Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Extinguisher

Tina Turner Burns Down Legs For Insurance Money

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Turner insured her famous limbs for 3.2 million.

Los Angeles - Police officers arrested Tina Turner this week on suspicion of arson, reckless endangerment, and insurance fraud, following allegations that the legendary R&B singer burned down her legs for financial gain.

Question

Nigerian web scam bilked Utah out of $2.5M

Thieves apparently used a Nigerian-based scam to steal $2.5 million from the Utah treasury, covering their tracks by using intermediaries and a church address.

A Salt Lake Tribune review of the names listed in a search warrant as receiving or transferring money have names of African origin or connections to that continent. Michael Kessler, president of Kessler International, a forensic accounting and investigation agency in New York City, said the thieves appear to have used a simple scam that originated in Nigeria about five years ago.

The Utah theft is the first time he's seen a government victimized.

"Their IT people should have known better," Kessler said after reviewing a copy of the search warrant Thursday. "It sounds like any kid could have done this."

Smiley

Iowa: Why Did You Run That Light? "Because It Was Red"

Asked why he went through an intersection on a red light, a Des Moines man about to be arrested on a third drunken driving charge, allegedly answered, "Because it was red."

Travis Lyle Williams, a 29-year-old construction worker, went through the intersection of Grand and Second Avenues "without hesitation" on a red light shortly before 2 a.m., on Thursday, police said.

He is being held in the Polk County Jail on $5,000 bond.

Magic Wand

Dude, where's my truck? Video explains mysterious truck disappearance

A California man called police Sunday to report his truck had been stolen while he was inside a convenience store in Laguna Beach.

Police checked the store's security camera hoping to get a glimpse of the thief.

And the videotape solved the mystery.


Black Cat

It's Friday the 13th. And that's only the frigga'n beginning

This will come as no surprise to worshippers of the Norse pagan goddess Frigga, but today is Friday the 13th, and people who suffer from a fear of calendrical calamity on this day are known as friggatriskaidekaphobes.

That alone might be a reason to spend the rest of the day in bed, but this Friday the 13th is only the frigga'n beginning of the bad news.

As if the year weren't already off to a painful enough start - with the economy in ruins, post-partisan politics in a post-partum depression, and pitchers and catchers set to report for their first human growth hormone shots of the season - 2009 is shaping up as the unluckiest year in more than a decade. Following February's freaky Friday the 13th comes another one in March. And then again in November!

Arrow Down

Florida: Job Seeker Jumps Off Bridge to Boost Resume

A Fort Pierce man had himself videotaped jumping off a causeway bridge to get a little more attention for his resume, authorities said.

A police spokeswoman said Christopher Warren Grima, 25, is applying for a six-month job paying $105,000 on the Great Barrier Reef in Australia. She said Wednesday's stunt was supposed to make his application shocking so that his prospective employers would give him a closer look.

Grima told Scripps Treasure Coast Newspapers that he tried to leave quickly, but the police arrived before he could get out of the water. Grima said he wasn't sure about the legality of the jump, which he guessed was at least 40 feet, but he knew he wasn't supposed to do it.

Popcorn

Tories admit to Wiki-alteration

Titian - Bacchus and Ariadne
Titian - Bacchus and Ariadne
The Tories have admitted a member of staff altered a Wikipedia entry on the artist Titian after a row between Gordon Brown and David Cameron.

During exchanges at prime minister's questions, the Tory leader mocked Mr Brown for talking of Titian at 90, when he said in fact he had died age 86.

Shortly afterwards a Wikipedia user registered at Conservative HQ moved his date of death forward.

The party admitted an "over-eager" member of staff had been responsible.

Wikipedia is an online encyclopaedia founded in 2001 and based on wikis, which let anyone have access to a web page.

The issue of Titian was raised during prime minister's questions when David Cameron referred to comments made by Mr Brown last month at the World Economic Forum in Davos.

Cow

India to launch cow urine as soft drink

Does your Pepsi lack pep? Is your Coke not the real thing? India's Hindu nationalist movement apparently has the answer: a new soft drink made from cow urine.

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© Sasa Kralj/APWelcome to your new vending machine...

Smiley

Man Runs Out of Gas After Robbing Gas Station

An Englewood East man who allegedly used a Bowie knife to rob a gas station did not fill up while he was there. He was arrested after his getaway car ran out of gas.

David Eric Hampton, 23, of the 9000 block of Fruitland Avenue, was charged Sunday with robbery with a weapon, and loitering/prowling, the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office said.

He is being held at the county jail without bail.

Telephone

9 Humiliating Ways Cell Phones Injure People

Despite their usefulness, cellular phones get a lot of negative press. Excessive and improper cell phone use accounts for hundreds of thousands of injuries and deaths around the world every year. A recent study showed that a coordinated 20 year-old has the same reaction time as that of a 70 year old when talking on a cell phone. This waned concentration can lead to many dangerous situations. And while most of us have made it this far without the need of protective shoulder pads or helmets, the risk of cell phone injury still exists.

The following is a list of cell phone injuries, ordered in their likeliness to occur, from most to least.

Comment: Referring to Number 9: on the contrary, cell phones do emit radiation, leading to tumors and other health problems. See here and here.