Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Smiley

The Irish and The New World Order

Image
© Unknown
Yeah, it's the Irish. They did it. It's the Gang of Two, O'Brien and Monahan; members of POG (Paddy Occupied Government) who ripped off the Harvard Hillel. It is POG that is behind most of the world's problems. It's long been known but seldom mentioned how the Irish faked the Potato Famine and all the other things they blamed on the long-suffering British over the course of some 800 years. They're really milking that victim thing. It's their trademark and their signature.

No one talks about the Highland Clearances in Scotland but the Irish did that one also. Today, the Irish are engaged in a systematic genocide of The Glorious Orange Order and the noble souls who are dedicated to the spread of its high and honorable ideals around the world. Most recently the brave members of The Orange Order of Malaysia and Indonesia are experiencing horrific acts of terror from Muslim extremists who have taken exception to the Biblical right of The Orange to regain their divine right of control to these ancient homelands of The Orange. Lately it has become clear that The Irish are behind these acts of terror. No heart can remain unstirred by the power and passion of the traditional ballad which begins to play as the website opens.

Padlock

Hunt called off for drug lord's hippo

drug lord's escaped hippo
© REUTERS/John Vizcaino
Colombia has called off the hunt to kill a drug lord's escaped hippo and will instead try to relocate the beast after its mate was shot dead by order of the government, sparking outrage from animal rights groups.

The giant animals were imported from Africa by late cocaine king Pablo Escobar and put in his zoo. They escaped in 2006 to live in the wild near the Magdalena river in northern Colombia, causing concerns about local public safety.

Colombia was shocked on Friday when photographs were published of the dead hippo, named "Pepe", and by news that the hunt was still on for his mate, "Matilda," who gave birth to a calf in the wild.

Top Secret

Genuine Stasi files turn up at film set

Secret files of Communist East Germany's Stasi security police were sent to a film set for use as props, triggering an investigation into how such sensitive documents were obtained.

The authenticity of the files were revealed when 15 former political prisoners were being filmed for a docu-play called "Staats-Sicherheit" (State Security) by public broadcaster ZDF.

"It's just unbelievable that something like this could happen," CDU politician and former East German civil rights activist Vera Lengsfeld told Reuters. "This must be cleared up right away."

One of the "prop" files was actually the genuine file of one of the actors.

Padlock

US: Drunk man mowed neighbor's lawn

Wells, Maine - Police arrested a Wells man on a drunk driving charge July 6 after a homeowner reported the man was mowing a lawn with a riding lawnmower without consent.

Two officers went to the residence where they arrested Michael Goode, 57, of 388 Lindsey Road, on two Class C felony charges: operating under the influence with three prior arrests and operating after license revoked as a habitual offender.

"Believe it or not, if you are operating a riding lawnmower it is considered a motor vehicle under state statute," Wells Police Lt. Gerald Congdon said.

Smiley

Man charged $23,148,855,308,184,500 for one pack of cigarettes

Manchester, N.H. - A New Hampshire man says he swiped his debit card at a gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes and was charged over 23 quadrillion dollars.

Josh Muszynski checked his account online a few hours later and saw the 17-digit number - a stunning $23,148,855,308,184,500 (twenty-three quadrillion, one hundred forty-eight trillion, eight hundred fifty-five billion, three hundred eight million, one hundred eighty-four thousand, five hundred dollars).

Muszynski says he spent two hours on the phone with Bank of America trying to sort out the string of numbers and the $15 overdraft fee.

Roses

In Italy, wedding bouquet throw crashes plane

wedding bouquet
© unknown
The tradition of throwing the wedding bouquet has led to a tragic plane crash in the port city of Livorno on Italy's western coast.

The incident happened after the bouquet was sucked into the engine of a light plane that the married couple had hired to fly in after the wedding ceremony.

The aircraft was flying over a group of single women when the engine caught fire and exploded, Italy's Corriere della Sera reported.

Smiley

5 Big Holes

1. Kimberlee Big Hole -- South Africa

Kimberlee hole in south africa
© n/a

Apparently the largest ever hand-dug excavation in the world, this 1097 meter deep mine yielded over 3 tons of diamonds before being closed.

Mr. Potato

Who's that guy dressed like the devil at the Tour de France?

He's as much a part of the Tour de France as time trials, mountain stages, yellow jerseys and podium girls and is probably more recognizable to cycling fans than a majority of the riders in this year's race. He's Didi, the guy with that huge bike who dresses up like the devil and jumps up and down like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. Even if you've watched little of the Tour over the past 16 years, you've probably seen him on the course, gesticulating wildly while holding his three-speared pitchfork. So who is he and, more importantly, what's his deal?

Black Cat

Cats 'exploit' humans by purring

Cat owners may have suspected as much, but it seems our feline friends have found a way to manipulate us humans.

Researchers at the University of Sussex have discovered that cats use a "soliciting purr" to overpower their owners and garner attention and food.

Unlike regular purring, this sound incorporates a "cry", with a similar frequency to a human baby's.

The team said cats have "tapped into" a human bias - producing a sound that humans find very difficult to ignore.

Roses

Award turns blind Japan pianist into music sensation


Nobuyuki Tsujii plays La Campanella at Cliburn

Japanese pianist Nobuyuki Tsujii has become the latest star on the classical music scene after winning one of the world's most prestigious awards, but the blind 20-year-old has no need for a score.

Blind since birth, the college student last month won top prize at the 13th Van Cliburn International Piano Competition in the United States.

Tsujii, who shared first prize with 19-year-old Haochen Zhang of China, became the first Japanese -- and the first blind -- pianist to win the coveted award.