Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Heart

Violinist's private concert for cabbie who returned lost £2m Stradivarius

A violinist who left a 285-year-old Stradivarius in the back of a New York cab has played a concert to thank the driver who returned it to him.

Philippe Quint gave a private 30-minute performance on Tuesday in the taxi waiting area at Newark Liberty International Airport, reports the BBC.

He left his violin, a 1723 Kiesewetter Stradivarius worth £2m, in a taxi on the way back from the airport last month. The driver, Mohamed Khalil, got in touch the next day to return it.

Sheeple

Nation Agrees to Not Talk About Politics

Washington - After months of fevered and contentious political discourse, the U.S. populace unanimously agreed Monday that, before somebody gets upset and things get out of hand, it would be better to just stop talking about politics altogether.

Designed to reverse the trend of heated discussions on topics ranging from the Democrats' shifting stance on NAFTA to Sen. John McCain's support for the Iraq War, the nationwide change in subject is effective immediately.

The White House will not even be mentioned for at least six months.

"There's no point getting the country all riled up talking about politics, especially right before a big election like this," 43-year-old Pittsburgh resident Eric Daniels said. "With terrorism and the economy and all these other problems on our minds, nobody wants to talk about which candidate can best restore faith in America both at home and abroad."

"Baseball season just started," Daniels added. "How about them Pirates?"

Wolf

What do Wayne Gretzky, The Beatles and Peeka the poodle all have in common?

Answer: Each is in a hall of fame

The unusual behaviour of his family dog Peeka first tipped Ed Anderson off something strange was happening outside his door on a freezing winter day on Feb. 3, 2007.

But Peeka wasn't just acting up - she helped save the life of a newborn infant girl, leading to Peeka's induction Monday into the Purina Animal Hall of Fame as a Canadian animal heroine.

Heart

Cheney Survives 'Near-life' Experience

Dick Cheney - alive?

Washington, D.C. - Doctors at Bethesda Naval Hospital have confirmed that Vice President Dick Cheney was recently admitted for 'acute signs of life' associated with the accidental activation of his pacemaker.

According to sources in the Office of the Vice President, the bizarre incident began when an errant radio signal set off Cheney's pacemaker, which had never been activated. Doctors said that as his heart began to pump blood through his body, the vice president began to experience symptoms of humanness, including grief, remorse, and empathy.

Comment: Satire? Yes, but also very close to the truth.


Evil Rays

Cusack's satire against Iraq war hits the screens



Image
©first look pictures

Actor John Cusack's political satire against the US-led war in Iraq - War, Inc - which was filmed in Bulgaria, premiered earlier this week at New York's Tribeca Film Festival.

Cusack was involved in writing the screenplay and stars as the hitman hired to kill a Middle Eastern oil minister who plans to lay an oil pipeline through fictional Turaqistan, a country occupied by a private US company called Tamerlane and run by a former American vice-president.

Comment: On the temporary promo page for the film, Cusack answers some questions. Here's a couple of the most interesting:
Q: What can we as citizens do on a daily basis to undermine the media control and the celebrity deflections?

JC:Start your own media. Be your own media.

Q: What control do we as citizens have over this whole mess? Is there anything we can do besides see this movie?

JC: Look, the thing about resistance is that while it's very, very serious, paradoxically it's really fun! It feels good to express what you see and not feel cowed by these bastards. It's supposed to feel good to tell truth and it does... subversion is fun.
Available for pre-order on Amazon, this sounds like a movie to be promoted to friends and family alike.


Mail

Russian monasteries accepting prayer requests by email

Russian Orthodox monasteries have begun exploiting modern technology and are now accepting requests for prayers for the living and the dead by email or through mobile phone text messages, a respected Russian daily said on Monday.

Izvestia wrote that one such monastery, northern Russia's Valaam Monastery, charges 150 rubles ($6.3) for a 'sorokoust', a prayer for the living or the dead by a priest in church each morning for forty days in a row. The paper specified that the monastery used the WebMoney payment system.

Smiley

Man asks court to change his name to 'In God We Trust'

ZION, Ill. - Steve Kreuscher wants a judge to allow him to legally change his name. He wants to be known as "In God We Trust."

Kreuscher (CROY'-shir) says the new name would symbolize the help God gave him through tough times.

The 57-year-old man also told the (Arlington Heights) Daily Herald he's worried that atheists may succeed in removing the phrase "In God We Trust" from U.S. currency.

Smiley

British planners feared tea shortage after nuclear attack

LONDON - Never mind the radiation: British contingency planners worried there would be a dramatic shortage of tea in the aftermath of a nuclear attack, recently declassified documents showed Monday.

The shortfall of the staple British beverage would be "very serious" if the country were to come under attack with atomic and hydrogen bombs, said according to a memo drafted between 1954 and 1956.

Image
©AFP/File
Picture taken in 1971, showing a nuclear explosion in Mururoa atoll. The shortfall of the staple British beverage would be "very serious" if the country were to come under attack with atomic and hydrogen bombs, said according to a memo drafted between 1954 and 1956.

Calculator

Texan tries to cash $360bn cheque

A man in the US state of Texas has been arrested for allegedly trying to cash a cheque for $360bn (£182bn).

Charles Ray Fuller had said he wanted to start a record business, authorities in the state said.

The 21-year-old's attempt to cash the money in a bank in Fort Worth failed when staff spotted the 10 zeros on the personal cheque.

Image
AP

Book

World's biggest portrait



Big face
©Unknown

A Chinese company is printing what is believed to be the world's biggest photograph for Mother's Day.

The Chongqing city-based firm says the portrait of a mum's smiling face will be bigger than a football pitch at 9,000 sq metres.