loch ness
© Wikimedia
Itadakimasu, and bring on the sushi!

Researchers now believe that the mythic monster Loch Ness may not be a prehistoric vestige, but giant, meaty, delicious eels.

Scientists from New Zealand ventured to the the UK to confirm once and for all the origins of the fabled creature, and rule out the possibility of it being other (also delicious) aquatic creatures.

As part of their quest, they examined DNA from the monster's namesake lake in the Scottish Highlands. Their analysis showed no signs of any of the large animals once thought to be Nessie, such as the beastly looking aquatic plesiosaur — which may have tasted similar to gamey, mild alligator meat; or, if the cavemen were lucky, like turtle (do yourself a favor and try turtle soup).

"We can't find any evidence of a creature that's remotely related to that in our environmental-DNA sequence data," says Professor Neil Gemmell of New Zealand's University of Otago.

"So, sorry, I don't think the plesiosaur idea holds up based on the data that we have obtained."

They also found no evidence of large sturgeon, which can grow up to 24 feet long, weigh about 3,500 pounds and supply a heck of a lot of hand roll roe.

Catfish (best fried, in my opinion) and Greenland shark, whose fresh flesh is poisonous but is sometimes dried and eaten — by dogs and humans — can both grow up to 15 feet long and weigh hundreds of pounds each. Still, they were also ruled out as Nessie's true identity.

"So there's no shark DNA in Loch Ness based on our sampling," Gemmell says. "There is also no catfish DNA in Loch Ness based on our sampling. We can't find any evidence of sturgeon either."

What this Scottish loch does have, according to researchers, are highly edible European eels.

Young eels, called elvers, travel more than 3,000 miles from their birthplace in the Sargasso Sea near the Bahamas, where they mate and lay eggs, all the way to Scotland's waterways.

"Eels are very plentiful in Loch Ness, with eel DNA found at pretty much every location sampled — there are a lot of them," says Gemmell.

He adds that the "sheer quantity of [genetic] material" means they can't assume there aren't enormous eels present, nor that Nessie's barbecued meat couldn't supply a small Japanese village-worth of eel rolls.

He says, "We can't discount the possibility that what people see and believe is the Loch Ness Monster might be a giant eel."

It's a modicum of hope that there's still plenty more dragon roll to go around — in Scotland, at least.