Putin emperor
© The Imaginative Conservative
This time no invasion of Russia (probably).
Europe should stop holding elections. Everyone already knows that Putin will win

Hey French people — are you excited to go to the polls on Sunday and choose your next president? Of course not. All French citizens with a clue will stay home and count their baguettes, because they know that Vladimir Putin will be their next president. This is what we are being told by our trusted media. And when have they ever been wrong? We rest our case.

"Vladimir Putin's fortunes may be declining in the United States, but he is still well placed to win big in the French presidential election," writes Quartz, which apparently has double-checked the latest Gallup polls and knows that Putin has the French presidential election in the bag.

Here's the thing: Putin was slated to become France's next president months ago. The whole French election, starting with the primaries, has been a giant scam.

Why is Europe even holding "elections" anymore? Everyone knows that Putin will win. For example, we keep seeing naive fools on Twitter talk about the so-called UK "general election" in May.

Stop wasting your time with these rubber-stamp formalities. Putin will be elected the next Queen of England. And Prime Minister. He will also be crowned the "beef eater" guy with the funny hat who guards London's famous torture tower or whatever.

Serious question: Is Europe really this fragile and insecure? One guy can systematically dismember the West's glorious "democratic" institutions? Really makes you think.

Le Pen Putinwins
© Quartz