© Globe
But now they've become something altogether more sinister: a Mafia mob.
The Queen is evidently capo di tutti capi, and this organized crime boss knows no limits, if this week's tabloids are to be believed.
"Royals Put Hit on Epstein Madam!" screams the Globe cover story, claiming that The Queen has marked for death pedophile billionaire Jeffrey Epstein's lieutenant Ghislaine Maxwell.
"They killed Andrew's pervert pal in prison too!" the Globe reminds readers about Epstein's jail cell "suicide."
And if the Queen is the putative Godfather of this mob, let's not forget that her consigliere Prince Charles has long been accused by the tabloids of murdering Princess Diana.
Could this be the real reason Prince Harry moved to America - to be the Queen's hit-man in the States?
Apparently not, because the Queen has her own private team of contract killers, and the Globe reveals "a hit team from Britain's MI6 spy agency has been green-lighted to silence Ghislaine."
The tabloids, with their typical lack of understanding of the exceedingly limited real powers of the British Royal Family, seems to imagine that James Bond is at the beck and call of Buckingham Palace. The way that the Epstein sex ring scandal has entangled Prince Andrew, the Queen might be wishing that she did have 007 on her speed dial, but that's not how it works outside Hollywood.
But that doesn't stop the Globe from going full Mario Puzo in its report: "Royals put murder contract on Epstein's accused madam who knows about Andrew."
According to unnamed sources, "US spies have top-secret phone intercepts indicating Queen Elizabeth - or someone in her inner circle - has ordered a hit on the British socialite to keep her from exposing details of Prince Andrew's friendship with convicted pedophile Epstein."
Epstein was allegedly murdered - despite the coroner ruling his death a suicide - "to prevent him from ratting out Andrew and destroying the British monarchy with a shameful sex scandal."
This is the same British monarchy that has seen Henry VIII behead two wives, Elizabeth I execute her cousin Mary, Queen of Scots, Edward V murdered in the Tower of London by Richard III, Edward VIII relinquish the crown for love, and Princess Diana divorce her unfeeling husband, heir to the throne Prince Charles.
If the monarchy can survive all that and more, it can certainly survive whatever happens to Prince Andrew, who has long been relegated to the Royal minor leagues as a relief pitcher and who has served little useful purpose in years.
If the Globe report were indeed accurate - as if - the true story would be that the US Department of Justice would be pursuing an arrest warrant and extradition order for The Queen for conspiracy to murder. But even that would be for appearances' sake only, as the Queen is above the law in Britain thanks to sovereign immunity, and can claim diplomatic immunity elsewhere in the world, so that she could literally get away with murder anywhere on the planet.
Ghislaine might want to think twice before accepting the invitation if the Queen offers to visit her Brooklyn jail cell.
Read the rest here.
Sarcasm.
RC