Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Lemon

French president Emmanuel Macron: Master of poetry and publicity but probably not politics

Macron thumbs up wink
© Jean-Paul Pelissier / ReutersMacron's speciality is inane publicity
Emmanuel Macron is keen to be seen as a man of many talents. The French leader, nicknamed Jupiter after the all-powerful Roman god for his ostentatious displays of statesmanship, has this week been waxing lyrical after a 13-year-old British schoolgirl sent her poetic tribute to the Eiffel Tower to the Élysée Palace.

On a family visit to Paris in April, the teenager known only by her first name, Sophie, penned a tribute to the French capital's most enduring symbol over a sketched drawing of the Dame de Fer (Iron Lady). Entitled, Centre of Attention, she wrote:

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Books

Man shares his paranormal books wishlist

In honor of Halloween, some paranormal books I'd like to see ...
un-haunted house

Mr. Potato

New York legislator has epic meltdown over a speeding ticket


Jennifer Schwartz Berky, a New York county legislator, was filmed by police cameras as she freaked out over getting a speeding ticket in Kingston, NY. She claimed to have PTSD and to be having a panic attack during the encounter, which reportedly lasted for about half an hour. In the end, the officer wrote her a ticket for driving 13 miles over the speed limit and Berky apologized for her behavior.

Windsock

Macron smells marijuana during visit: "That will not help you with your schoolwork."

Macron Smells Marijuana During Visit:
© FRANCOIS MORI AFP'[Macron] could clearly smell some marijuana and said: "I still have a nose. So, there are some of you who do not only smoke cigarettes, huh?"'
French President Emmanuel Macron knows how to play the press. While he is faced with criticism from the left for his labour reforms, criticism from the right for his tax reforms and union strikes in the streets, this week the French news was dominated with two Macron moments that prove the President is very popular indeed and can simply rise above it all by saying something funny.

On an overseas trip to the territory of French Guiana this week, he joked that he could clearly smell some marijuana and said: "I still have a nose. So, there are some of you who do not only smoke cigarettes, huh?", as the crowd greeted him with laughter. After that he posed for photos with locals in the Crique neighbourhood of capital Cayenne on Friday night.

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Birthday Cake

Assange trolls 'future president' Clinton - reposts Killary's 2016 tweet on eve of her 70th birthday

Hillary Clinton
© Carlos Barria / ReutersThe never-will-be be queen
WikiLeaks co-founder Julian Assange has apparently wished Hillary Clinton a happy birthday on the eve of her 70th... by reminding the 2016 presidential candidate of her failure.

On Tuesday, Assange retweeted former presidential candidate (and his constant critic) Hillary Clinton's self-congratulatory post from one year ago, in which she called herself the "future president" during the 2016 presidential race.

Less than a month after her birthday, Donald Trump won the election, defeating Clinton with 56 percent of the Electoral College votes.
assance Clinto tweet birthday
© Screen shot from @JulianAssange / Twitter

Arrow Down

Unpatriotic to offer irrefutable video evidence that a General lied says press secretary

White House Press Secretary
© Brendan Smialowski /AFP/Getty
Washington (The Borowitz Report) - In a stirring defense of Donald Trump's chief of staff, General John Kelly, the White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, said on Friday that it was "unpatriotic in the extreme" to offer irrefutable video proof that a four-star general lied.

"It is unpatriotic enough to accuse a four-star general of lying," Sanders told the White House press corps.

"But to make available a video that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that that general lied is unpatriotic bordering on treasonous."

Star

Putin laughs at minister's suggestion that Russia export pork to Indonesia

Putin laughing
Vladimir Putin had to cover his face as he burst out laughing uncontrollably at the suggestion that Russia should export pork to Muslim-majority Indonesia.

The usually stern-faced Russian President was overcome with a rare fit of the giggles when Russia's Minister of Agriculture suggested the move to Putin during a meeting last week as a way to increase overseas trade.

While comparing Russia's exporting figures to those of Germany, Mr Tkachov said: "They (Germany) send half their pork to export.


Comment: At least Putin has a little to laugh at these days. Reminds us of another time the Russian President just had to laugh at someone's ignorance...




Fire

California: Nurse flees wildfires, shoves pony in the back of her car

fleeing fires
© Time Magazine
A nurse fleeing California's raging wildfires said "neigh" to leaving her pony behind.

Lauren Mesaros decided to drive away from the Tubbs Fire flames Monday with her pony, Stardust, in the backseat, after realizing the trailer she had could only fit two of her three horses, SF Gate reported.

"He actually walked right into the car like a dog would," Mesaros said.

The quick-acting woman lured her steed in the back of her 2001 Honda Accord, with the help of friend Carol Spears, whom she called "a horse whisperer."
pony
© pixabayStardust
Her sister-in-law posted a Facebook photo of the pony filling up the backseat, his snout fogging up the window, with the caption: "When.. Lauren has to evacuate her pony from Santa Rosa but no transport is available-you do what you have to do."

All three horses were taken to Wind Horse Ranch in Sebastopol to wait out the blaze.

Monday's shifting winds spared Mesaros' property of significant damage but she said her car wasn't as lucky.

"My car will never smell the same again," she said.
pony in car
© SFGate

Hiliter

Oops! CIA realizes it's been using black highlighters all these years

CIA Director Porter Goss
CIA Director Porter Goss.
A report released Tuesday by the CIA's Office of the Inspector General revealed that the CIA has mistakenly obscured hundreds of thousands of pages of critical intelligence information with black highlighters.

According to the report, sections of the documents- "almost invariably the most crucial passages"-are marred by an indelible black ink that renders the lines impossible to read, due to a top-secret highlighting policy that began at the agency's inception in 1947.

CIA Director Porter Goss has ordered further internal investigation.

Beer

Drunk Wyoming man arrested, claims he traveled back in time to warn of aliens

drunk man aliens
Police say a central Wyoming man they arrested for public intoxication claimed he had traveled back in time to warn of an alien invasion.

Casper police say the man they encountered at 10:30 p.m. Monday claimed he was from the year 2048.

KTWO-AM in Casper reports that the man told police that he wanted to warn the people of Casper that aliens will arrive next year, and that they should leave as soon as possible. He asked to speak to the president of the town, about 170 miles northwest of Cheyenne.

Comment: This guy gets a solid B+ for creativity!