"Look, these creatures charging me with their blood-drenched teeth and soulless black eyes seem reasonable," said the man. "I must've done something to anger them or hurt their feelings! I should just do the right thing and apologize to them."
"Hey there Mr. Shark!" said the man to one of the creatures chewing through his left leg. "I am deeply sorry for any comments I may have made in the past that were hurtful and damaging to the shark community. This has been a time of learning and growth for me. I'm grateful for you and others like you who have called me to 'do better.' I am deeply sorry."
The shark then chewed off the man's right leg as well.
"I suppose I deserved that," said the man. "Thank you for holding me accountable."
Sources say the man apologized to the brainless underwater killing machines several times until they devoured the rest of him. The man is survived by his family and friends, all of whom have now disowned him.
Medics arrived on the scene to find only half of a severed arm left in the water. The severed arm has been hired by The Daily Wire.
Reader Comments
Don't get me wrong, I love Joe lots. I just despise coward moves...
I think ex-shock jock Howard Stern's comments [Link] ['Don’t Cancel Me, Please': Degenerate Shock Jock Howard Stern Says Joe Rogan’s Apology Should Have Been 'I’m Wrong, Go Get a Vaccine Before You Die'"] revealed more anger toward Joe getting the big $$$ and more notoriety than he. I looked up Stern's salary. He's getting the same as Rogan. First 5 years = 1 M/yr.; second 5 years = $80 M/yr.; and latest contract = 120 M/yr. Stern is aged middle 60s; Rogan is young 50s. Rogan is simply an incredibly influential voice of his times...which Stern never was and never will be.
Here's a great analysis by Tom Luogno today. [Link]