"With this pork-filled spending bill, Congress showed us where their priorities lie," said local out-of-work bartender Darnel Ridders, who cleverly dressed up as a transgender, vaguely Middle Eastern man. "I'm hoping to add to my $600 stimulus by dipping into some of that foreign aid for Middle-Eastern gender programs!"
Other Americans are working hard to snag some of that sweet government cash by disguising themselves as art galleries, bridge projects, and Asian carp fishermen.
"We do what we gotta do to survive," said California local Crush Crusherson, who now identifies as an endangered sea turtle.*
In a stroke of genius, Crusherson's next-door neighbor secured wealth and financial security for his entire family by simply identifying as a congressman.**
"Wish I had thought of that," said Crusherson as he chewed on a squid.
*This joke identifies as a new joke.
**This one too.
Stupid question: DC is supposed to represent the American people....how many of you called your reps and begged them to send a half a billion dollars to Israel? Anyone ???