
© unknownBP uses tubes to suck money out of your trousers
The mystery of where all the money has gone was solved today as BP announced profits of £1200 a second.
Economists, baffled at the disappearance of more than £1.8 trillion in the last 12 months, now believe it is sitting safely in the account of the multinational oil giant.
Bill McKay, chief economist at Donelly-McPartlin, said: "I'm so relieved. We've been looking for this money for ages.
"Some claimed it had been abducted by aliens, while others insisted it had been stolen by pirates and buried under a palm tree in the Caribbean.
"But I always had a feeling that BP would have it. You see, money is a bit like a salmon. It swims around in the ocean for a while but sooner or later it always finds it's way back to BP."