Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Smiley

Longstanding American tradition of staying in the Middle East indefinitely, broken by Trump


Babylon Bee
Thu, 20 Dec 2018 05:07 UTC
Trump
© Babylon Bee
Washington, D.C.- After Trump announced that US troops would be pulled out of Syria, the President was quickly criticized by leaders on both the left and the right for breaking with the longstanding American tradition of remaining in Middle Eastern countries indefinitely.

Trump drew ire from both sides of the aisle for his "careless and reckless" disregard for the beloved American custom of meddling overseas without a congressional declaration of war and then hanging around for another few decades.

"Occupying a country on the other side of the globe and staying there forever is an American pastime," said a CNN host. "For Trump to pull out when we haven't even been there a decade yet is a disgusting display of his selfishness and unwillingness to conform to the standards of presidential decorum."
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Smiley

"Stupid Woman" the nicest thing anyone has called Theresa May in months


NewsThump
Wed, 19 Dec 2018 20:04 UTC
Jeremy & Theresa
© (L) Reuters/Simon Dawson; (R) Reuters/Toby Melville
Whitehall insiders have secretly revealed that Downing Street is actually quite touched by the kind words directed at Theresa May by Jeremy Corbyn during parliamentary questions today.

During a fractious round of question, the opposition leader took time out to mouth the words "stupid woman" at the prime minister, in a show of solidarity to illustrate that some people think she's merely incompetent and out of her depth, rather than the Machiavellian villain of the piece secretly intent of ruining life as we know it.

As one party official told us, "Theresa has been called everything under the sun in the last 18 months, but I think it's fair to say that in context 'stupid woman' is about as harsh as a back rub and a cup of tea - and she recognises that show of support from the Labour front benches.
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Cookie

How the cookies crumble: Gingerbread men banned at Scottish Parliament in drive to 'stamp out sexism'


Daily Mail
Mon, 17 Dec 2018 17:05 UTC
Gingerbreadpersons
© Shutterstock/Marie C. FieldsOffensive cookies no more
Gingerbread men have been replaced by gingerbread persons in the Scottish Parliament's coffee shop in case the traditional name causes offence.

The move comes as a strategy aimed at stamping out sexual harassment and sexism was introduced at Holyrood this week after a survey found 30 per cent of women working there believed they had been sexually harassed.

But the decision to rename the sweet treat has not gone down well with everyone.

Scottish Conservative equalities spokesman Annie Wells said: 'Surely the Scottish Parliament has got better things to do than worry about what to call gingerbread men? This is an utterly pointless gesture which simply trivialises the real issues of gender equality.'

A Scottish Parliament spokesman would not comment except to say: 'They [the gingerbread persons] were delicious and sold out.'
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Smiley

Parrot tries to order items using Amazon's Alexa

Chiara Giordano
MSN News
Sat, 15 Dec 2018 12:17 UTC
Parrot Uses Alexa
© Provided by Independent Digital News & Media Limited
A mischievous parrot was caught ordering strawberries, watermelons and ice-cream after 'falling in love' with Amazon's voice-activated device Alexa.

Rocco, a homeless African grey, keeps using the personal assistant to order his favourite treats, as well kites and light bulbs, and likes to set the mood by playing romantic music.

The clever bird was taken in by the National Animal Welfare Trust's Berkshire centre earlier this year after he was found as a stray.

But staff member Marion Wischnewski agreed to become his foster parent after he caused a few issues in the Great Shefford office by swearing and throwing his water bowl around.

Ms Wischnewski said fun-loving Rocco enjoys dancing and putting on his favourite tunes.

But thanks to a parental lock on her Amazon account, the attempted purchases have not gone through, The Times reported.
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Cell Phone

Titania McGrath: "I now understand how Nelson Mandela felt"

Titania McGrath
Quillette
Thu, 13 Dec 2018 00:01 UTC
joan of arc
My name is Titania McGrath. I am a radical intersectionalist poet committed to feminism, social justice, and armed peaceful protest. In April of this year, I decided to become more industrious on social media. I was inspired by other activists who had made use of their online platforms in order to spread their message and explain to people why they are wrong about everything.

This week the powers-that-be at Twitter hit my account with a "permanent suspension" (a semantic contradiction, but then I suppose bigots aren't known for their grammatical prowess). This was the latest in a series of suspensions, all of which were imposed because I had been too woke. The final straw appeared to be a tweet in which I informed my followers that I would be attending a pro-Brexit march so that I could punch a few UKIP supporters in the name of tolerance.

Comment: For any that don't know, Ms McGrath's Twitter account has some of the best examples of parody and satire to be found on the platform. It's well worth the follow - @TitaniaMcGrath

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Christmas Tree

Wild beaver spotted in supermarket looking for the perfect Christmas tree


White Wolf Pack
Fri, 07 Dec 2018 00:00 UTC
Beaver
A beaver left his or her dam in Charlotte Hall Monday on a quest to find Christmas decorations at a local dollar store, the St. Mary's County Sheriff's Office reports.

Witnesses say they saw the beaver attempting to select the perfect Christmas tree and checking out other discounted holiday decor.

Corporal Yingling was called in after the beaver reportedly caused some property damage to the store.

Officials say the beaver attempted to flee the area when Yingling arrived but he or she was safely "apprehended" by Animal Control.
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Black Magic

Traditional Krampus Run around the Munich Christmas Market


Muenchen.de
Mon, 10 Dec 2018 00:00 UTC
Krampus
They look scary - but actually they're totally harmless: about 300 masked beings frighten passers-by during the big traditional run of the Krampusses via the Munich Christmas Market on Sunday, December 9th 2018 from 3 to 5 pm and Sunday, December 23rd 2018 from 4 to 5 pm.

The Krampus tradition

The Krampus is the scary assistant of kind Saint Nicholas. Whereas the latter likes to turn a blind eye when children are naughty, the Krampus prefers to rattle his chain in a terrifying manner, to attain the required level of respect and to reprimand his disagreeable contemporaries. The Krampus Run dates back 500 years to a tradition from the Alpine regions. As early as the 16th century, the so-called "Klabaufs" paraded around: Schoolchildren, choirmasters and school teachers of the Frauenkirche and St Peter's church dressed up as bishops and caused so much unrest that the policed had to be summoned. The tradition of the Krampus Run is once again very popular, especially among young people.
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Smiley

Gollum actor Andy Serkis trolls Theresa May in hilarious Brexit video: "We's in a nasty mess my precioussss"

Jack Aitchison
Daily Record
Sun, 09 Dec 2018 22:58 UTC
gollum May brexit
Andy Serkis shared the brilliant clip of him mocking Theresa May
The Lord of the Rings star shared a "leaked" video from inside 10 Downing Street.

Gollum actor Andy Serkis has ridiculously trolled Theresa May over her Brexit agreement.

The motion capture star shared a "leaked" video from inside 10 Downing Street.

The almost 3-minute-long clip shows Serkis combine both Gollum, a fictional character from Lord of the Rings, with the Prime Minister.
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Megaphone

Teen quits Walmart with epic rant

Nathan Martin
Daily Herald Tribune
Fri, 07 Dec 2018 15:06 UTC
Jackson Racicot
© Jackson RacicotA screen grab from Jackson Racicot's Facebook video quitting his Walmart job in Grande Prairie.
A Facebook video of a 17-year-old worker airing his grievances over a Grande Prairie Walmart intercom system and then quitting is attracting some online attention.

The "How I quit my job today" video posted to Jackson Racicot's Facebook page at around 4 p.m. on Thursday shows him dialing into the intercom system at a Grande Prairie Walmart and addressing shoppers, associates and management in a speech that could rival Howard Beale's famous "I'm as mad as hell" monologue from the movie Network.

"I got fed up," Racicot said in a Friday interview, explaining he felt employees were not being treated well and others should know about it.

He said had been working in various Walmart department for a little over a year and a half, "I don't regret what I did, I went into this knowing what will happen," he continued.
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Fire

Emmanuel Macron criticizes climate change tax protesters for not using carbon-neutral rioting methods


The Babylon Bee
Mon, 03 Dec 2018 00:01 UTC
macron yellow vest protest
Finally addressing the rising unrest over climate change taxes and other cost of living issues, French President Emmanuel Macron criticized the protesters for not using carbon-neutral rioting methods.

Macron blasted the movement for callously burning cars on the streets and setting fires that would contribute to global warming.

"These protesters are burning entire cars when a strongly worded letter would suffice," he said. "Preferrably on recycled paper." He also suggested blowing bubbles and speaking words of encouragement to one another in the streets. "This is a much more powerful demonstration than using fire and violence."
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