Joe Biden and Kamala Harris
"If you want to fight for oppressed minority groups, you must vote for this rich, old, white man who authored the 1994 crime bill and this corrupt police officer who has made a career out of throwing minorities in jail for non-violent drug crimes," said a DNC spokesperson. "It's the only way to fight the establishment."
According to sources at the DNC, the old white guy you're supposed to vote for, in order to show that you love and respect women, has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior by several women.
"Several photos circulating on the internet demonstrate proof-positive that Joe Biden loves women and children very much," wrote Snopes, the internet's premiere fact-checkers.
Campaign analysts believe that the cop bolsters the old, rich, white man's bid to become President by bringing some much-needed group identity politics, along with her newfound stances on decriminalizing many crimes she formerly prosecuted and defunding much of the police, in a year in which being an old, white man and anti-crime is seen as a hindrance.
"Look, he has even nominated a woman of color to be his Vice President like a true champion for the poor and oppressed would," reported Brian Stelter of CNN. "Just use your eyes and see: there is only one party in this country for people who care about the downtrodden."
"Now I can go back on Charlamagne tha God's program and show him Kamala," mused Biden to some suddenly panicked staffers.
At publishing time, the DNC was airing ads in flyover country about how the cop they've nominated once called herself the "top cop" of California, threatened to arrest parents of truant students, and tried to keep prisoners in jail as long as possible in order to use them for cheap labor, while simultaneously airing ads on the coasts and big cities featuring clips from her interview in which she bragged about how much pot she smoked because she is part Jamaican.
Reader Comments
"Sniff 'n' Blow 2020"
I like the bumper sticker "Sniff and Blow 2020" - that's got a ring to it. The Trump campaign aught to copyright that sticker right now. It would look great on a billboard next to a major highway.
It is basically the same thing as when some politically-connected person commits a crime but the gov't prosecutors, using "prosecutorial discretion", choose not to go after the individual. The legal system does not allow ordinary citizens to utilize the legal system to go after the criminal (except in a civil suit, but ONLY if they can prove they have been directly harmed).
Since one cannot prove that a direct harm to an individual will occur if a Constitutionally unqualified person is elected, the legal system does not permit any legal challenge to such an event except by a gov't agency specifically tasked to pursue such matters. And, there is no gov't agency that is specifically tasked and/or willing to do so.