Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Binoculars

Poland: Chimp lands tourism job


Ananova
Tue, 24 Jun 2008 12:47 UTC
Town hall staff in a Poland town have put a chimp on the payroll as a tourism promotions inspector.

The 17-year-old ape, called Bobby, is being paid £70 a month in Radkow to plug a local beauty spot - and is already up for promotion.

Bobby plugs a district called Table Mountains which has a cluster of outcrops known locally as Monkey Rock.
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Magic Wand

Chinese museum buys quake pig that survived 36 days in debris


RIA Novosti
Mon, 23 Jun 2008 12:11 UTC
A pig, who amazingly survived 36 days under rubble of a collapsed pig farm in China struck by a devastating quake, was bought by a local museum for $438, the Shanghai Daily newspaper reported on Monday.

The death toll from the May 12 earthquake, measuring 8.0 on the Richter scale and the biggest to hit China in three decades, is nearing 70,000, with 17,000 people still missing.

The pig, dubbed Zhu Jianqiang, roughly meaning "Mr. Strongwill," was rescued by soldiers on June 17. Vets were amazed that the lucky porker, who lost 100 kg (220 lbs) in weight during its ordeal, managed to survive at all, as previously it was thought pigs could only last for around five days without food or water.
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Cloud Lightning

Wind Turbines to Combat Global Warming


The Spoof UK
Tue, 24 Jun 2008 11:52 UTC
Sources close to David Cameron have revealed that the Conservative Party leader is considering radical proposals to build thousands of wind turbines in the North of England, Scotland and Wales, in a bid to combat global warming.

Unknown
©The Spoof
Fans to cool Tory heartlands
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War Whore

Hampstead luvvies gobsmacked at nuke bomb discovery

queen mudder
The Spoof
Mon, 23 Jun 2008 10:51 UTC
London - (Cash-for-Honors Mess): Residents of a wealthy North London enclave are frantic following the discovery of an unexploded nuclear device in safe deposit vaults owned by business pals of Lord Levy.

Unknown
©The Spoof
Operation Rize: more nuclear devices may be hidden in the Hampstead depository
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USA

Video: George Carlin on "the American Dream"

George Carlin
YouTube
Mon, 23 Jun 2008 07:35 UTC
George Carlin discusses 'the American Dream'
"People spending money they don't have on things they don't need"
Warning: contains strong language
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Cowboy Hat

Scientists find monkeys that know how to fish

Anonymous
SoTT
Tue, 10 Jun 2008 14:44 UTC
Short-tailed bush monkeys have a reputation for knowing how to find food - whether it be grabbing fruit from jungle trees or snatching a banana from a startled citizen.

Now, researchers say they have discovered groups of the silver-haired monkeys in Washington that can fish.

Groups of short-tailed bush were observed four times over the past eight years scooping up small fish and eating them along rivers in various parts of American, according to researchers from The Chimp Conservancy and the Pathetic Ape Trust.
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House

Australian man auctions his entire life on Ebay


Birminghamstar.com
Sun, 22 Jun 2008 20:16 UTC
A man, living in Australia, has decided to make a break by selling his entire life on eBay, the Internet auction site.

After his divorce, Ian Usher, from Darlington in Western Australia, decided to sell his house, friends and job.
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Pumpkin

Village elects dead mayor


Ananova
Sat, 21 Jun 2008 17:23 UTC
Romanian villagers re-elected a dead man as their mayor because they preferred him to his living opponent.

Neculai Ivascu, 57, had run the village of Voinesti since 1990, but died from liver disease just after voting began.

But he still won the election by a margin of 23 votes, reports the Daily Telegraph.
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Laptop

eBayer slaps $714 price tag on $630 in cash

Cade Metz
The Register
Thu, 19 Jun 2008 14:26 UTC
In an attempt to game Microsoft's new Live Search Cashback program, an eBayer has put a $714 price tag on $630 in cash.

Here's the listing in all its glory:

ebay
©The Register

That's right, $630 in cash can be yours for $714. But if you access the page through a Live Search ad link that returns 35 per cent of the purchase price, you can make up the difference. And then some. So you make a profit, and so does the seller. At the expense of Microsoft and eBay.
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Document

Errors riddle English exam, other high school tests in Italy


Welt Online
Fri, 20 Jun 2008 12:19 UTC
Usually, it's the student who fails an exam. In Italy, it's the exams which are getting failing grades for embarrassing errors that have already cost one education official her job.

Italy's new Education Minister Mariastella Gelmini vowed Friday that those responsible for the errors would be found and ,opportune sanctions" taken against them.

Several mistakes in the texts of exams that high school students must pass before graduation were found in ancient Greek, Italian literature and in English tests.

The most error-riddled test was the English exam, which was given to students Thursday in vocational high schools whose foreign language courses are meant to prepare pupils for jobs in tourism.
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