© The Babylon Bee
"He just loves feeling like he's still a part of things," said Chief of Staff Ron Klain, watching the President spin a wheel. "Ope! Ring-ring, Mr. President! I think someone's calling on your little yellow phone!"
According to sources, Biden had become progressively more agitated as family members took over more of his previous roles. "Old people want to know they still have something to give, something to contribute," said aide Reyna Hensley. "Aw, look at the big boy doing his letters over there. Way to go, Mr. President! You're such a big help!"
White House aides report Biden has been much happier since the installation of the "Touch-And-Learn," with fewer temper tantrums. "He's screaming a lot less these days. It's really helped to keep his mind occupied, punching numbers on the little calculator," said Ms. Biden. "We were still letting him play with the actual Oval Office phones, but he started chewing on the cords. Plus, he called President Xi one day and asked if he would bring him a Lunchable. It was time."
At publishing time, the White House had bought a red and yellow "Cozy Coupe" so Biden could pretend he was still able to get around the White House by himself.
Quote "In a recent interview with Stephen Colbert, former President Barack Obama shared his thoughts on what a third term as president could have looked like. He joked that he would only agree to a third term if he could sit in his basement and let someone else speak for him during events. Obama explained that he would have loved to have a stand-in or front-person who could deliver his lines while he remained in his basement , looking through documents and giving guidance through an earpiece.