kurtz--he dead.' Conrad. Heart of Darkness. Free at: [Link]

R.C.

HashAttack2 · 2021-02-04T01:30:44Z

Little Girl Arrested For Making Finger Gun At School, Charged With Felony - [Link]

Rowan Cocoan · 2021-02-04T02:16:18Z

HashAttack2 Jesus H. Christ! I am so glad I grew up when and where I did. Poor kids! (And folks claim the dims won't arrest folks for their guns - no but for pointing their fingers - 12 year old girl!!! ARGH

Here's an idea! All of the parents should walk in that class and do an imitation gun with their hands, and walk out, etc. There's NO WAY THAT' POINTING A FINGER CAN SOMEHOW BE ILLEGAL!

RC

HashAttack2 · 2021-02-04T17:10:05Z

Rowan Cocoan I know people have also been arrested in the UK for making "finger gun" gestures, but can't find any articles

Here's another US one - Man Charged with Crime for Making 'Finger Gun' Gesture - [Link]

Surveillance camera footage showed Klingseisen acting first, flipping off Kirchner with both hands after which Kirchner made the finger gun gesture. Judge Maria McLaughlin found Kirchner “acted with a reckless disregard of creating a risk of public alarm, as evidenced by the fact that an eyewitness on a neighboring property contacted 911 because Kirchner’s actions caused her to feel insecure.

WTF! - an neighbour felt insecure on seeing two other neighbours exchange finger gestures with each other

So much for America the brave

I always find it strange how people won't go after the system which enabled (and arguably) created Fauci. That would cause too much change....

bobbinunks

Rebranding in the works? The New (and 'improved') DNC? What's the play here? They're working up some kind of angle I'd guess.

Pinocchio

Sensible commentary worth reading. I think a lot of people are in the same situation.

Demore

Should have put in a picture of the type grown on Earth for comparison.

gdpetti

Diem, Batista, Saddam Hussein in Iraq.... Iran a few times with the help of the allatoyahs... Central America a number of times... South America...

Don't Panic! Lighten Up!

'I've been shot!' AOC shrieks as Ted Cruz greets her with set of friendly finger guns

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