women's soccer
Dozens of 15-year-old boys' soccer teams across the country have demanded equal pay to the women's national team, since they are competitive with the women and even beat them from time to time.

"It's only fair," said high-schooler Aiden Benton. "This is a clear case of sexism and age discrimination, that I get paid nothing to play and the women get a decent little paycheck."

"End pay discrimination now!" he added, clapping on each word for emphasis.

"The boy makes a really good point," said CNN reporter Holly Bandersnatch. "He clapped on each word, plus, he claimed sexism. It is only fair that the boys' team get paid the same as the world champions' women's team. You just can't argue with hand claps."

At publishing time, the women had made the counterargument that the 15-year-old boys' teams are smelly boys and should be stuffed in a locker somewhere.