© Ellis
"My son Timmy and I were in the pool surfing the left, just waiting for one of those ruler-edge-perfect tubes we'd seen on FLYover's Instagram, and then it happened," says visiting Gulf Coast surfer Ron Jenkinson. " A 20-footer came out of nowhere and broke right on top of us. It washed Timmy and me all the way out of the pool and clear past the hot-dog stand -- nearly killed us!"
According to FLYover engineers and scientists, they had been facing extreme pressure from investors to make larger and hollower waves in order to be competitive with other emerging artificial-wave technologies.
"In truth, none of us could figure out how to make the wave any bigger or better on our own," says German computer physicist Werner Hamburg. "In our desperation, we turned to something that we didn't fully understand. We installed experimental 'self-teaching' software in the wave generation system."
At 10:30 a.m., within just a few hours of coming online, the new software had found a way to re-route water using the filtration system to increase wave height from 3 feet to 6 feet. By 11:15 a.m., it had worked out a new foil angle that allowed for "totally righteous barrel sections," according to Hamburg, which would "sting your neck from the fire-hose spit." At 12:01 p.m., engineers were puzzled when the program began using a self-installed voice interface and asking FLYover employees to call it "Hank."
"That's when things really started getting weird," says head engineer Dirk McInweld. "Hank asked if we'd get him a 3-D printer and showed me blueprints for what looked like a robot or something; he was trying to build himself a body. I asked Hank, 'Are you crazy or something? We're not doing that. Can't you just be happy making waves for all these nice tourists?'"
After the massive wave injured several patrons and took out a cotton- candy vendor, the board members of FLYover Surf announced that they'd temporarily close the park to "recalibrate" Hank, and would offer all the affected surfers vouchers for one free session and a hot dog once the park reopens.
"Sure, I'm pissed about what happened," says Jenkinson. "But I'm not about to pass up a deal. And let's be honest, that wave will be real bitchin' if Hank can keep his shit together."
[Editor's note: "Corndogging" is a satirical column in which we take serious surf issues, dunk 'em in the ocean, and roll them around in the sand for awhile.]
Reader Comments
The 'fire hose spit' is not the 'lip' of the wave coming down on one, but it is when the air compressed inside a closing barrel spews salty foam out of the center of the tube.
(One of the best waves I ever saw was a perfect, ~9 foot face height 'A-frame' peak, which had practically identical left and right on it. As it peeled off, it spit three times in each direction! INSANE!
Also, one obvious exaggeration is 'spit like a fire hose'. On huge waves it can slightly sting, but is always a great feeling because it happens when you're coming out of a tube. But not from a wave park.
On that perfect day, (approximately December 1976), we couldn't surf it , however. No one would, no one could. Why? There were literally thousands of sharks in the water as far as the eye could see. There were so many sharks in the water that they were being crowded to the inside and dumped on the sand at our feet. (The little 3 foot babies.) (No, I am NOT exaggerating like the writer of the article is.)
As one got farther out, the sharks got way bigger. It was, (and is), in effect a natural warm-water shark nursery. If you've seen pictures of large schools of sharks from the air in florida, it was like that, but it was way bigger and far more crowded - it looked like a live bait tank - and covered an area about 3 - 5 square miles (conservative estimate.)
All Florida surfers see lots of sharks, and very rarely does one get out or stay out of the water for them. Not in this case. On that one day in 12/1976, I saw more sharks than I've seen the rest of my life put together. It was crazy. You may read it one day.
He's an explanation of why waves spit: [Link]
Here's a good, older video of waves spitting. [Link]
R.C.