Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Mr. Potato

UK: Police officer 'chased himself' after being mistaken for burglar

officer, camera
© AlmanyAs the probationary officer from Sussex Police searched the area for suspects, the camera operator radioed that he had seen someone 'acting suspiciously' in the area

An undercover police officer "chased himself round the streets" for 20 minutes after a CCTV operator mistook him for suspect.

The junior officer, who has not been named, was monitoring an area hit by a series of burglaries in an unnamed market town in the country's south.

As the probationary officer from Sussex Police searched for suspects, the camera operator radioed that he had seen someone "acting suspiciously" in the area.

But he failed to realise that it was actually the plain-clothed officer he was watching on the screen, according to details leaked to an industry magazine.

Bad Guys

The Psychopath Speaks: Henry Kissinger: "If You Can't Hear the Drums of War You Must Be Deaf" (Satire)

Image
Henry Kissinger, the most famous living practitioner of international statecraft
New York, USA - In a remarkable admission by former Nixon era Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger, reveals what is happening at the moment in the world and particularly the Middle East.

Speaking from his luxurious Manhattan apartment, the elder statesman, who will be 89 in May, is all too forward with his analysis of the current situation in the world forum of Geo-politics and economics.

"The United States is bating China and Russia, and the final nail in the coffin will be Iran, which is, of course, the main target of Israel. We have allowed China to increase their military strength and Russia to recover from Sovietization, to give them a false sense of bravado, this will create an all together faster demise for them. We're like the sharp shooter daring the noob to pick up the gun, and when they try, it's bang bang. The coming war will will be so severe that only one superpower can win, and that's us folks. This is why the EU is in such a hurry to form a complete superstate because they know what is coming, and to survive, Europe will have to be one whole cohesive state. Their urgency tells me that they know full well that the big showdown is upon us. O how I have dreamed of this delightful moment."

People

The Plague Of Gay Marriage In Iowa

Image
Well, gay marriage has been legal here in Iowa for going on three years now, and just as FOX News predicted, traditional marriage has all but ceased to exist in the Hawkeye state.

The sinister influence of the gay agenda has spread through Iowa faster than anyone thought possible. This epidemic was so pervasive in Iowa that in just the past six months alone, you could see Santorum in public view in every one of Iowa's 99 counties.

I, myself was accosted by a young man who asked directions to the nearest Bed, Bath and Beyond. Though it may sound harmless, I could read between the lines and tell what he really wanted. I was fortunate that I managed to get away before he could show me how to pick out throw pillows that complement my living room decor.

Some Iowans built underground gay shelters in their back yards where they can be safe from the gay influence, while school children are being taught how to "duck and cover" when they hear the gay warning sirens go off.

Dollar

Aussie Boss Gives $15 Million Bonus to Staff

Image
© Shutterstock.com
An Australian bus operator has stunned his employees by handing out Aus$15 million (US$15.9 million) in thank you bonuses, with workers saying Wednesday they were overwhelmed by his generosity.

Ken Grenda, 79, sold his family-run company after 66 years and decided to put a chunk of the profits into the pockets of his employees for their hard work and loyalty.

Many of his 1,800 workers thought their banks had made an error when they discovered thousands of dollars in their accounts, the Herald Sun reported.

Magic Wand

How to Handle a Cell Phone That Rings During Concert

Violinist Lukas Kmit responds to a Nokia ringtone that interrupts his concert.


Attention

My Interview With The Earth On Its 4.5 Billion Birthday.

Black Swan
© netsolhost.com
Me: Happy Birthday

Earth: Thank You.

Me: How are you feeling?

Earth: Just like anyone who is half way through life.

Me: What do you make of the times we live in?

Earth: Sorry, remind me, which mutation are you again.

Me. A human being.

Earth: A what?

Me: I am one of seven billion Homo Sapiens

Earth: Now I remember; sorry I have seen a lot of life forms come and go.

Me: So again, what do you think of the times we live in?

Earth: Pretty boring.

Smiley

Obama Speaks about strange sound noise all around the world


Smiley

A Snoring Dormouse

Don't worry, he's okay! He's just sleeping.

Dormice hibernate in the winter in nests that they make hidden away on the ground. In Britain the dormouse may spend up to 1/3 of its life in hibernation. Dormice usually enter hibernation at the time of the first frost, when nearly all food is gone. Dormice rely upon fat reserves gathered in the summer and autumn, and during hibernation they loose about a quarter of their body weight.

Surrey Wildlife Trust Mammal Project Officer, Dave Williams, took this lovely footage of a dormouse in torpor.


Smiley

Don't Want to Pay Taxes? Say You Live in Heaven

Tax Evasion
© MinyanvilleCelestial tax season!

Lots of people play fast and loose with the American tax code -- even presidential candidates. In fact, a USA Today article from last October reported that nearly a half a million US income tax filers paid no tax at all in 2009.

There are 11 popular reasons that Americans have for either filing their taxes late or not paying them at all. These excuses, according to Intuit Inc.'s Turbo Tax folks, run the gamut from laziness, forgetfulness, and ignorance of the law to the belief that paying income taxes is voluntary or a violation of Constitutional rights.

The one glaring omission left off from this list is the "heavenly transcendence" defense. At least that's what a 40-year-old Melbourne, Florida man would have the IRS believe. When Russell P. Gentile received a grand jury indictment for false tax returns, specifically reporting that he had no reportable income in 2001 and 2002, his response was that he was excused from paying taxes in the U.S. because he does not reside here.

Attention

Pepsi defends lawsuit: canned mouse would turn 'jelly-like'

An Illinois man who sued PepsiCo after he allegedly found a mouse in his can of Mountain Dew received an interesting response from the company: the soda would turn a mouse to jelly before he ever would have found it.

Roland Ball said he began to drink a can of Mountain Dew he had purchased from a vending machine at his place of employment Nov. 10, 2009, but spit it out when he "tasted something foul," the Madison Record reported.

Ball said he poured the contents of the can into a Styrofoam cup and discovered the remains of a mouse, which he claimed he sent in a mason jar to PepsiCo at the company's request and which was returned in bad condition.

The lawsuit was filed in 2009 and is now going before a judge. An affidavit filed in the Illinois Circuit Court in Madison County contends that it would have been impossible for Ball to find an intact mouse in a can of Mountain Dew that PepsiCo said was produced Aug. 28, 2008.

After thirty days in the fluid, the mouse will have been transformed into a 'jelly-like' substance.