© The Babylon Bee
After Hurricane Helene annihilated entire communities, the Prophet Noah steered his ark into needy areas to help rescue stranded Americans. FEMA reportedly blocked the seer and told him his saving people was really getting in the way.
"I tried to bring a large shipment of food and water into Appalachia, but FEMA turned me back and told me if I tried to deliver any more supplies they'd arrest me," Noah said. "But I've never been one to take the directives of naysayers to heart so back I went! That's when a guy put me in handcuffs and hauled me away. FEMA even impounded my ark! I worked so hard on that thing."
As of publishing time, FEMA had confiscated all Noah's animals and auctioned them off to pay for another $50 billion to Ukraine.
And then Noah encouraged the bats, the cats, the dogs, the birds, the bees, the crocodiles and alligators (but not the lizards), the left ones, the right ones, the ugly ones, the easy ones - the simple ones - to all come aboard the ship survive the flood after fema gets flooded - and then after that - big gubment got its due and all the animals got released from the ship after the flood god said would never happen again.
After that, God talked to Noah and said - thanks pal.