Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Mr. Potato

US: Man sent to jail after laughing in courtroom


Associated Press
Fri, 13 Aug 2010 13:05 UTC
Court is no laughing matter as far as one North Carolina judge is concerned.

A Fayetteville man who was waiting for his case to be heard Friday drew the ire of Judge Toni King after starting to laugh in a Cumberland County courtroom. Authorities said King asked 47-year-old Johnny Montgomery why he was laughing, but the man refused to say.

King ordered Montgomery to jail on a misdemeanor charge. As deputies were preparing to take Montgomery to jail, they searched him and found more than 3 grams of crack cocaine.
Read More...
Family

Illinois, US: 4 Sisters Have 4 Babies in 4 Days


The Associated Press
Wed, 11 Aug 2010 16:44 UTC
Four sisters from one family have each given birth within four days.

That's four sisters, four babies, four days. The same obstetrician delivered the babies of three of the sisters - 27-year-old Lilian Sepulveda, 29-year-old Saby Pazos and 24-year-old Leslie Pazos - in the same suburban Chicago hospital on Friday and Saturday.

A fourth sister, Heidi Lopez, gave birth on Monday in California.

Family members said the women didn't plan the timing. Obstetrician Dr. Jean Alexandre, who delivered the three babies in suburban Chicago, calls the births "very unusual but wonderful at the same time."
Read More...
Mr. Potato

Out-FOXed: Bill O'Reilly bites the RT bullet


Russia Today
Thu, 24 Dec 2009 18:37 UTC
RT came under attack from Fox News talk show host Bill O'Reilly last week. He lashed out at an interview with former radical anti-war activist, now professor, Bill Ayers who was speaking to RT's Anastasia Churkina. She now puts American mainstream television in the spotlight to see if its spinning too far from the truth.

Read More...
War Whore

Satire: Hillary Clinton Drags Taliban Leader's Body Through Streets Of Kabul


The Onion
Tue, 10 Aug 2010 12:04 UTC
Kabul, Afghanistan - As members of the international press looked on, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton rode on horseback through the streets of Kabul Monday, dragging the mutilated remains of Taliban leader Mullah Abdul Jalil through the dirt behind her. "Graaaaaggghh!" Clinton shouted as a frenzied crowd of supporters shot AK-47s into the air.
Read More...
Alarm Clock

JetBlue Flight Attendant Makes Dramatic Job Exit - Drops intercom F-bomb, Screams, 'I've had it,' Bolts Plane

Alison Gendar & Dave Goldiner
NY Daily News
Mon, 09 Aug 2010 17:33 UTC
Have you ever felt like screaming 'I've had it' and storming out of your workplace? A JetBlue flight attendant blew his top on an incoming flight at Kennedy Airport on Monday, dropped the F-bomb over the intercom and bolted down an emergency slide.

The mad-as-hell worker stunned passengers when he spewed profanity and boasted about quitting his job as the flight from Pittsburgh pulled up to the gate around noon.

Image
© SlaterSteven Slater in happier times.
Read More...
Smiley

Naomi Campbell Mistakes Head Of John The Baptist For A Bowling Ball


Feed The Moon
Fri, 06 Aug 2010 09:44 UTC
Image
Naomi Campbell pictured with her now infamous 'string of ice cubes'.

'It was a genuine mistake' claimed Campbell, adding: 'I hope this won't affect sales of my new perfume'. The perfume in question has also been the cause of some controversy, containing as it does the tears of Haitian orphans"
Image
Naomi in happier times, pictured with her beloved pet raccoon.

*Vapid, by Naomi Campbell will be available in shops from September.
Read More...
Mail

Comcast to Customer: Pay Us $0.00 or We'll Cancel Your Service


Gizmodo
Fri, 06 Aug 2010 08:46 UTC
gizmodo comcast 1
© Unknown

A Comcast customer received this letter informing him that his account's currently delinquent and that his service will be canceled if he does not pay the amount owed. The trouble? The amount owed is $0.00.
Read More...
Smiley

Non-UFO: Odds and Ends


Inexplicata
Mon, 02 Aug 2010 15:34 UTC
Painting of Spain's elite on horsebeack
© Unknown
Our colleague Angel Rodriguez, director of Spain's GEIFO research group, has sent us the tidbit of information that appears below.

As a result of a drought that devastated the department of Las Castañas in Mexico in 1833, the town's mayor issued the following decree that appeared in the El Libertador newspaper:

"Art.1 If it does not rain abundantly within eight days, no one shall go to mass or pray.
Art.2 If the drought persists for another eight days, churches, convents and chapels shall be set on fire.
Art.3 If it has still not rained in another eight days, clergymen, friars, nuns and the overly pious shall be beheaded.
Read More...
Smiley

Satire: New Robot Capable Of Unhealthily Repressing Emotion


The Onion
Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:59 UTC
Pittsburgh - Announcing a crucial breakthrough in the effort to create machines that accurately simulate human behavior, researchers at Carnegie Mellon University said Monday they had built the first robot with the capacity to suppress its emotions. "This is the holy grail of artificial intelligence," said project director Kate Tillman, explaining that the robot instantly performs millions of computations to ensure feelings of unresolved anger and simmering resentment remain deeply buried within its complex circuitry.
Read More...
Briefcase

Satire: Unemployment High Because People Keep Blowing Their Job Interviews


The Onion
Thu, 29 Jul 2010 11:57 UTC
Job Interview
© The OnionAnother applicant blows it by describing his short-term goals as "getting this job."
Washington - With unemployment at its highest level in decades, the U.S. Department of Labor issued a report Tuesday suggesting the crisis is primarily the result of millions of Americans just completely blowing their job interviews.

According to the findings, seven out of 10 Americans could have landed their dream job last month if they had known where they see themselves in five years, and the number of unemployed could be reduced from 14.6 million to 5 million if everyone simply greeted potential employers with firmer handshakes, maintained eye contact, and stopped fiddling with their hair and face so much.

"This economy will not recover until job candidates learn how to put their best foot forward," said Labor Secretary Hilda Solis, warning that even a small increase in stuttering among applicants who are asked to describe their weaknesses could cause the entire labor market to collapse. "If we're going to dig ourselves out of this mess, Americans need to stop wearing blue jeans to interviews, even if they're nice blue jeans, and even if that particular office happens to have a relaxed dress code."
Read More...