© The Babylon Bee
"We have a deadly enemy out there," announced General "Sparkles" McKenzie, "and it's called carbon. The problem with modern-day weapons is that they take a lot of carbon to make. But if we get some nice bespoke swords or bows and arrows, that will help us stay carbon neutral, and you can all sleep safe at night."
The Pentagon outlined many advantages to swords and bows other than their environmental impact. For one, it helps the military get rid of the M-16, a rifle they had wanted to stop using for a while, since it resembles the AR-15 preferred by right-wing nutjobs. Also, swords and bows don't make loud noises, and loud noises have been known to trigger more sensitive soldiers.
There are some problems with the new policy, though. Some military simulations have shown that swords and bows do put the military at a disadvantage against armies that still use irresponsible gunpowder and explosive weapons. "We have a modern weapon for that," explained McKenzie. "It's called the hashtag #StopTheBang. Everyone get on Twitter with that, and I'm sure we can shame our enemies into doing the right thing."
Reader Comments
So, being I want future generations to live in bounty and such, I hope we all start learning really quick and all. Cause the clock is ticking.
You have been warned all you puppets and elites alike......now it is time for some reflection.
Anyone can see all that live ammunition must add to global warming.
Peace is easy,
BK
Sorry, that would be some sort of cultural misappropriation today.
If the military attempt to present themselves for war with a bow and arrow or sword today, they’ll be immediately cancelled.
If it’s a Carbon neutral war, then you are the enemy, maybe you’re already captured by the narrative and are currently in a prisoner of carbon war camp or just interned in the medical industrial war camp where you're currently experimented on and data is collected to further an agenda....
Sooo many prisoner camps today, will we all be captured by some narrative or other, maybe even transferred from one camp to another under some social engineering scheme without duress.
Who is coming up with all these camps, is it a natural phenomena that’s helped along only if the outcome can be controlled.
I guess if stupidity becomes an unstoppable force and transhumanism an immovable idea, then all that will remain is transhumanism and the carnage as stupidity continues on, transhumanism forever!
God forbid that horses should assist in such matters, such animals farting endlessly, depositing methane into our atmosphere, and the diet of these armies needs to be considered too, absolutely NO beans, don't want a repetition of Blazing Saddles, do we
Can you imagine what it must have felt like to be the first company of pikeman who slaughtered the cavalry charge?
So after that happened, gunpowder became the next escalation in a simplistic way of speaking about improvements in military conflict.
Now, they are trying to conduct mind game warfare, and little do they know - this was anticipated. More than 100 years ago. Peace is easy,
BK
RC
Back in the early 80's I dated a model from PR and we went to some Miami discos that were straight Scarface. (She was related to one of their great rum makers. Was probably the second hottest girl I ever dated.*) Her brothers were my protectors though all of the other lotharios were NOT happy to have this long haired honky in their midst, I well recall.
*What can I say? It can't be the looks. Yeah, I keep in shape, but more powerful is the art of the bullshit.
RC
Ken
RC
Stupid iPad emojis don’t really lead to better communication do they?
Best to be face to face for that, and that idea I will take to my grave. Local Commerce is where it all begins for the better. BK
RC
So, and flint arrowheads, and wooden clubs instead of swords.
This same logic should be applied to the military. Obviously our soldiers are cowards for using howitzers and tanks when the enemy has none. Night vision goggles, high tech communications - all so cowardly. Don't even start on our cowardly pilots slaughtering the enemy from the skies when they can't muster a single aircraft to challenge them. There are so many good reasons beyond the environment to trash our most effective weapons. Giving a bunch to the Taliban was a good start at leveling the playing field, nice to see Biden making our fighters less cowardly.