"Please stop embarrassing the FBI!"
The statement comes just hours after X users discovered all suspects and motives related to the recent terror attacks in New Orleans and Las Vegas.
The statement reads in part:
"It is in the public interest that all X users stop solving crimes immediately. Solving crime is the responsibility of the federal government and local law enforcement. If we do not solve crimes first, we cannot control the narrative, and that's important for national security reasons we cannot discuss at this time.""You're going to put us all out of a job," said FBI Director Christopher Wray, commenting on the public statement. "We're supposed to be the ones solving crimes. Please stop demonstrating how useless we are."
As an incentive, the FBI is promising not to raid anyone who complies. "All you have to do is not report on suspects, observe obvious connections to other crimes, or complain when we prosecute parents of school-aged children," a spokesman for the bureau explained. "You scratch our back, we leave your back alone. Get it?"
At publishing time, the FBI had prosecuted an X user for interfering with a cover-up.
Reader Comments
while it is open if you are in the fbi or the cia and you need some consultation, then by all means please come into the bar and ask your question.
I mean sorry - others can solve problems quicker than you evidently - and apparently - you have made yourselves worthless.
~
Well - think about this - does anybody nowadays use Hoover vacuums anymore?
If that ain't telling, then let me tell you this - we don't need you fbi and cia to solve crimes anymore - you actually have become the criminals - you have made yourselves worthless - we don't need you - we don't want you - you are an abomination upon human dignity - take your Hoover-like mindset and put it where the sun don't ever shine - from shore to shore for all eternity.
[Link]
~
effers - eff U