Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Magic Wand

Inmate uses toilet paper cardboard to escape cell


Associated Press
Thu, 25 Jun 2009 01:26 UTC
Columbia, Missouri - Columbia police have captured an inmate who allegedly escaped from the Howard County jail using a cardboard toilet paper holder. Curtis Jones of New Franklin was captured Wednesday afternoon.

Columbia police officers, who were responding to a tip, went to where Jones was believed to be located, but he had fled on foot. Jones was spotted a short time later and taken into custody.
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Smiley

Latvian Firm Accepts Souls as Guarantee for Credits


MosNews
Mon, 22 Jun 2009 22:17 UTC
Image
A financial company in Latvia is offering residents loans secured by nothing but their immortal soul.
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Palette

Horse with a nose for art

Sue Higgins
MPNnow.com
Tue, 23 Jun 2009 09:56 UTC
Bloomfield, N.Y. - She paints with enthusiasm, her whole body thrown into the creative process, particularly her head, which jerks from side to side, then up and down and around, mane bouncing all the while.

She's moody when it comes to colors, refusing to paint with blue for months at a time, then changing her mind and insisting she only paint with blue for a stretch.

Sometimes she refuses to paint altogether. She's a bit of a diva.

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Heart

Sea lion found on California highway


United Press International
Mon, 22 Jun 2009 14:44 UTC
Authorities said it was surf meets turf in California Monday when a wandering young sea lion meandered onto a busy highway.

California Highway Patrol Officer Peter Van Eckhardt said Oakland police were called to Highway 880 about 5:45 a.m. to investigate reports of a sea lion waddling south on the center divider of the northbound lanes, KTVU-TV, Oakland, reported.

The San Francisco Chronicle reported the sea lion is believed to be about a year old.
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Cloud Lightning

Shot dog bites gunman

Dave Graham
Reuters
Mon, 22 Jun 2009 14:17 UTC
A dog in Germany shot by a drunken man with a gun took swift revenge by biting off the end of the man's nose, authorities said on Monday.

Police said the armed man was snooping at night in the yard of a house in Stadtlauringen in northern Bavaria when he shot the Bernese mountain dog from point-blank range.
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Bomb

SOTT Focus: Above Top Secret! Clear Evidence that Flight 77 Hit The Pentagon on 9/11

Joe Quinn
Sott.net
Thu, 22 Jun 2006 15:30 UTC
With so much debate going on over what really happened at the Pentagon on 9/11, and the obvious dire lack of coherent commentators to put and end to it once and for all, I decided that it was high time that I added my own reality-based voice to the debate and, in doing so, allow common sense to finally prevail over the ranting of wild-eyed, missing link type conspiracy theorists and liberals alike.

Despite the countless reams of electronic paper that have been wasted on the inane back and forward over what did or did not happen, the task of showing just what hit the Pentagon could not be easier, which makes it difficult to understand why the debate has lasted so long. If I didn't know better, I might almost think that there was some kind of conspiracy going on. Of course, I DO know better. Conspiracies simply do not exist - except for the small ones, they exist, but the big, scary ones do not, and never have. Everyone knows that.

Anyway, to get to the point. I will present conclusive evidence that Flight 77 hit the Pentagon by way of 10 carefully selected photos that, while they speak for themselves, will be accompanied by some incisive commentary by yours truly.

Let's get started:
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Evil Rays

Satire: Report: 90% Of Waking Hours Spent Staring At Glowing Rectangles


The Onion
Sat, 20 Jun 2009 14:20 UTC
Rectangles
© The OnionRobert Horton spends a quiet night at home with his favorite entertainment rectangles.

Palo Alto, CA - A new report published this week by researchers at Stanford University suggests that Americans spend the vast majority of each day staring at, interacting with, and deriving satisfaction from glowing rectangles.

"From the moment they wake up in the morning, to the moment they lose consciousness at night, Americans are in near-constant visual contact with bright, pulsating rectangles," said Dr. Richard Menken, lead author of the report, looking up briefly from the gleaming quadrangle that sits on his desk. "In fact, it's hard to find a single minute during which the American public is not completely captivated by these shining...these dazzling...."

"I'm sorry," Menken continued. "What were we discussing again?"
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Smiley

Montana woman uses chicken therapy to comfort seniors


The Associated Press
Sat, 20 Jun 2009 05:42 UTC
chicken therapy
© Northumberland Journal"Many seniors were raised on farms, Clairmont says, and holding a chicken can bring back memories"
.Therapy dogs can be a comfort for seniors and those recovering from illnesses and injuries.

So how about therapy chickens? Jana Clairmont of Polson, Montana, calls her therapy birds - a white rooster and Cornish game hen - "Fowl Play."

On Thursday, she took them to visit residents at Polson Health and Rehabilitation Center in northeast Montana, the Missoulian newspaper reported.

As one man stroked the rooster, Alex, the bird stretched out his neck and rested it across the man's forearm, like a puppy.
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Cult

Christian Civil Liberties Union fights to burn gay teen novel

Courtney Bee
Examiner.com
Wed, 17 Jun 2009 05:51 UTC
Nothing brings back the nostalgic feeling of Nazi Germany quite like a good old fashioned book burning, and thanks to a very vocal group in Wisconsin, a "controversial" young adult novel may be headed toward a bonfire. The book in question is Baby Be-Bop, which tells the tale of a teenager struggling with his homosexuality (and is beaten up by a homophobic gang). The Christian Civil Liberties Union (what--you thought religion wouldn't be involved?), has launched a legal claim demanding the right to publicly burn a copy of the book, which they deem to be "explicitly vulgar and anti-Christian".
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Laptop

Prankster dupes Fidel Castro's son into web romance


The Sydney Morning Herald
Tue, 16 Jun 2009 18:16 UTC
Cuban leader Fidel Castro's son was reportedly duped into an eight-month internet romance with a man posing as an attractive Colombian woman.

Antonio Castro revealed no state secrets during the passionate internet liaison, but revealed to "Claudia Valencia" his home phone number and address, details of expensive shopping trips, and that he had no personal bodyguards.

The online romance blossomed over eight months, each exchange in chat rooms or via email becoming more sexually charged, London's The Telegraph said.
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