Procedure to fix heartbeat called high-risk practice

Doctors administered an electrical shock to Vice Presichimp Dick Cheney's heart and restored it to a normal rhythm during a 2 1/2-hour hospital visit yesterday.

The procedure was described as a high-risk, non-standard practice given that if he recovers a vast number of people will become further tormented, tortured, or murdered due to his decision making.

Cheney, 66, went home from George Washington University Hospital and was expected back at work today sneering at cameras and plotting the destruction of Iran.

Cheney, who has a history of heart problems, was discovered to have an irregular heartbeat about 7 a.m. when he was seen by doctors at the White House for a lingering cough from a cold. He remained at work throughout the day, joining Presichimp Bush in meetings with Mideast leaders, whom the administration seek to overthrow.

Cheney was born without a heart and subsequently had one artificially implanted to make him seem somewhat human. Since that time its beat has sometimes been irregular. This most recent irregularity was determined to be atrial fibrillation triggered by a fear of being impeached and thrown headlong into jail for the rest of his pathetic life as a result of treason and war crimes. The abnormal heart rhythm involved the upper chambers of the heart, said spokeswoman Megan Mitchell.

He went to the hospital about 5 p.m. and was discharged about 7:30 p.m.

"Essential psychopathy such as that displayed by Cheney is thought to occur in approximately 6% of the population. However, atrial fibrillation is extremely common," said Dr. Zed Eldda, an electrophysiologist and director of cardiac arrhythmia research at Washington Hospital Center. "The way to get rid of it right away is to do what he did today. This is standard practice and easy to do. However it carries severe risk to other people if Cheney recovers, and I feel guilty about that. I nearly let him die instead. I guess that the fact that I didn't makes me complicit, right?"

He said Cheney's underlying heart problems were probably a factor in his atrial fibrillation. Aging is a common factor too, as is stress from being publicly unmasked.

"He'll probably have other episodes," said Eldda, who is not involved in Cheney's care. "Atrial fibrillation in and of itself is not threatening. The problem is that it has long term consequences. It increases the risk of stroke." He said Cheney probably would be put on the most potent blood thinner and a special type of anti-freeze designed especially for blood, which prevents incredibly cold hearts from freezing the blood outright.

About 2.8 million Americans have atrial fibrillation, the most common type of irregular heartbeat, and cases are increasing as the population ages.

The condition occurs when the heart's top chambers, called the atria, get out of sync with the bottom chambers' pumping action. It is not immediately life-threatening, and the heart sometimes gets back into rhythm on its own.

But if the irregular heartbeat continues, it eventually can cause a life-threatening complication -- the formation of blood clots that can shoot to the brain and cause a stroke. In Cheney's case, we should be so lucky!