"Only we are allowed to spy on people" says Google

Waterford Whispers News
Mon, 20 May 2019 23:30 UTC

TECH giant Google has announced it will be barring Huawei from updates to its Android operating system as the Chinese smartphone maker is accused of doing exactly what Google already does - harvesting peoples information.

The move comes after the Trump administration added Huawei to a list of companies that American firms cannot trade with, citing a threat to American national security from those "dodgy Chinese lads".

"Yeah, we harvest a lot more information from our users, but we're not Chinese," said Google CEO Sundar Pichai, "we track what you browse online, your interests, the device you use, your location throughout the day, your porn preferences and we even can listen to your calls and read your personal messages, but we're not them, we're us, and we're one of the very few multinational companies allowed to spy on people while paying little to no tax in our our foreign havens abroad - we're Google for christ's sakes".

The move to ban Huawei has since been welcomed by many people across the world.

"How ow wey, who wey, hugh awey, or whatever they call themselves deserve to be banned for having a unpronounceable name like that," one person remarked, unaware their iPhone's microphone flagged the phonemakers name into its cache to produce a Huawei Facebook instant messenger advertisement for later on.

Reader Comments

pit12 · 2019-05-21T15:34:52Z

The gall from that bastard!

pit12 · 2019-05-21T15:37:18Z

On a serious note, I used to always be happy when I got an Android update to the latest software where Google introduces new features to Android: Ice Cream Sandwich, Jellybean, Kit Kat, L? forgot, Marshmallow, Nouget, Oreo I think, anywho, updates probably swoop all your data into the matrix.

Duff · 2019-05-22T16:28:00Z

pit12 I can relate. I remember when I was "forced" to create a GMail account or I couldn't access the play store or receive OTA updates a number of years back. I've tried to keep that account as separated from my life as I could, but over the years that's proven to be impossible, and that's not even taking into account that Google no doubt knows 99% of everything I do on my phone.

And yet here I am seriously considering a brand new Pixel 3a phone because it's becoming harder and harder to find up to date ROMs for my three year old Motorola which stopped receiving OTA updates last summer.

Jawla · 2019-06-09T19:22:45Z

I would buy a Chinese phone any day and in fact I will just for the sheer hell of it. And in have never trusted Google one iota. I don't sign into any of their crap. If they want me to agree to anything, I go without.