Bill
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Bill Clinton's viagra delivery has sent the security services into a frenzy.

Suspicious packages arrived at the home address of the Clintons which, when scanned, were said to contain highly volatile material that could level a city block.

"Turns out it's just Bill's stiffy pills," sighed a frustrated bomb disposal expert.

"It set off every alarm we have. Nobody on God's green earth needs Viagra THAT powerful, surely?

"We were about to blow it up in a controlled explosion when Bill came sprinting out the patio doors in his dressing gown screaming "NOOOOO!" and then hurling himself onto the package. It was athletically impressive for a man of his age.

"Then he told us all to 'calm the fuck down' before taking out a bottle and downing several pills in front of us.

"Once we clocked what was actually going on, we assumed he'd be going back inside to give Hillary a good seeing to, but he just got in his car and drove off; Ariana Grande booming through the sound system.

"He's such a character."