Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Smiley

Man Calls 911 Over 28-Year-Old Son's Messy Bedroom


The Associated Press
Mon, 18 May 2009 14:54 UTC
Bedford, Ohio - An Ohio man who argued with his grown son over a messy bedroom said he overreacted when he called 911. Andrew Mizsak called authorities Thursday after his 28-year-old son - who's a school board member in the Cleveland suburb of Bedford - threw a plate of food across the kitchen table and made a fist at him when told to clean his room.

The son, also named Andrew, lives in a room in his parents' basement.

The father declined to press charges and told police he doesn't want to ruin his son's political career.
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Bulb

Banana used as gun in holdup, then eaten


Associated Press
Sun, 17 May 2009 04:26 UTC
Winston-Salem, North Carolina - Authorities in North Carolina say a store owner and a patron thwarted a teen accused of trying to carry out a robbery by concealing a banana beneath his shirt to resemble a gun.

Winston-Salem authorities say 17-year-old John Szwalla entered the Internet cafe Thursday and demanded money, saying he had a gun.
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Oscar

Girls Rule!: Filly wins Preakness for first time in 85 years


Assoicated Press
Sun, 17 May 2009 01:54 UTC
Rahael Alexandra
© Carr/AP Exercise rider Dominic Terry takes Rachel Alexandra around the track at Pimlico on Friday.

Baltimore - Girls rule! The best 3-year-old in the land just happens to be a filly named Rachel Alexandra.

Jockey Calvin Borel all but guaranteed victory in the Preakness Stakes and, boy, did she deliver, becoming the first filly in 85 years to win the second leg of the Triple Crown.

A rangy bay who is as big as most of the horses she beat, Rachel Alexandra shot to the front and took a sizable lead before Mine That Bird tested her in the stretch. The 9-5 favorite beat him by a length in her first race against the boys.

Saturday's win also validated Borel's decision to climb off Kentucky Derby winner Mine That Bird and stay on as her regular rider.

Now Borel may get a shot at a personal Triple Crown, if Rachel Alexandra goes on to the Belmont Stakes in three weeks. The 1.5-mile race is the most grueling of the three.
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Target

Does being an old crank make me a Republican?

Garrison Keillor
Tribune Media
Sat, 16 May 2009 21:39 UTC
Only one out of five Americans is willing to describe himself or herself as a Republican these days, and frankly I am tempted to become one of them. For the variety, and because they need me and because when I heard former Vice President Cheney talk about the meaning of Republicanism - "We are what we are," he said - I felt drawn to the simplicity and dignity of that. And I have never been a Republican, just as I've never been to South America, and that makes it tempting.

I look at pictures of Machu Picchu and think, "Why don't I get on a plane and go?" And I look at Dick Cheney and think, "This man needs friends." I voted for Obama, and will vote for him again in 2012, Lord willing, but in the meantime, it's a free country.

And it is just a whole lot more satisfying to be part of a militant, righteous minority than to be in the anxiety-ridden, confused majority - to be a nightrider and ambusher rather than one of the people in the long wagon train - to be free to juke around and say wild stuff and know that it doesn't make a dime's worth of difference.
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Sherlock

Investigators hope to stop 'Nicotine Ninja'

Chris Vanderveen
9News
Wed, 13 May 2009 15:31 UTC
He comes at night, he's dressed from head to toe in black, and whenever he breaks into a gas station or convenience store he only seeks out cartons of cigarettes.

So this week investigators decided the incredibly prolific burglar needed a catchy name.

"We're calling him the Nighttime Nicotine Ninja," Jacki Kelley said with only a hint of a smile.
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Cookie

Child lands dream job as a Swizzels Matlow sweet taster


The Telegraph
Fri, 15 May 2009 19:53 UTC
Harry Willsher
© PAHarry Willsher,12, of Billericay, Essex, will spend the next year sampling sweets after landing a job as an official taster for Swizzels Matlow
Harry Willsher, 12, will spend the next year sampling sweets after landing a child's dream job as an official taster for Swizzels Matlow.

Harry, of Billericay, Essex, beat thousands of hopefuls to be taken on by the confectionery firm for the next 12 months.

As well as sampling the sweets, he will also monitor their development at the company's factory in New Mills, Derbyshire.

Harry, who lives with his parents, two brothers and sister, was selected after writing about his love for Drumstick Lollies.
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Cow

Opera singer serenades cow herd


BBC News
Thu, 14 May 2009 18:19 UTC
Marcello Bedoni_01
Marcello Bedoni hits the right note for extra milk
A herd of Lancashire dairy cows is being serenaded by an Italian opera singer to help improve their milk production.

Farmer Bobby Gill said he hoped the music would help improve the taste of ice cream produced in a Wigan factory with their milk.

Marcello Bedoni has been singing a special selection of opera in one of the fields at the Sabden farm.
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Cheeseburger

Rotten office fridge cleanup sends 7 to hospital


Associated Press
Wed, 13 May 2009 01:00 UTC
San Jose, California - An office worker cleaning a fridge full of rotten food created a smell so noxious that it sent seven co-workers to the hospital and made many others ill. Firefighters had to evacuate the AT&T building in downtown San Jose on Tuesday, after the flagrant fumes prompted someone to call 911. A hazmat team was called in.

What they found was an unplugged refrigerator that had been crammed with moldy food.
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Roses

Stimulus for the Dead

David Epstein
ProPublica
Tue, 12 May 2009 00:02 UTC
It's only fair to expect the odd clerical error amid the frantic rush to infuse the economy with cash. But assuming that only living Americans will have their wallets fattened seems like a reasonable expectation.
ProPublica Graveyard
© ProPublica

WBALTV in Baltimore reports this morning that Rose Hagner, a Maryland woman who died on Memorial Day in 1967, received one of the one-time $250 stimulus checks intended for Social Security and SSI recipients. (As we noted last week, working seniors who make over $75,000 will receive the check only to have the $250 deducted from their tax credit next spring.)

Representatives from the Social Security Administration told the station that, of 52 million checks that are out the door, around 10,000 have been sent to people who have passed away. The representatives blame the hasty June check-mailing deadline for not allowing them to peruse their records with fine-toothed combs. If 43 years wasn't long enough to get Rose off the rolls, certainly the three months since the passage of the stimulus bill wouldn't be.
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Mr. Potato

Shopper asked for proof of age to buy Asda teaspoons

Aislinn Simpson
Telegraph.co.uk
Tue, 05 May 2009 23:36 UTC
A shopper was left baffled after she went to Asda to stock up on picnic equipment and was asked for proof of age to buy a set of teaspoons.

The shop assistant reportedly informed the customer that someone had once been murdered with a teaspoon, and therefore age identification was now required.

That the woman had also bought plates and picnic ware at the Halifax branch in West Yorkshire did not appear to reassure the shop assistant as to her innocent intentions.

The receipt for the bizarre sale was published on the website nannyknowsbest, a website set up by an internet entrepreneur Ken Frost to "expose and resist the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain".
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