Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Black Cat

3,500 lbs. of bat guano found in attic

An upstate New York couple didn't think a few bats in the attic were much of a problem when they were buying a house last summer.

Months later, they found out how wrong they were when they discovered more than a ton and a half of bat droppings up there.

Nick LaBoda and Jenna Caputo say a home inspector informed them about the bats. They called an exterminator, who told them to wait a while before removing the bats because the babies were too young to fly.

Then they forgot about the bats until they smelled a foul odor in January. When they checked the attic, they found dead bats and piles of guano.

Evil Rays

Blame Stockholm syndrome for our love affair with old Blighty

A friend recently explained her lexical issues with "British" Columbia. "I was born in New Westminster," she told me. "I went to school in Surrey and attended Queen Elizabeth Senior Secondary which was located on King George Highway. I played field hockey and Princess Margaret was our arch rival. The final tournament was at Prince Charles. I once went on vacation to Victoria, and on the way to Prince Rupert, the ferry passed the Queen Charlottes. I drove through Prince George, on my way back to Surrey."

Wine

Bigfoot risks extinction, says Canadian MP

Bigfoot, the legendary hairy man-like beast said to roam the wildernesses of North America, is not shy, merely so rare it risks extinction and should be protected as an endangered species.

Question

Abandoned Boeing 737 'disappears'

A disused Indian Boeing 737 that was abandoned in a busy road in Mumbai (Bombay) last weekend has been moved.

The plane was taken overnight from the Chembur district where it had been left by a driver who was taking it by trailer to Delhi.

It is not clear who has moved it or where it has been taken.

The decommissioned Boeing had become the centre of attraction in the city. But some people complained that it was disrupting business.

Clock

Delhi airport hosts "Terminal men" for 48 days

Two Bangladeshi men lived in New Delhi airport for 48 days as they did not have passports to return home in a reprise of a role played by Tom Hanks in the Hollywood film "The Terminal", a newspaper said on Thursday.

The men were sent back to the Indian capital by Saudi Arabian authorities in March for arriving without proper papers on a Dhaka-Delhi-Riyadh Air India flight, the Times of India newspaper reported.

Saudi Arabia keeps passports of such visitors and sends them back with emergency travel certificates, the daily quoted an airline spokesman as saying.

But with Dhaka not allowing people without passports to enter the country, the men who had left their homes hoping for lucrative jobs in Saudi Arabia were stuck in the transit lounge of Delhi's Indira Gandhi airport.

Sheeple

Rose the goat 'wife' chokes to death on a plastic bag

Rose, the goat that found international celebrity last year after being forced into marriage with a Sudanese man, has died after accidentally swallowing a plastic bag.

The town of Juba in southern Sudan, if not exactly in mourning, at least has the satisfaction of having had the world in stitches, having been the source of one of the internet's best-read news items.

It is a story that began in February last year when the BBC Monitoring Service reported that a Mr Alifi had been startled by a noise in the middle of the night. Leaving the safety of his wattle hut, Mr Alifi went outside to find a stranger engaged in indecorous behaviour with his goat.

USA

America allowed to continue existing

I am happy to report to you that the Oxford Union, in its infinite wisdom, has allowed America to continue existing.

After a raucous debate in front of a packed house, the motion - "this House regrets the Founding of America" - was overwhelmingly squashed.

Key

Police call locksmith to break into jail

Police in Germany had to call in a locksmith to break into jail when the lock on a cell broke, trapping a prisoner inside, authorities said Wednesday.

Vader

Psychopathic Judge Sues Cleaners For $67M Over Missing Pants

A recent survey found that seven out of 10 U.S. adults take their laundry to a dry cleaner -- and it sometimes happens that things get lost.

But in Washington, D.C., an unsatisfied customer has turned a dispute with his cleaner into a huge legal battle, asking a court to award him millions of dollars over a pair of pants.

Roy Pearson, a D.C.-area judge, is the plaintiff in the case. Pearson said it all began two years ago when he took the pants from a pinstripe suit to a dry cleaner for alterations. He claims the cleaner lost the pants, then tried to pass off other gray slacks as his.

Bulb

California Hotels Go Green With Low-Flow Toilets, Solar Lights

Visitors to the Gaia Napa Valley Hotel and Spa won't find the Gideon Bible in the nightstand drawer. Instead, on the bureau will be a copy of ''An Inconvenient Truth,'' former Vice President Al Gore's book about global warming.

They'll also find the Gaia equipped with waterless urinals, solar lighting and recycled paper as it marches toward becoming California's first hotel certified as ''green,'' or benevolent to the environment. Similar features are found 35 miles south at San Francisco's Orchard Garden Hotel, which competes for customers with neighboring luxury hotels like the Ritz-Carlton and Fairmont.

''I'm not your traditional Birkenstocks and granola type of guy,'' said Stefan Muehle, general manager of the Orchard Garden, who said green measures are reducing energy costs as much as 25 percent a month. ''We're trying to dispel the myth that being green and being luxurious are mutually exclusive.''