xmas gifts under tree
© Getty Images
With only 105 days until Christmas, SOTT Satire Desk takes an impartial look at the trending gifts for the forthcoming festive season and selects its top five.

Hillary health coughing
© The American MirrorAt last.....the real culprit behind 'cough a lot' Clinton is finally revealed....
Putinmon Go

Putinmon Go is already being touted as the game of the year. The free-to-play, location-based augmented reality game has a global release date for November 8th, to coincide with the United States presidential election ("as one illusory game ends, another begins" according to some leaked promotional advertising).

Point your mobile device at a coughing Hillary Clinton as she suffers yet another severe 'allergic reaction', and you'll see 'Putinmon' insidiously brandishing a potentially lethal pollen-laden bunch of flowers.

putin with flowers
.....it's Putinmon!

If you're lucky enough to spot an incoming space rock about to cause planetary catastrophe, point your mobile device at it and you'll see 'Putinmon' sitting astride it.

Frustrated by a power outage? Don't hate your local authority, point your device at the local power station and you'll see that Putinmon sabotaged it!

Did you come home to find your goldfish missing from its tank and a suspicious look on your cat's face? Have pity on the poor kitty and use Putinmon Go to convince yourself that Putin framed your favorite feline!

Are you a Democrat? If, to your horror, Trump initially wins the election in November but then, to your delight, the result is overturned - on the basis of dubious 'Russian hackers' allegations - and Hillary is installed as POTUS, convince yourself that everything is cool with American democracy by using Putinmon Go to expose Putin as the culprit!

The ultimate goal of the game is to complete the entries in the Putindex, a comprehensive encyclopedia, by capturing all of the original 666 Putinmons.
ninja on train
The ever resourceful Jeremy Corbyn disguised as a ninja (in socialist red of course) on the London Underground......on his way to meet his nemesis billionaire Richard Branson in Cluedo: Time traveler.
Cluedo: Time traveler

Cluedo - known as Clue in North America - is a murder mystery game, the object of which is to determine who murdered the game's victim, where the crime took place, and which weapon was used. Each player assumes the role of one of the six suspects, and attempts to deduce the correct answer by strategically moving around a game board representing the rooms of a mansion and collecting clues about the circumstances of the murder from the other players.

The new technology based version - Cluedo: Time traveler - enables players to choose from thousands of historical scenes or create new ones, customizing the identities of the suspects and weapons used. The manufactures have helpfully added some default settings including a new suspect in Vladimir Putin (Jeremy Corbyn is optional for the UK market) with a variety of new weapons and scenes.

Historical default setting:

Who killed JFK? It was Putin hiding in the grassy knoll of Dealey Plaza, Dallas, fatally shooting President Kennedy with a volley of steely glares.

Futuristic default setting:

Who killed Richard Branson? It was Jeremy 'ninja' Corbyn on a virgin train from London Euston after deftly flicking his 'death star' railcard.

Bush and Blair
Can you retain a sense of sincerity uttering some famous quotes from these two former international statesmen?
Sincerity

As an alternative to the cutting edge technology that dominates the games industry, this simple board game harks back to simpler times. Players take it in turn to read from a selection of statements uttered by well-known political figures. Points are awarded to those who can do so with a suitably sincere demeanor, with points deducted for laughing like a psychopathic maniac, wearing too smug an expression or projectile vomiting from unconscionable disgust.

sadist hillary
Sincerity.....the game that will test the strongest resolve.
Some of the quotes included are:

"I will be with you, whatever." Tony Blair

"I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace." George W. Bush

"One of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror. " George W. Bush

"We came, we saw, he died." Hillary Clinton

"Military men are just dumb, stupid animals to be used as pawns in foreign policy" Henry Kissinger

"Depopulation should be the highest priority of foreign policy towards the third world." Henry Kissinger

"The elderly are useless eaters". Henry Kissinger

west virginia floods
As extreme weather events increase, games manufacturers see a growing market for new products...like new poohsticks.
New Poohsticks

The game of Poohsticks, first mentioned in a Winnie-the-Pooh book by A. A. Milne, has received a radical update with the release of 'New Poohsticks'. Traditionally it is played on any bridge over running water, where each player drops a stick on the upstream side of a bridge and the one whose stick first appears on the downstream side is the winner.

The new Poohsticks are available in a variety of luminous colors, each stamped with a unique code. Rather than having to find a bridge over running water, the revised game consists of climbing onto your roof when yet another biblical downpour creates the next 'one-in-1,000-year flood', and just tossing the poohsticks into the raging waters below.

Winners are declared (on an increasingly regular basis) depending on whose poohstick has traveled the furthest (codes are uploaded to a central database wherever they are found). Deluxe versions have a microchip incorporated so players can track their poohsticks using a GPS app on their smart phones whilst waiting to be rescued.

Amatrice bell tower
© APFollowing the devastating earthquake in August, the 13th century bell tower of Amatrice stood tall above the rubble over the surrounding buildings.

Eco - Lego


Lego is a line of plastic construction toys manufactured by The Lego Group (recently purchased by The Trump Organization) consisting of colorful interlocking plastic bricks accompanying an array of gears and figurines. Lego pieces can be assembled and connected in many ways, to construct objects; vehicles, buildings, and working robots.

This year's version is Eco - Lego, an attempt to address current environmental issues and also promote basic design, building and engineering skills.

It facilitates problem solving for a variety of extreme environmental conditions, albeit on a smaller scale. Eco - Lego includes domed buildings, earth-bermed structures with different materials and facilitates alternative technologies (like a floating foundation which allows the structure to move independently of the ground). For example, shake the board - simulating an earthquake - and observe and learn from the results. It encourages simple solutions using proven building technology for well-known natural phenomena.

* A special Lego game is currently being developed specifically for Mexico. 'La pared' will consist of just bricks, floodlights and gun turrets.

New Christmas decorations

As Christmas approaches, disenfranchised and frustrated voters in America who are becoming more aware of the charade of democracy are creating their own sparkly 'Giant Meteor 2016'-themed house and tree decorations.

This growing wave of collective acceptance and contrition as to the lamentable state of the homeland, and the effects of this pathology abroad, has rendered the traditional yuletide messages of "Merry Christmas" and "Seasons Greetings" relatively meaningless. However, an outdoor lighting manufacturer has reported an unprecedented demand for their new range - flashing LED lights (in red, white and blue) that simply spell out "Sorry / ะŸั€ะพัั‚ะธ / lo siento".

Note: The release date for the much-anticipated socio-economic reality board game 'Brexit' has been postponed indefinitely. Apparently the creative team behind the project at Hubris Inc. just cannot agree on what the rules should be.