Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Frog

The Glowing Frog Who Wanted a Light Snack and Swallowed a Christmas Bulb

Frog
© Caters News Agency LTDColourful calories: The Cuban tree frog took a gulp of the bulb and wouldn't let go.
In an ultimate case of crossed wires, a tiny tree frog's bug-catching antics left it with a bellyful of bulb.

The Cuban tree frog took on an unnatural glow when it swallowed an entire fairy light in a botched bid to catch an insect.

The unlucky amphibian had been hunting in the back garden of wildlife photographer James Snyder when it made a bid for the snack.

James, who lives in Palm Beach, Florida, had decorated his back yard with colourful lights after noticing that frogs had worked out lights attracted bugs.

But one night he discovered that one of the little beasts had bitten off far more than it could chew.

Camera

Is President Obama really a robot?

Think back to how you felt during the last family photo. Then imagine holding that smile through 130 snaps with foreign dignitaries. Would it waver? Crumble? Disappear altogether?

Not if you're Barack Obama. Our thanks go to Eric Spiegelman who invested what must have been a significant amount of effort in proving that the US President really is an automaton.

Watch this.


Roses

US: New Jersey woman celebrates 100th birthday - at work

Astrid Thoening celebrates her 100th birthday
© AP Photo/Rich SchultzAstrid Thoening celebrates her 100th birthday while working as the receptionist for the Thornton Agency in Parsippany, N.J., Thursday, Sept. 24, 2009. Thoening has worked for the same company for the last 32 years.
Astrid Thoenig got dressed, went to work and sat at her desk smiling Thursday as she slid her finger gently under the envelope flap of yet another identical birthday card. They don't make that many that say "Happy 100th."

Thoenig was interrupted by a steady stream of deliverymen bringing bouquets, chocolate-dipped strawberries and stacks of cards to the Thornton Insurance Co. in Parsippany where she's been answering phones, keeping financial records, handling payroll and typing up documents for more than 30 years.

"It's another day - it's hard to explain," Thoenig said of turning 100. "I don't feel old, and I don't think old."

Born Sept. 24, 1909, in Bloomfield, N.J., Thoenig's earliest memories start in 1918, when she witnessed something so traumatic, "it erased all memories of my childhood before that."

"I remember coming down the stairs from my bedroom and saw these two coffins in the living room: one white, for my sister, and the other for the grown person," she said, recalling how the flu pandemic of 1918 killed her father and her 10-year-old sister within hours of one another. "To see my father and sister - of all the things I can't remember - that's very vivid in my mind."

Beer

Guinness beer celebrates 250th anniversary

guiness
© RIA Novosti/Vladimir Fedorenko
Ireland on Thursday will celebrate the 250th anniversary of the country's most famous export beer, Guinness, the Irish Times has reported.

Arthur Guinness, the founder of the brewery, signed a 9,000-year lease on the brewery at St. James's Gate in Dublin on September 24, 1759. The company has called the day Arthur's Day and has asked everyone to lift a pint of brew at exactly 5:59 p.m. (or 17:59) to celebrate the signing of the lease.

At the main brewery in Dublin, artists like Tom Jones and Boyzone frontman Ronan Keating will be performing. In honor of the occasion, artists such as reggae star Sean Paul will play in Lagos, Nigeria, and the Black Eyed Peas will perform in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, the Irish Times reported.

Smiley

Satire: Nadir Of Western Civilization To Be Reached This Friday At 3:32 P.M.

nadir
© The OnionSome of the factors contributing to culture's dizzying collapse.
Washington - An international panel of leading anthropologists, cultural critics, biologists, and social theorists announced this week that Western civilization will reach its lowest conceivable point at 3:32 p.m. Friday.

"From the prehistoric Lascaux cave paintings to the stirring symphonies of Mozart to today's hot-dog eating competitions and action films with comical gerbils, culture has descended into a festering pool of mass ignorance," said Yale sociologist Paul Riordan, who has spent his career analyzing western civilization's fall into the depths of depravity. "If our calculations are correct, this complete erosion of all that is enlightened and unique will reach absolute rock bottom on the afternoon of Sept. 25, 2009."

Added Riordan, "It is scientifically impossible for civilization to sink any lower than it will this Friday."

Syringe

Satire: 10 Things I'd Rather Do Than Get a Swine Flu Vaccine Shot

I admit, the thought of being injected with a chemical cocktail made by a pharmaceutical company and approved by the FDA with virtually no safety testing is somewhat tempting. Who wouldn't want the thrill and rush of being part of a grand pharmaceutical experiment, anyway?

On second thought, it may not be such a bright idea after all. Unless, of course, you enjoy the idea of falling into a long-term coma, being permanently paralyzed or suffering random neurological damage.

That's why there are ten things I'd rather do than get a swine flu vaccine shot:

Compass

British River gets reprieve on subway map

London subway map
© UnknownLondon subway map
London - The River Thames is to be reinstated on London's iconic tube map after a new design which left it out was greeted by a wave of outrage.

Designers had airbrushed out the blue ribbon representing the river in an attempt to de-clutter the map, first produced by draftsman Harry Beck in 1933.

But Transport for London (TfL), which operates the capital's transport networks, had reckoned without Londoners' deep affection for their local waterway.

As news of the revamp leaked out, it was inundated with complaints, both from the general public and from Mayor of London, Boris Johnson.

"Can't believe that the Thames disappeared off the tube map whilst I was out the country! It will be reinstated," Johnson said on an official Mayor of London Twitter feed after returning from New York on Wednesday.

Coffee

Tortoise safe after motorway drama

Image
A tortoise with a taste for life in the fast lane was rescued from a busy motorway after dodging up to six lanes of traffic against the odds. The tortoise was plucked from the M23 slip road at junction seven of the M25 by site engineer John Formby of Worthing, West Sussex.

After taking it to the vet, Mr Formby was surprised to discover the animal was micro-chipped in America and thousands of miles from his original home.

He said: "As I got to the top of the slip road I noticed something in the road. At first I thought it was debris, but as I was getting nearer I saw a head and realised it was in fact a tortoise. My initial reaction was 'What the hell is a tortoise doing on a motorway?'

Mr. Potato

Bronx Synagogue Bumblers Bribed by Fried Chicken Charge Account

Court
© ReutersDefendant Laguerre Payen raises his hand to be sworn in as seen in this sketch of his arraignment in White Plains, New York.
It's the fried-chicken defense.

A lawyer for one of four men accused of plotting to bomb Bronx synagogues complained on Thursday that a government informant plied the suspects with food.

"You can't watch the tapes that you don't see eating going on," said Marilyn Reader, lawyer for accused would-be terrorist Laguerre Payen.

"The [confidential informant] is paying for all these meals."

At a pretrial hearing in White Plains Federal Court, Reader charged that the informant had a charge account at a Crown Chicken on Broadway and let Payen eat for free.

Assistant U.S. Attorney David Leibowitz said he would investigate whether the informant offered inducements - of the chicken variety or otherwise - to the suspects.

Black Cat

Cat Home After 3-Year, 2,000-Mile Journey

Hobart, Australia - A long-haired cat named Clyde was returned to his family Wednesday in Tasmania after turning up at the other end of Australia three years after he went missing.

Television cameras recorded the reunion between the Himalyan and Katrina Phillips in the Derwent Valley near Hobart, The Tasmania Mercury reported. Phillips said she was excited, but Clyde appeared to be taking everything in stride.

"He was so relaxed it was like he never left home," Phillips, 19, said.

Donna Weber, a veterinarian in Cloncurry in the Queensland Outback more than 2,000 miles north of Hobart, identified Clyde from a microchip in his ear earlier this week, the Australian Broadcasting Corp. reported. The cat wandered into the grounds of the Cloncurry Hospital a few months ago, and staffers there had been taking care of him.