Shocked staff at the Blue Planet Aquarium in Cheshire Oaks have discovered a mysterious fish which has been living unnoticed in one of their displays.

The 40-centimetre-long sand sole was discovered during routine cleaning work on an open native rock-pool tank.

Stock checks confirmed there were no records of the flatfish having arrived at the aquarium and staff believe it could have remained undiscovered for years - potentially since the aquarium opened 13 years ago.

Acting curator Colin Grist said: "They are, as a flat fish, very cryptic, so that might explain how it has remained unseen for possibly years.

"There is no record of the species being acquired and introduced in recent years so it could possibly be a survivor from the days the aquarium was built.

A risque church billboard showing the Virgin Mary and Joseph in bed apparently after having disappointing sex has caused outrage among Christians in New Zealand.

The large poster depicts a dejected-looking Joseph lying next to Mary, whose eyes are turned heavenwards, under the words: "Poor Joseph. God was a hard act to follow."

Both figures, painted in classical fresco style, appear to be naked.

Within hours of the billboard being erected outside the Anglican church of St Matthew's in the City, in central Auckland, it had been attacked by a man who clambered on to the roof of his car to smear brown paint over it.

As a result it was almost obliterated and the church, which describes itself as "progressive", is seeking a replacement.

First things first. The "authenticity" or otherwise of the Shroud of Turin does not have any implications for whether or not Christ was real, or whether He was divine. If it was a medieval forgery, it doesn't mean the stories aren't true; if it really was made in the first century AD, it doesn't mean they were. Until we find a reliable method of linking the shroud with Christ Himself - a nametag stitched in it by His mum, perhaps - the existence of a 2,000-year-old cloth does not imply that a particular person who died around the time it was made was the Son of God.

I mention this because today, we report that a group of scientists - working, unexpectedly, for the Italian sustainable energy agency ENEA - claim that the marks on the cloth could only have been made by ultraviolet radiation. They say that "When one talks about a flash of light being able to colour a piece of linen in the same way as the shroud, discussion inevitably touches on things like miracles and resurrection," and that they "hope our results can open up a philosophical and theological debate". They do, however, say "as scientists, we were concerned only with verifiable scientific processes."

Looks like the PC police have threatened members of the House of Representatives against wishing constituents a "Merry Christmas," if they want to do so in a mailing paid for with tax dollars.

Members who submit official mailings for review by the congressional franking commission that reviews all congressional mail to determine if it can be "franked," or paid for with tax dollars, are being told that no holiday greetings, including "Merry Christmas," can be sent in official mail.

"I called the commission to ask for clarification and was told no 'Merry Christmas.' Also told cannot say 'Happy New Year' but can say 'have a happy new year' - referencing the time period of a new year, but not the holiday," said a Hill staffer who requested anonymity.

Another Hill staffer told The Washington Examiner that "we were given that advice after submitting" a draft mailing.

A cable TV repairman got quite a surprise when he walked into the basement of a New Jersey home.

There was a 500-pound bear sound asleep on the floor.

The bear had been spotted wandering in the neighborhood in Hopatcong earlier Wednesday. It's not clear how it got into the home.

The bear ambled out of the house before state Fish and Game officials arrived.

A seal pup had a risky adventure and gave Welcome Bay, New Zealand homeowner Annette Swoffer a scare on Thursday. According to New Zealand's Department of Conservation, the animal, nicknamed Lucky, broke into Swoffer's home through a cat door and decided to take a nap on her sofa.

Swoffer told the Sydney Morning Herald that she first encountered the seal in her kitchen. After sniffing around and not finding anything to its liking - including her confused dog and cats - Lucky proceeded to waddle up her stairs, jump on her couch and take a nap. He was there 45 minutes later when a DOC ranger came to send him back home.

Washington - In a 30-minute video released Thursday, al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri criticized the mass transportation infrastructure of the United States, claiming significant repairs and upgrades would need to be implemented before the militant group would consider destroying any roads, bridges, or railways with terrorist attacks.

Reading from a prepared statement, al-Zawahiri blasted the U.S. government for its lack of foresight and admonished its leaders for failing to provide Americans with efficient and reliable modes of public transport to reduce traffic congestion, lower carbon emissions, improve air quality, and supply suitable targets for terrorists.

"The al-Qaeda network is fully prepared to continue the jihad against the American infidels by launching deadly attacks, but your outdated and rusting transportation infrastructure needs to be completely overhauled for those strikes even to be noticed," al-Zawahiri said. "We want to turn your bridges into rubble, but if we claimed credit for making them collapse, nobody would ever believe us."

"We'd really just be doing you a favor because then you'd actually have to rebuild them," al-Zawahiri added.

The al-Qaeda commander confirmed his organization initially hoped to cripple travel in the United States by destroying its nationwide high-speed rail system, but had been shocked to discover no such thing exists. Calling it a cost-efficient, modern way of travel that would serve as a boon to small businesses and the national economy, al-Zawahiri implored U.S. officials to invest in not just one high-speed passenger train network, but many of them, so they could all be blown up simultaneously in a signature al-Qaeda attack upon the nation's major population centers.

Throughout the threatening video, the terrorist leader questioned the priorities of American politicians, asking why they would refuse to fund engineering projects that would create jobs, bombing opportunities, and new ways for the U.S. compete globally.

Despite or maybe because of the retail giant Lowe's backing down in the face of stupid bigots, ad time for the TLC reality series All-American Muslim has apparently sold out, with hip hop mogul Russell Simmons poised to buy up any unsold time. Lowe's pulled its commercials from the show, which follows the utterly ordinary activities of five Muslim families in Dearborn, Michigan, after the Florida Family Association complained the show "is attempting to manipulate Americans into ignoring the threat of jihad" by, in fact, showing that nobody in the show is in any way interested in jihad. A petition to boycott Lowe's here. And a brilliant Jon Stewart on how facts sure can mess with one's "belief structure," aka stupid bigotry.

In an exclusive interview with Sott.net, political analyst and intrepid journalist Ignatious O'Reilly went on record to say that, based on years of personal observation, Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich is an "invented person, who is in fact the product of a mediatic experiment of mass perception and has historically been a puppet of the Israel lobby. He has also been a member of the non-Reality based community and as such cannot be said to exist in the full sense of the word. This is the most plausible explanation for Gingrich's other-worldly declarations of late."

"I do have an alternative theory", Mr O'Reilly stressed, "but it involves parallel universes and Bizarro Worlds where wrong is right, black is white, and predator drones are fluffy bunny-rabbits, but I am still waiting on the informed opinion of my contacts at the Large Hadron Collider Particle Accelerator facilities".

Mr O'Reilly added unapologetically: "Is what I said factually correct? Yes. Is it historically true? Yes." However, O'Reilly left open the possibility of a friendly settlement with Gingrich by pointing out that he had no ill feelings towards the former Speaker. "I don't have much anger to spare on a daily basis - I usually spend it all on public transport - so I choose to reserve whatever I have left for real people. Being angry at Newt would be like being angry at the Eiffel Tower or the color blue. In fact, I am thankful for the amusement that such a character can bring me every time he opens his mouth and releases jewels of nonsense capable of inspiring dadaist artists back into the creative process. Heck, I like Barney the Dinosaur too for similar reasons, and he also can hardly be called a person!"

Every four years, says John Stewart, a holiday "miracle" takes place. The Republican candidates for president line up to speak to the Republican Jewish Coalition Forum, an event where conservative Jews gather to witness the spectacle of several "incredibly religious Christian presidential candidates fighting over who loves Jews more."

At this year's event, Rick Santorum's opening salvo was to declare that he and his wife (meaning: his wife) picked out a tile in Jerusalem to hang by their kitchen sink. Rick Perry bragged of his multiple visits to Jerusalem's Western Wall. Michele Bachmann scored high for joining a kibbutz straight out of high school, and Mitt Romney mangled a Seinfeld quote.

Watch the video, embedded via Comedy Central, below: