Nicknames
© The Babylon Bee
American presidents have been giving nicknames to members of their cabinet ever since George Washington first started calling John Adams "Johnny Boy." It's an endearing yet enduring presidential tradition.

We at the Babylon Bee have obtained Joe Biden's personal list of nicknames for his close advisors. Take a look and see how Biden really thinks about his inner circle.

  1. Lloyd Austin: "The Black One" — He's black so this one fits perfectly.
  2. Pete Buttigieg: "The Gay One" — Classic.
  3. Karine Jean-Pierre: "The Frumpy-Hair Lesbo" — An upgrade from his previous nickname: "The Gay Black One."
  4. Kamala Harris: "Cackles McGee" — Sometimes even "impeachment insurance" during less formal moments.
  5. Jill Biden: "Nice Lady-Nurse" — Couldn't have said it better.
  6. Barack Obama: "Boss Man" — Very clean and articulate.
  7. Hunter Biden: "Beau" — So sad when he died.
  8. Tom Vilsack: "The, the, the, ah, ah, ah, ah, but anyway" — You know, the guy...that one!
  9. Rachel Levine: "The Fat Dude Who Wears A Dress But Has Nice Smelling Hair" — A bit of a mouthful, but easy to remember.
  10. Merrick Garland: "Ratface" — Fitting.
  11. Jen O'Malley: "So And So" — Whoever she is.
  12. Dana Remus: "What's Her Face" — Yeah, her.
  13. Janet Yellen: "The Ugly One" — Not nice, Joe!
  14. Alejandro Mayorkas: "Frog-Face Baldy Man" — What does he do again?
  15. Antony Blinken: "Who?" — Huh? What? Where am I? Where's Jill?
Well, there you have it, folks. Now you can see just how close Biden is to his nearest and dearest!