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Why a relationship with a Russian woman might end in disappointment.
1. She is too beautiful for youAll women are like women, but Russian women are like goddesses. Well, almost. Russian women's knockout beauty is one of the most widespread stereotypes about them.
Although one must admit that the stereotype is not that far removed from reality - Russian women do pay an inordinate amount of time and attention to how they look. Wearing your stilettos to take the rubbish out? Putting on full makeup just to pop out to the shop? Yes, and why not? (We do, by the way,
know why they do that). And yet, it is their boyfriends who will have to pay for all this beauty, both literally and figuratively speaking.
You will be constantly outraged - and may become paranoid - at the persistent attention your girlfriend attracts from her admirers. Her dozens of bottles and jars on the bathroom shelf will very quickly crowd out your solitary antiperspirant and will eventually start falling on your head while you take your shower. Furthermore, a lady like that will be a constant source of worry, and from time to time you will have to fight over her (it could be with your fists or in Instagram comments, but you will have to). In other words, say goodbye to the quiet life.
2. On the plus side, you will be well fedEverything depends on self-control, of course, but the temptation to land one day in the kitchen and never leave its cozy confines will only grow with time.
The thing is that girls in Russian families are brought up from an early age to believe one pearl of wisdom: "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Simply put, this means that if you cook badly or too little, your boyfriend will leave you for the girl next door. No matter how you or your Russian girlfriend feels about these conventions from past centuries, one day she will try to surround you with a wall of pancakes (provided she is really into you anyway).
You can be sure that everything will be done on a Russian scale. If she makes borsch, it will in a five-liter saucepan. If it is salad, there will be a basin of it. And if she roasts meat, there will be a full baking tray of it. And do not forget about her family. They remember "the stomach rule" too. A visit to your girlfriend's relatives will involve a lavish meal lasting at least three hours. I think you have already guessed that in addition to falling in love with your girlfriend you will also have to fall in love with Russian cuisine. All the more so since she is likely to measure your love for her by how selflessly and willingly you eat her food.
3. She will be difficult to get rid of......if she has chosen you. Your Russian girlfriend will become your best friend, your partner, your doctor, your beauty consultant, psychologist and sparring partner. All your time now belongs to her, she thinks. Everything (really everything) will be sacrificed at the altar of your relationship.
History remembers how in the 19th century Russian women followed their exiled husbands to Siberia. So do not expect that you will be able to scare your Russian girlfriend with hardship. If you start pretending to be hopeless, you will get even more care and emotional support. And after that, she will definitely not leave you. Never.
4. You will have to be strong all the timeA Russian woman respects strength. Deep inside, she is independent, but even she does not always find this easy. Genetically, she is programmed - as noted by Russian writers back in tsarist times - "to enter a house on fire and to hold up a galloping horse." In the 21st century she can still find opportunities to show the strength of her character. For example, she will drag a 20-kg package of dog food up the stairs to the 10th floor and will not ask for help.
With a woman like that, you need to be head and shoulders above her all the time, if only a little. Both morally and physically. Instead of manicure scissors or a cashmere pullover, you may have to get out your drill, pliers or a jack (she will appreciate it).5. You will not be able to hide from herShe is not a James Bond girl. She is a girl James Bond. You are looking for words to tell her about your upcoming office party on Friday, but she already knows where, when and with whom you are going. She has everything on record. She does not see her stalker-like surveillance of your social network accounts as a violation of your personal space or right to privacy. She is simply keeping tabs on things in order to prevent them from spinning out of control. Yes, perhaps she does it in a peculiar way, but this too comes from generations of experience.
Living side by side with relatives or other families in 20 square meters of space is something that a person born in Russia is used to - in Soviet times, this was the experience of many people. Squeezed together in cramped conditions, people went through school and university, fell in love, got married, gave birth to children and raised grandchildren. Somewhere along the way, the concept of "personal space" was sometimes lost.There are upsides too, though. If you misplace something or forget your Facebook account, you know whom to ask...
6. She always wants to get marriedRussian women are extremely serious about relationships. The desire to marry as soon as possible is sometimes what they sincerely want, and sometimes it is just the result of societal pressure (
last year, 78 percent of Russians believed that one should be married rather than in a relationship). One way or another, your Russian girlfriend is most likely eager to get married and is waiting for a proposal. In her head, she has already picked names for your children, chosen the color of curtains for your future home, chosen the breed of your future dog and decided which days of the week you will be visiting her mother together.
7. You will have to surprise herIt is not true that she needs to be given presents all the time (although it may seem so at first). Yet, subconsciously a Russian woman believes that a moonlit rendezvous is not convincing enough on its own. That is why she will expect more substantial proof of your loyalty, and you should be ready for this. In other words, she wants to be surprised, entertained and won over gradually. The idea of a handsome prince is for some reason deeply lodged in the minds of Russian goddesses.
Finally, if you are lucky to have a Russian girlfriend, here is - just in case - some advice on
how to marry her.
Reader Comments
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Atreides - how can you say "NO!" to that?!!
High heels good for posture? That is the simple most absurd lie I have seen in a while, and we were still at the first point!
Oh wait, the author is Russian herself. Whodathunkit?
Accursed be that desire to rule us so!!
On your head be it!
You go girl! Now run out there and get yourself some new clothes and make up, and get tipsy with your girlfriends. Men are becoming feminized and women love their new role as macho fembots.
Can things ever get this bad in Russia?
Also, Russian and Western are very close. In fact, if a Russian woman were to pull off the sh*t mentioned in this article, they'd get mocked for sure.
Although Russia may be the next big empire, that's as far as it will go. Remember that Russia contains hidden power center of the so-called Antichrist.
Going so far as to push marriage with Russian women, though, even as a joke, speaks volumes.
Let's just say that Russian men and women were made for each other. The End. That's it, leave, go fly a kite and get it all over with. Even better, forget about everyone, everyone can and will only invite adversity. All you'll ever get out of it, if ever, is the realization that people are full of sh*t, that you are also full of sh*t, and that you can't take this sh*t anymore.
But hey, we're humans, aren't we? We're damned to face, fuck and bring up each other's stupid fucking faces, right?
Hey, the SOTT editor who posted this article, haha, yes, Russians are so much more better and more enlightened than Westerners! Oh boy, I can't believe how saintly there are! *swigs bottle of vodka* Xaxa, I love eating my pashtet too, bow to me, burger! (see, even Russians have their insults ) NB: I'm not Russian if you're wondering, my masterful usage of articles supports this.