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Pumpkin

The Kim Jong-il that Clinton met was a fake, says academic

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© REUTERS / KCNABill Clinton met Kim Jong-il in Pyongyang in August but there is strong evidence that the North Korean leader has used lookalikes in the past
Was it Kim Jong-il? Or was it a fake North Korean leader that entertained Bill Clinton on that mission to Pyongyang to retrieve the two imprisoned American journalists?

In the absence of fact, the Hermit Kingdom has long been a free-fire zone for outlandish rumour. And they got more outlandish than ever after Mr Kim reputedly suffered a stroke in August 2008. Mr Kim was variously said to be close to death, about to be toppled by a coup, or desperately fixing the succession for his youngest son. Or was he really someone else?

The mainstay of the Kim-is-fake cottage industry is a Japanese university professor called Toshimitsu Shigemura, who once claimed that the real Mr Kim died in 2003, and that everything since has been make-believe. One Mr Kim, he maintains, even flatly confessed to a Japanese visitor, "I am a double."

Beer

Woman calls 911 to report herself as drunk driver

Neilsville, Wisconsin - The call came into the 911 dispatcher: "I don't want to hurt anybody. I'm drunk." And with that, Mary Strey, 49, of Granton, reported herself as a drunken driver about three miles northeast of Neilsville in central Wisconsin.

Clark County Sheriff's Chief Deputy Jim Backus said Monday that Strey's call on Oct. 24 led deputies to cite her for misdemeanor drunken driving with a blood-alcohol level double the legal limit to drive. She makes her first court appearance Dec. 10.

Blackbox

Mystery "dream" man becomes internet hit: Have you seen this man in your dreams?

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© HOA sketch of a man that is said to have invaded many people's dreams.
Balloon Boy has competition. It arrives at night from "This Man."

An elaborate campaign is swirling around the image of a simple, bushy-browed man, who is said to be invading people's dreams.

Over the past week, This Man has appeared in mainstream newspapers from England to China, as well as found a home on YouTube and countless blogs.

Take 2

Best of the Web: Jon Stewart Eviscerates Fox News (Video)

jon stewart
© Photo Credit: Comedy Central
Jon Stewart dedicated more than 11 minutes of Thursday night's show on what he calls the "hyperbolic" war between the White House and Fox News.

Though he certainly gave the White House a few nudges for saying they are "speaking truth to power" by fighting with Fox, Stewart spends the majority of the segment putting together one of the best and biggest takedowns of the network we have ever seen. The meatiest part involves For News Senior Vice President Michael Clemente's claim that Fox's designated "news" hours are from 9AM to 4PM and 6-8PM.

Stewart explains:
For the audience here, let me help you out--because it does get confusing. The three hours you spend in the morning with "Fox & Friends": not news. Your 4 o'clock to 5 o'clock post-tea and crumpets Neil Cavudo break: not news. The 5 o'clock to 6 o'clock emotional whirlwind and national group therapy session that is Glenn Beck: not even close to news.

O'Reilly, Hannity, van Susteren-en-en-en: not news. This is according to Fox News. Those people--the ones featured in promos about how fair and balanced Fox News is--are not news. These people--otherwise known as the only people you ever think of when you think of Fox News--are not news. They are Fox 'opinutainment.'
That's our favorite part. Please watch and tell us what yours is:

Smiley

Stay away from anonymous stock calls during results season

Indian stock markets (or perhaps just India's investing media) is in the grip of someone called Mr Expector, whose behaviour is now almost as strange as the famous Mr market. Investment homilies often refer to someone called Mr Market, a character which embodies the market.

The originator of Mr Market was the great Benjamin Graham, many of whose investing parables have a person called Mr Market. Invariably, Graham's Mr Market is an unstable, neurotic character who is susceptible every irrational knee-jerk that investors are capable of.

While reading news reports and viewing business news about the stock markets, I have recently detected a similar character whose sole task seems to be go around expecting mutually contradictory things to happen simultaneously. As I am writing this, Mr Expector has excelled himself with some amazing expectations about the quarterly numbers of both Reliance Industries and Bharti Airtel.

In both cases, the pink newspapers as well as the business channels were victims of Mr Expector's conspiracies. He told a certain set of people that both these companies' quarterly numbers will be good and another set of people that the numbers will be bad.

Sheeple

Sports fan dressed as sheep set alight

A 24-year-old football fan dressed as a sheep suffered serious burns to his arms and legs when his suit caught fire on a train in Fife.

Aberdeen fans said the man ran ablaze through the carriage as others threw beer on him to douse the flames.

The Edinburgh to Aberdeen service was stopped at Kirkcaldy at about 1900 GMT on Saturday to allow him to be treated.

British Transport Police said a 23-year-old man had been arrested in connection with the incident.

Mr. Potato

How to get your doctor to sing Happy Birthday while he washes his hands (satire)

I recently saw a poster in a medical building that stopped me cold. It was about influenza, and it said the following: To avoid spreading germs, wash your hands for as long as it takes to sing Happy Birthday to yourself.

I did a double take. Really? Wash your hands while you sing Happy Birthday as a timing mechanism?

Apparently, this is an important bit of advice for teaching the masses how to successfully wash their own hands. I guess they couldn't use Row, Row, Row Your Boat because that song just goes on forever, and people would be stuck at the sink washing their hands like disturbed obsessive-compulsive hand washing addicts.

Family

112-Year-Old Somali Centenarian Weds 17-Year-Old

A man claiming to be 112 married a 17-year-old at a ceremony in central Somalia, his sixth wedding in total but his first in three quarters of a century, he said Thursday.

"My wife is ten times younger than me but we love each other so much and I believe that I can give her the kind of love that not any young man can offer," Ahmed Mohamed Dhore told AFP.

"Married life is about love and passion rather than age and beauty," said the centenarian, whose wedding ceremony in the town of Guriel was attended by hundreds on Wednesday.

"The first time I got married was so long ago I cannot remember and the last time must have been about 75 years ago, I was still a young man," he said.

Smiley

'Dumb' American criminals attempt robbery with 'permanent marker pen disguises'

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© UnknownMatthew Allan McNelly and Joey Lee Miller were caught in Iowa with permanent marker pen scrawled over their faces.
Two hapless robbers in America, Matthew McNelly and Joey Miller, have been arrested with the "worst disguises ever" after trying to hide their faces with permanent marker pen.

McNelly, 23, and Miller, 20 were arrested by armed police in Carroll, Iowa, last Friday after witnesses reported seeing two men trying to break into an apartment with fake beards and "masks" scrawled on their faces.

Police responding to a call about the attempted burglary later pulled over a car matching the alleged suspects' vehicle.

When they stopped their 1994 Buick Roadmaster, bewildered police discovered the drunk hapless pair - nicknamed "dumb and dumber" - complete with makeshift disguises.

Play

Anti Terror Keystone Cops in Action!