Don't Panic! Lighten Up!

Huge spike noted in Americans buying F-15s after Biden suggests you'll need them to overthrow government

The Babylon Bee
Wed, 23 Jun 2021 17:05 UTC

The nation scrambled to buy F-15s and nuclear weapons after President Biden said in a speech Wednesday that you'll never beat a government unless you have the fighter jets and intercontinental ballistic missiles.

All over the nation, American citizens were seen parking their brand-new F-15s in their driveways and garages. Some wealthier Americans purchased the F-22, while less fortunate citizens were forced to buy the F-35 joint fighter. But no matter what craft they chose, American citizens said they were just glad to finally be protected against a tyrannical government.

"I need an F-15 to beat the government? Say no more, fam!" said one man in New Hampshire as he happily rushed out to his local F-15 dealer to pick up the latest model. "Before, I thought my AR-15 would be enough, but when Biden pointed out that the U.S. government has fighter jets and I only have an assault rifle, I realized I really needed to beef up my anti-tyranny defense systems."

"Thanks, Mr. Biden! I sure am glad you reminded me of how brutal a government can be against its own citizens and how governments throughout history have in fact attacked their own people once they are disarmed and helpless."

The man was later seen picking up an M1 Abrams tank.

Reader Comments

Baybars · 2021-06-24T17:34:18Z

Given the situation in the U.S. today, this article is almost believable.

StonedMentat · 2021-06-24T20:54:46Z

The nation scrambled to buy F-15s and nuclear weapons after President Biden said in a speech Wednesday that you'll never beat a government unless you have the fighter jets and intercontinental ballistic missiles.

Without maintenance a jet fighter breaks down is less than six months. You can flood an ICBM silo by just turning off its water pumps. Launching an ICBM from a water filled silo tends to go boom.

The American people would be better off with a modern variant of the RPG, and a 3D printed proximity fuse for a mortar round.

When the Tyrants’ running America get stupid, American machine shops could be producing military grade weapons within days. A naked display of tyranny by America’s ruling class would be entertaining …. for about two weeks.

Chester Goode · 2021-06-28T16:15:12Z

StonedMentat I realize Whisperin' Joe doesn't know what he's talking about, but still I wonder if US military pilots would obey orders to attack American citizens. And only a fool would nuke his own homeland. Even if it would get rid of pesky upstarts, the government couldn't use the land again for the foreseeable future. That's a "victory?" It seems to me unlikely that US troops would be used to subdue a mass uprising should one happen. China has volunteered to send troops here to "help" with gun control. Israel's government has also said it would like to see US citizens disarmed and might be called upon to send in troops to put down unruly Americans at some point. Arrangements have been made to allow Canadian troops into the US under certain circumstances, although it seems questionable if they would open fire on American civilians.

And it won't be a walkover for anyone. Everyone I know has multiple guns and ammo put back. No one I know is going to let anyone come to his door and demand his guns. As the old adage says, they'll get the bullets first. There may be tanks brought into play, but there are not enough tanks to cover the entire US, and of course there will be "attrition" if they are used.

StonedMentat · 2021-06-28T22:07:08Z

Chester Goode When the Tyrants’ running America get stupid. Things tend to escalate for the strangest reasons. The ruling class is feeling boxed in and cornered and it is only going to get worse for them.

This is getting better and better (dark satire).

ReRan ·

· 2021-06-24T23:13:05Z

Spur · 2021-06-25T00:46:07Z

When I heard Biden's comments, I was reminded of my tours of Vietnam. The U.S. had all that hardware, yet the Vietnamese were able to defeat them. Biden's handlers have way to much hubris, their assumed dominance can go pear shape very quickly.

codis · 2021-06-25T07:40:49Z

Someone having a reliable source for good quality ICBMs ???

Tsidkenu · 2021-06-25T12:44:19Z

codis I hear they're making em cheap in Iran and North Korea these days. Worth a look at least, eh?

codis · 2021-06-25T14:30:21Z

Tsidkenu How are the manuals ?

Baybars · 2021-06-25T17:35:54Z

codis Simple, "Light Fuse. Run."

codis · 2021-06-25T18:53:28Z

Baybars What, no GPS target coordinates and no defense evading algorithms ...

StonedMentat · 2021-06-25T21:47:44Z

codis The guidance and control system is an iPhone 6.

Use Google Maps to find target then press the red button.

All that expensive, overpriced military electronics was replaced by an app.

codis · 2021-06-26T06:49:47Z

StonedMentat

The guidance and control system is an iPhone 6.

Is that true for the Гранит and the Кинжал missiles as well ?

And what if Apple is again slowing down it's devices artifically when they are announcing the iPhone 7 ?

Rowan Cocoan · 2021-06-26T22:27:49Z

So that's why we beat Vietnam, right?

The nation scrambled to buy F-15s and nuclear weapons after President Biden said in a speech Wednesday that you'll never beat a government unless you have the fighter jets and intercontinental ballistic missiles.

And NK, Iraq, Afghanistan, et al., ad nauseam. (Sarcasm/facetiousness)

R.C.

Dwoods44 · 2021-07-01T20:04:22Z

America believes in equality. Wr supply weapons to everybody.

I enjoyed the humor. We all need to laugh at a country with Joe as president.

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Don't Panic! Lighten Up!

Huge spike noted in Americans buying F-15s after Biden suggests you'll need them to overthrow government

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