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Smiley

Satire: Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital


The Onion
Sat, 18 Feb 2012 09:41 UTC
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The newborn and future scourge of the post-Syndicate wasteland.
Bellevue, NE - Shortly after 8 a.m. Tuesday, Landon Matthew Crowley, a 7-pound, 14-ounce baby boy and the future warlord who will rule over the charred remnants of what was once the state of Nebraska, was welcomed into the world at Omaha's Methodist Hospital, sources reported.

Born to Jack and Monica Crowley of Bellevue, NE, the child is reported to be healthy and happy and unaware that he'll one day violently subdue dozens of warring, radiation-scarred factions under a brutal regime of torture and forced fealty the likes of which the Gamma Quadrant wasteland has never seen.

According to Mr. Crowley, both mother and future mass-murdering tyrant are now resting at home and "doing great."

"I can't believe he's finally here, my beautiful baby boy," said the boy's elated mother who, in 12 years' time, will be ruthlessly gunned down before her son's eyes by Prism Syndicate mech-infantry fighting in the gruesome Mineral Wars that will leave the former United States utterly demolished. "I'm so happy."
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Smiley

Exclusive Interview! Donald Rumsfeld Defends Predator Drones

Dr. Kevin Barrett
Truthjihad Blogspot
Tue, 21 Feb 2012 07:50 UTC
Rumsfeld
© Truthjihad Blogspot
I was lucky enough to catch up with Donald Rumsfeld, former Secretary of Defense, at the Edward Teach Memorial Golf Course and Scuba Diving Facility outside of Kingston, Jamaica. Rummy had hit two horrible shots in a row, badly slicing both of his balls, and was in a foul mood.

Interviewer
Hey Rummy, you aim golf balls even worse than predator drones!

Rumsfeld
Watch out, asshole, or I'll aim one at you.

Interviewer
If you did, I'd be the safest guy on the fairway.

Rumsfeld
There are known knowns, known unknowns, unknown knowns, and unknown unknowns. You're an unknown unknown. Bug off.

Interviewer
Actually, I wanted to ask you a few questions about predator drones.

Rumsfeld (chuckling)
You don't say! That happens one of my favorite topics. After all, I pioneered them! Obama uses them more than we did, so he gets the Nobel Peace Prize! Is that unfair, or what?

(The rest of the interview was conducted intermittently, between the 9th and 11th holes.)
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Toys

Lyze - the happiest owlet

dandorodandoro
YouTube
Thu, 17 Nov 2011 03:07 UTC
Lyze is a little owl, who likes to be cuddled. Enjoy his happiness! :)

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Mr. Potato

Toys cannot hold protest because they are not citizens of Russia, officials rule

Kevin O'Flynn
The Guardian
Thu, 16 Feb 2012 09:53 UTC
Siberian authorities ban protest by 100 Kinder Surprise toys, 100 Lego people, 20 model soldiers, 15 soft toys and 10 toy cars

There hadn't been many - indeed any - rallies like it before in Russia. Last month saw dozens of toys, from teddy bears to Lego figurines, standing out in the snow of a Siberian city with banners complaining about corruption and electoral malpractice.

At the time, Russian authorities in Barnaul declared the protest "an unsanctioned public event".

Now a petition to hold another protest featuring 100 Kinder Surprise toys, 100 Lego people, 20 model soldiers, 15 soft toys and 10 toy cars has been rejected because the toys have been deemed not to be "citizens of Russia".

"As you understand, toys, especially imported toys, are not only not citizens of Russia but they are not even people," Andrei Lyapunov, a spokesman for Barnaul, told local media.
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Penis Pump

US: 700 Club Personality Accused of Stealing Husband's Porn

Andrew Jones
Raw Story
Tue, 14 Feb 2012 13:08 UTC
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© unk
Tamara Lowe, a frequent guest on The 700 Club and author of the book Get Motivated, and her husband Peter are in the midst of an acrimonious divorce that just got uglier: in court documents, Peter accused Tamara and her new boyfriend of stealing his porn.

According to south Florida website Gossip Extra, the Christian motivation speaker and her spouse are on the verge of closing their marriage of 24 years.

In a motion filed to the court, Peter Lowe claimed Tamara's new boyfriend and two other men stole items from his Miami house while he was in Las Vegas, including porn videos. Other items reported as missing include photos, five laptops, a desktop and boxes of documents. Lawyers from Tamara Lowe claimed that their client returned all of her husband's items.

The couple developed a $100 million business based on Tamara Lowe's best selling book Get Motivated. The book's success led them to create "Get Motivated Seminars" and secure guests such as former First Lady Laura Bush and former Secretary of State Colin Powell to speak at their events.
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Snowman

Swiss Man Installs Wood-burning Stove in Car

Jane McEntegart
Boing Boing
Mon, 13 Feb 2012 10:19 UTC
Yo, dawg, we heard you like wood-burning stoves...

Europe is currently experiencing a pretty nasty cold snap. With plummeting temperatures, huge amounts of snow, and treacherous roads, it's hardly surprising that a number of people have lost their lives as a result of the bad weather. However, it seems one man in Switzerland is determined to ward off the cold no matter what -- even if it means resorting to rather unconventional methods.
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© Boing Boing

This is Pascal Prokop. Pascal drives a 1990 Volvo 240 station wagon, which he has, uh, improved, with the addition of a real wood-burning stove. According to the captions on the photos, which are credited to Reuters, Mr. Prokop obtained an operating permit for his stove-car from the Swiss Technical Inspection Authority, making it perfectly legal to operate. We're sure it's perfectly safe. Apart from the fire.
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© Boing Boing
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People

US: Virginia To Deny Gay Adoption On Religious Grounds

Stephen D. Foster Jr.
AddictingInfo
Sat, 11 Feb 2012 16:26 UTC
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© unk
The war against the LGBT community is alive and well in the state of Virginia, and children are being caught in the crossfire. On Friday, the Virginia Senate passed SB 349, which gives private adoption agencies the power to deny the placement of children with same-sex couples on religious grounds.

Known as the 'conscience clause' bill, the bill allows adoption agencies to deny same-sex couples the opportunity to adopt children, even if they are well qualified to do so. The Senate passed the bill along partisan lines 22-18 and the House has already passed a version of the bill. Governor McDonnell is expected to sign the bill the second it hits his desk.

The bill is supposedly being passed to defend the religious freedom of faith based adoption agencies, of which there are over 80. Many of the agencies also happen to be state funded, which begs the question: How is it possible for government money to be used to violate the First Amendment? The answer, of course, is that it shouldn't be.
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War Whore

Satire: Iran Worried U.S. Might Be Building 8,500th Nuclear Weapon


The Onion
Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:16 UTC
Nuclear Bomb
Tehran - Amidst mounting geopolitical tensions, Iranian officials said Wednesday they were increasingly concerned about the United States of America's uranium-enrichment program, fearing the Western nation may soon be capable of producing its 8,500th nuclear weapon.

"Our intelligence estimates indicate that, if it is allowed to progress with its aggressive nuclear program, the United States may soon possess its 8,500th atomic weapon capable of reaching Iran," said Iranian foreign minister Ali Akbar Salehi, adding that Americans have the fuel, the facilities, and "everything they need" to manufacture even more weapons-grade fissile material.
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Handcuffs

George Carlin and the Illusion of Freedom

George Carlin
You Tube
Fri, 10 Feb 2012 06:59 UTC
Do we really have freedom of choice? George Carlin was a brilliant man able to get the message across using comedy as the tool.

Perhaps we should have listened more and laughed less when he spoke.

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House

US, Wisconsin: 12-Year-Old Boy Saves His Grandmother's House from Foreclosure

Nadine Bells
Good News
Thu, 09 Feb 2012 00:00 UTC
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A 12-year-old Wisconsin boy intervened when he learned that his grandmother's home was scheduled for auction.

Noah Lamaide raised $10,500 in one month to save his grandmother's century-old home from the chopping block.

"I wasn't even sure I was going to make it," Noah told ABC News.

"I called our local representative, the governor, the president, not asking for money but asking them to help me find a program and they couldn't do it," Sparhawk told Fox News. "But this 12-year-old could. He saved this house."

Noah's grandmother, Janice Sparhawk, fell behind on her mortgage payments after taking out money to replace the roof of the home built by her grandfather.
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